sex

Waiting

Why is the clock moving so damn slow?

Only a few hours and I’ll be submitting to her again.

I don’t know what she has in mind, I never do.

At this point I don’t care as long as she does it. Tie me up, beat me, tease me, fuck me.

There’s a good chance she’ll do all of it, leading up to it I’m craving all of it. When I’m actually with her I’m just a passenger and I’m more than happy to go wherever she wants to go.

I’m always craving things, aching for them beforehand but when the time comes I’m just happy to be there in whatever position she wants me in.

Will she be whispering to me to fuck her harder or will she be whispering to me asking how much I like getting fucked hard by her?

There will be a moment when she lets me release and shortly after moments later she may want me to again.

Will she want to watch? She has a way of making me feel objectified when she’s watching me.

The taste of her skin, her hands on my head while my head is between her legs.

There will be cuddling and in the morning I’ll make breakfast.

I can’t wait.

Why is the clock moving so damn slow?

Fuckless Fucking

Almost all of my experiences in BDSM have been non-sexual. That is to say, most of my experiences have been play that didn’t include penetrative sex.   

Up until a few years ago I never would have thought that any kind of play without intercourse would have been worthwhile. Back then I always felt it was something that was supposed to go hand in hand with sex. First the spanking, then the bondage, teasing and then the fucking. It was more of a kind of foreplay in my mind more than something that could be appreciated alone.

Then I moved to New York.

It was difficult to make the transition at first. The only people I’d play with would be those I also wanted to sleep with. That made me feel a little rejected at first. After all, I was playing with them because I was attracted to them, weren’t they attracted to me too? Wasn’t that the reason why they wanted to play with me?   

Over time I began to get used to the feeling of playing for the sake of playing. I could enjoy getting tied up or whipped and just enjoy it for what it was: Fun!

Sure I still have difficulty in reading some people at first. I’ll still sometimes have a barrage of questions running through my brain:

“Is she doing this because I’m fun to play with or because she’s attracted to me?”   

“Is she saying she want’s to do more than just tie me up?”

Most of the people I happen to have these mini-scenes with are those I’m already friends with. It’s much easier to let my mind go and enjoy the bondage, the flogging or whatever wonderful thing she’s putting me through. There’s something nice about just letting go and not needing to wonder about what comes next when I know that there is nothing next. I can just sink in and enjoy the experience.

It’s difficult do describe since there is a feeling of sexual tension and intimacy involved.  Especially when it’s with someone I know and like. There’s a closeness that comes from it. It’s unspoken but it’s there.

I like to think these experiences have helped me become a better submissive (Hmm Let me rephrase). I hope these experiences have helped me become a better submissive to someone I have a chance of having sex with. Most of the time I can just focus on the moment and not be caught up on wanting to rush to the sex.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m still thinking with my cock, but my cock is just more patient now.

Kinda.

Random Stuff For The New Year

Just a few random thoughts to throw your way.

-I’ve added a mini-banner to ClubFEM NYC on the left-hand side. I once wrote about my first experience going to one of their parties here. They have probably the biggest munch in NYC and their parties are memorable to say the least. I’m planning on going to more munches and more parties again this year (I need to get over the shyness of showing my bare ass in public) and hope to see you there.

-I’m running a bit low on Found Femdom images in the media. If you come upon any, feel free to email them to me. My address can be found on the right hand side in my Facebook profile link.

-My back is getting a bit better every day. Thanks to everyone who’s emailed advice and concern. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know you care. Or maybe that’s just the Vicodin.

-You may notice that I’ve been sounding considerably less desperate lately. That’s due to my being less desperate. While I’ve been having a number of new experiences lately it’s hard for me to post about them for some reason. I have a few unfinished drafts yet they remain that way until I can finish processing them. I will say that I’ve got a rope burn on my wrist that’s been there for a few weeks now, my mouth and other parts have been put to good use a few times, not to mention having had a tender bottom on more than one occasion.

-My tax return will be here in less than a month. It won’t be much but I keep having an internal fight over what I should do with the cash.

Pay off some debt? Or maybe use the money to get almost half-way to saving up for….

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…a Macbook Pro.

Fuck it’s so tempting.

What do do what to do??

This is where being in a Female led relationship would come in handy. She could simply tell me the smart thing to do would be to pay off deb but nooooooo I need to be single right now and deal with temptation. I don’t do well with temptation.

A friend suggested I put up a donate button on the blog but I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Plus, if i did, every post would be about how I need people to donate so I can get my Mac fetish fix. This blog would become the kinky version of an NPR pledge drive.

How A Single Guy Can Find A Swingers Club

I still have yet to find a swingers party. I have had two invitations in the past but they’ve either conflicted with something else going on or I haven’t had a form of transportation to get there (thank you reader in Miami for the invite).

After reading Calico’s adventures and listening to Mia’s podcast on the subject, I’ve decided to start looking again….casually.

The biggest hurdle of course is the fact that I’m a single man. Most clubs don’t let my kind in. Some will let you in if you pay through the nose.

So how does a single guy get into sex parties and swingers clubs? I posed the question on Twitter and had a few interesting replies and emails:

-Um, grab a girl and go is my only advice.
-I would do a search and post to the site with the greatest activity in your area. Participate in forums.
-The only advice I have is stay away from Le Trapeze.
-Women don’t go to swingers clubs to fuck single men, they go to fuck married men.
-1). find a couple who will vouch for you as a third and enter with you or 2) find parties where single guys can come -but $$$
-It’s easy. Be interesting, unique and engaging. Make friends without asking for anything.

They’re all good ideas. The next time I’m out with a female friend I’ll be sure to talk to people in the most interesting, unique and engaging way and then say, “I’m not asking for anything but if you happen to host a sex party…well…just remember I’m very interesting, unique and engaging”.

Those who emailed their suggestions went into more detail:

-My wife and I have been going to clubs and parties for years. People in the community will never admit to it but we don’t want you to come to our parties. There are more than enough men to go around. Why do you think women get in for free?

-To get into swingers parties…volunteer. A lot of parties I went to had “members” hosting the food, serving as bartenders, etc. And, there was always need for a clean up crew after the event. So, if you can volunteer to help maybe they’ll bend the rules a bit for you!

-You should find a host that would like a slave boy serving people drinks, food and cleaning up after everyone. I’m sure a few of the guests would enjoy other services that you could provide.

That last one actually appeals to me. I enjoy service, plus I might still have that leather bow-tie collar around here somewhere. I’ve created a profile on one such lifestyle website (have yet to pay for a membership) so we’ll see how it goes.

Curious Things

I was asked to make a list of the things I’m most curious about. Thing I’ve had on my must-try-before-I-die list.

Chastity- Maymay wrote about his extended chastity here. Obviously my daydreams aren’t nearly as close as what the reality would probably be. I imagine being locked up and taken out whenever she (whoever she is) wants me. More of an anti-masturbation device than a no-orgasm device. Who knows, maybe she’ll want me locked up for longer durations, or maybe not locked up at all.

CBT- I have limited experience in this area but the hints of it that I’ve experienced have been eye opening. Probably because there are a million wonderfully evil things a woman can do in this area. As with all kinds of pain, it’s limited to those who really get off on giving pain. I hate the idea of feeling pain anywhere but I love the idea of taking the pain for someone who gets off on giving it. Everything from sounds, bondage, clamps, clothespins, you name it and I’m curious about it. The mental image of sounds is enough to make me whimper.

Anal play- I’ve experienced strap-on play a few times. A few times isn’t nearly enough. I’ve only experienced the wonders of the prostate once for maybe a minute. My head nearly exploded. There’s also something very intriguing about plugs and hooks. I have no idea what the appeal of anal play is for a dominant woman. Is it the idea of violating a man? I know what the appeal is on my end of things but the motivation for a woman escapes me. If I knew the motivation it might help me find someone to motivate into doing it.

Predicament Bondage- I was talking to someone the other night who mentioned how much she loved doing it to her boyfriend. I hadn’t thought much about it until I saw how much she loved it. Her face lit up with this genuine evil smile. It’s motivated me enough to read more about it and keep my eyes open for someone with an evil smile.

Electrical play- Nuff said. This is a big question mark for me. I’ve heard it can be either very painful or very pleasurable.

Hypnosis- I’ve heard it’s intense.

Owned- I know now that my previous goal (I wrote about it here) of having a weekend where I was totally owned and controlled by someone is totally unrealistic. Finding someone who wants to own me for a few hours might be more attainable.