Just a few days before I’ll be seeing “her” again and I’m horny as fuck.

So why don’t I do something about it? Why don’t I just jerk off two or three times today like I would normally?

She said she doesn’t want me to.


I both love it and hate it.

I could though, just sneak off in the shower and take care of it. She’d never know. But somehow I can’t.

With regular masturbation I can fuck for hours. After a few days without I’ll be lucky to last a half an hour.

She says it makes me even more submissive, that I can be a bit of a smartass or something. Something about preferring me whimpering aching, quivering and hard. Hell I can’t even think straight at this point.

When she first said it I was worried that It meant I acted as though I could care less about her desires unless I was horny. Turns out that’s not the case, but there’s a big difference in my eagerness when I’m…eager.

Why does part of me love it? I have no clue. Well, it has something to do about control and being wanted and taken but my body is screaming at me so loudly right now that I can’t think enough to analyze it.

When I’m finally face to face with her again we’ll exchange pleasentries and talk about how her day was and probably talk about the headlines or something but no matte what we’re talking about, no matter what is coming out of my mouth, one thing will be flashing through my mind and other parts.

Please! Just! fuck me!

Remote Control

Someone emailed me a link to DreamLover Labs last week and I’ve been thinking about the possibilities.

Here’s what they claim:   “DreamLover Labs is committed to bringing the full power of today’s miniaturized sensors, actuators and microcontrollers to the world of sensual power exchange. DreamLover Laboratories offers high tech male management devices for playful and/or serious cerebral power exchange and sensual dominance.”

They don’t have anything for sale yet but it looks like their main product is a converted chastity device combined with the technology of a electronic dog collar.


It’s an interesting concept. Getting a jolt of correction from a push of a button. The biggest negatives seem to be that it only works from a short distance and there’s no way to bring pleasure. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to get either correcting pain or teasing pleasure from one device?

The benefits of the device as they claim:

-Hands-free discipline (personally I like hands on too though)

-Slashes training time (What’s normal training time????)

-Instant behavior correction and attitude adjustment in any situation (Try not to use while make is performing open-heart surgery)

-Completely stealth operation possible

-Complements the effects of chastity on male behavior control

-Longer attention span, increased receptiveness, increased output (Where was this when I was in school??)

-Overclock your male now!   

Reader Email: Advice Not Needed

Another email from a reader. I gave her advice that wasn’t necessary after all:

“I came across your blog while reading about BDSM and thought you might be a good person to talk to. I am a dominant woman that seems to be making a lot of mistakes in seduction of submissive men. Well, that is, I’m having trouble identifying them. The other day I kind of ruined a friendship by taking a compliment as permission to, well, do things that he didn’t appreciate as much as I thought he would. I have trouble controlling my dominant feelings, I suppose.

I don’t really know what I want you to say or how I was expecting you to respond, but I feel very alone about this much of the time. My (more than) best friend is a submissive man and we relate to each other very well, but he’s not the extreme kind of submissive that I think about in the early hours of the morning. Don’t get me wrong, I do have my fun with him and I care about him very much, but I want to try something more and I don’t even know how to tell him. I guess, even being as dominant as I am (and I find myself getting more dominant everyday), I’m embarrassed by how dominant I long to become.

Thank you for writing a blog about your experiences and lifestyle. It’s incredibly validating to see men like you around, even if you’re 3,000 miles away in New York. I should really move to New York. Maybe for Law School…. Okay, so I’m flirting with you a little bit. That wasn’t my original intention. Promise. =)

Thanks for listening”

I gave her what I thought was some sound advice. I suggested that she make her desires known, that she may want to start off slow and slowly introduce him to the more extreme things she wanted from him. I went on and on and moments later she replied.

“Ironically, the evening I sent this message, he and I had a long talk about all that I told you about. It turns out, he was afraid of scaring me off with how much he wants to submit to me. He sent me a link to a chastity belt (okay, so I was too chicken to have the conversation in person and made him get on AIM) and I almost bursted with relief, satisfaction, and about a million other feelings. I’ve been wanting to lock him up for months.

To put it simply, I want complete control over his body. I want to instruct him on how to please me and beat the hell out of him when he makes mistakes. He once told me that he wasn’t into pain. At the time, I didn’t think I was into inflicting pain. He proved me wrong. I do want to inflict pain. I want him to take the pain for me… He told me that he’s been dying to get a whip in my hand for ages. That I’m the only one he ever wants to physically harm him (which is, of course, very flattering and sexy). We’ve also talked about pegging and are going to go shopping for a strap-on very soon. I want to try everything with him: spanking, torture, mummification… I even told him about “service-oriented submission” which I read about from you and he’s all for it.

The sexiest part of the conversation from my perspective: He said: “I don’t want you to want to do things to me anymore. I want you to do what you want to do to me. You know me very well and we’re best friends. I’d submit to you. If you ever went to put a chastity belt on me, and didnt talk to me about it first, id let you put it on and lock it because you wanted it there… if you slapped me i’d be on my knees.”

Mmm, very sexy. I would probably have denied myself and him if I hadn’t started reading blogs like yours. So thank you!”


After reading this I did my happy dance and felt that all was right in the world. I can certainly understand where her sub is coming from. It’s a scary thing to want to give yourself to someone, even if it’s for only a short time. It’s even scarier if you care about that person and are afraid of them rejecting you.

I wonder how many seemingly vanilla relationships are out there that are comprised of one person who wants to be owned and another who wants to control, yet neither of them talk about it?
I’m betting it’s quite a few.

Curious Things

I was asked to make a list of the things I’m most curious about. Thing I’ve had on my must-try-before-I-die list.

Chastity- Maymay wrote about his extended chastity here. Obviously my daydreams aren’t nearly as close as what the reality would probably be. I imagine being locked up and taken out whenever she (whoever she is) wants me. More of an anti-masturbation device than a no-orgasm device. Who knows, maybe she’ll want me locked up for longer durations, or maybe not locked up at all.

CBT- I have limited experience in this area but the hints of it that I’ve experienced have been eye opening. Probably because there are a million wonderfully evil things a woman can do in this area. As with all kinds of pain, it’s limited to those who really get off on giving pain. I hate the idea of feeling pain anywhere but I love the idea of taking the pain for someone who gets off on giving it. Everything from sounds, bondage, clamps, clothespins, you name it and I’m curious about it. The mental image of sounds is enough to make me whimper.

Anal play- I’ve experienced strap-on play a few times. A few times isn’t nearly enough. I’ve only experienced the wonders of the prostate once for maybe a minute. My head nearly exploded. There’s also something very intriguing about plugs and hooks. I have no idea what the appeal of anal play is for a dominant woman. Is it the idea of violating a man? I know what the appeal is on my end of things but the motivation for a woman escapes me. If I knew the motivation it might help me find someone to motivate into doing it.

Predicament Bondage- I was talking to someone the other night who mentioned how much she loved doing it to her boyfriend. I hadn’t thought much about it until I saw how much she loved it. Her face lit up with this genuine evil smile. It’s motivated me enough to read more about it and keep my eyes open for someone with an evil smile.

Electrical play- Nuff said. This is a big question mark for me. I’ve heard it can be either very painful or very pleasurable.

Hypnosis- I’ve heard it’s intense.

Owned- I know now that my previous goal (I wrote about it here) of having a weekend where I was totally owned and controlled by someone is totally unrealistic. Finding someone who wants to own me for a few hours might be more attainable.

Experiencing Chastity: My Hair-Brained Scheme

This post has had me thinking of another one of my curiosities.

I have always been curious about having a woman control my orgasms. It’s something I’m sure would intensify my feelings of submission and make me feel more owned. A chastity device would be a constant reminder of of my submission.

I don’t know how long I could last. I think initially I just like the idea of having myself saved for her pleasure only. She and I would still have sex but jerking off would be obviously out of the question.

It would require something more than a casual play partner though. Unless the person had me in it a day or two before a planned meeting, but that would make a cancelled date a horrible turn of events.

I’m incredibly curious about the subject and am dying to try it. I actually have an idea that might be “so crazy it just might work”.

Enter: The US Postal Service

Here’s my thought. Buy a chastity device and mail myself the key!

Brilliant right?

I could put it on Monday morning, mail myself the key and have it Tuesday or Wednesday. If I wanted to go longer I could mail it on a friday morning and not have it until after the weekend.

I know, I know. Three or for days isn’t that long compared to others who have experienced chastity. But we’re talking about me here. Technically I’d be topping myself and well…I’m not a good top so a few days is good enough.

A friend of mine did point out that I’d be screwed if the key were ever lost in the mail.

Funny to be screwed by a device that is meant to prevent any screwing at all.