How A Single Guy Can Find A Swingers Club

I still have yet to find a swingers party. I have had two invitations in the past but they’ve either conflicted with something else going on or I haven’t had a form of transportation to get there (thank you reader in Miami for the invite).

After reading Calico’s adventures and listening to Mia’s podcast on the subject, I’ve decided to start looking again….casually.

The biggest hurdle of course is the fact that I’m a single man. Most clubs don’t let my kind in. Some will let you in if you pay through the nose.

So how does a single guy get into sex parties and swingers clubs? I posed the question on Twitter and had a few interesting replies and emails:

-Um, grab a girl and go is my only advice.
-I would do a search and post to the site with the greatest activity in your area. Participate in forums.
-The only advice I have is stay away from Le Trapeze.
-Women don’t go to swingers clubs to fuck single men, they go to fuck married men.
-1). find a couple who will vouch for you as a third and enter with you or 2) find parties where single guys can come -but $$$
-It’s easy. Be interesting, unique and engaging. Make friends without asking for anything.

They’re all good ideas. The next time I’m out with a female friend I’ll be sure to talk to people in the most interesting, unique and engaging way and then say, “I’m not asking for anything but if you happen to host a sex party…well…just remember I’m very interesting, unique and engaging”.

Those who emailed their suggestions went into more detail:

-My wife and I have been going to clubs and parties for years. People in the community will never admit to it but we don’t want you to come to our parties. There are more than enough men to go around. Why do you think women get in for free?

-To get into swingers parties…volunteer. A lot of parties I went to had “members” hosting the food, serving as bartenders, etc. And, there was always need for a clean up crew after the event. So, if you can volunteer to help maybe they’ll bend the rules a bit for you!

-You should find a host that would like a slave boy serving people drinks, food and cleaning up after everyone. I’m sure a few of the guests would enjoy other services that you could provide.

That last one actually appeals to me. I enjoy service, plus I might still have that leather bow-tie collar around here somewhere. I’ve created a profile on one such lifestyle website (have yet to pay for a membership) so we’ll see how it goes.


The last one is a GREAT idea. I would be delighted to have someone like you at some of the parties we’ve had.

Overall, you know, I think you need to leave New York. That’s mostly because I hate it there and it’s too far to drive, but also because I think really big cities are hard. Where I play, there are so few perverts that everyone has to go to each other’s parties, and let each other in, or there aren’t enough people for a party. The parties are usually about 1/4 – 1/5 single men–at least as many single men as single women. And yes, you should definitely beFRIEND a couple, or a couple of couples, or a threesome . . . Friends don’t let friends sit home alone.

If you want to go to sex parties, become friends with people who have ’em. I started going because I was introduced to someone who had them, and who felt like I’d get along with the other people and would mesh well. Plus, I brought bagels and shmear. That goes a long way in getting yourself invited back.

Its either that, or pay out the nose.

BTW, keep in mind that not all the people who go to sex parties are hot pro dom looking models. Most of the are normal hot people, like me. Flabby thighs, weird tattoos, and various styles of pubic hair and all.

Also, swing/sex parties aren’t magic. You won’t walk in the door and get laid. You’ve got to talk to people, and flirt, and ask. Stuff doesn’t just happen.

There is one club in New York that caters to single men ( on Friday night. It’s $90 to go alone or $40 with a date. But akin to your first experience at Paddles – it’s really nothing like your fantasy. If they allow single men, expect it to be predominantly single men. Like 80-95% men. Desperate men. That’s been the case at every single one I’ve been to. Also expect that swingers clubs to have older, not so attractive people, heavy handed flirting, and be cliquey and couple oriented. Some are of course better than others. Honestly, I just don’t think you are going to particularly enjoy the experience of a swinger’s club.

Private parties though are a *whole* other story.

Interestingly, I have never been to a swingers’ party. I’m scared of the heavy-handed flirting and grossed out by the gender politics. I’ve been to BDSM-focued sex events and places (Floating World, The Citadel in SF — both of which I would highly recommend) but I haven’t actually had sex at either of them.

Like Wendy said, it’s about private parties — friends, not strangers. Unless you want to have sex with strangers at clubs. Personally, I want to have sex with my friends. I am lucky enough that some of my friends enjoy organizing parties. It is harder in the city, though, just because of space and noise constraints.

If you have lots of friends who want to go to sex parties, throw a freakin’ sex party! It’s nothing magical. Every sex party is made up of a bunch of people who said “Wouldn’t it be cool if we could all throw a party where we have sex?” And ta-da, party! All you need is an apartment.

@Calico – Exactly! Man, if I had my own place, I’d have sex parties. In fact when I move out again, I want to have a housewarming toga-party. Which I’m sure will then become a sex party. Toga! Toga! Toga!

I think you are a member of the Pleasure Salon. If not, join. The last one I attended I met several folks who have private sex parties at their apartments. Happy Swinging!

Do you have your own apartment? If so, I second the suggestion that you host a sex party yourself.

I have my own Apt how many woman would be interested and how many men/couples

Hi. All ,,
i am ready to join the swinger club, am SINGLE,
Saurav gupta

I have my own Apt how many woman would be interested and how many men/couples


There’s a book out for single guys who wanna be swingers called Swinging and the Single Guy:

It’s full of great tips for male swingers and it’s cheap!

Here’s a genius idea; open a singles swinging party where no couples are allowed. Now, before you laugh, and just say…”is that what a night club is for?”…wrong, you see, if single women not only get in free, but also get a chance to win $400-$1000 towards Tiffany dimonds, or a gift certificate to Saks 5th ave, I think they’d attend by the droves.

The issue then won’t be to screen the men, but rather the women from the woes.

I host gangbang parties in nyc, we allow single men

i would love to attend a “REAL” swingers party…but, like all other guys like me, it’s difficult to attend one…i’m open to any and all invites…i’m just trying to enhance my lifestyle, since there’s no special lady in my life, right now…