The Week Of Beatings Continued

Day 6: Once again I’m both scared and looking forward to it. She wallops me for 15 minutes non-stop. Again and again. Time stops in my mind and when she’s done I can barely move I’m so worn out. I’m tied up, drooling and moaning afterwards. She helps me up and we cuddle until I fall asleep.

Day 7: The last day. She ties me to our new leather couch. My elbows tied to my knees and she uses a variety of implements on me including a wooden spoon. I’m almost sad when it’s over.

I can tell how I’ve progressed over the course of the week. I’m glad that it worked. I’m not sure if my tolerance for pain is higher but I noticed a few changes in how I viewed the pain.

Early on, when the pain was very very intense, my mind would start to play tricks on me. I’d start to wonder if she really cared about me or if she was upset with me. Punishment play, when it’s really really painful is still connected with disappointment in some ways. This week helped change that a bit.

Now it’s been two days since she’s had me bent over and I do miss it. Not just the intimacy and the intensity, but how hot it makes her.

Good thing there are plenty of other things that get her hot as well.

I’m a very lucky boy.


Why is the clock moving so damn slow?

Only a few hours and I’ll be submitting to her again.

I don’t know what she has in mind, I never do.

At this point I don’t care as long as she does it. Tie me up, beat me, tease me, fuck me.

There’s a good chance she’ll do all of it, leading up to it I’m craving all of it. When I’m actually with her I’m just a passenger and I’m more than happy to go wherever she wants to go.

I’m always craving things, aching for them beforehand but when the time comes I’m just happy to be there in whatever position she wants me in.

Will she be whispering to me to fuck her harder or will she be whispering to me asking how much I like getting fucked hard by her?

There will be a moment when she lets me release and shortly after moments later she may want me to again.

Will she want to watch? She has a way of making me feel objectified when she’s watching me.

The taste of her skin, her hands on my head while my head is between her legs.

There will be cuddling and in the morning I’ll make breakfast.

I can’t wait.

Why is the clock moving so damn slow?

A Perfect Moment

I woke up early to the warmness of her naked body next to mine. I had a number of beers the night before and my bladder felt as though it was going to burst. I hold her close for not nearly long enough and carefully crawl out of bed. I didn’t want to get up but nature called, plus I felt a bit sticky, still covered in sweat.

I jumped in her shower quietly, not wanting to wake up her roommates. Normally I’ll take a 15 minute shower but I just want to get the sweat off, feel fresh plus I wanted to get back to her. I realized that I’ve been turned on non stop since the night before. (Do you have any idea how difficult it is to release your bladder when you’ve been turned on for hours and hours and hours?)

It’s early. The sun is just barely up. This is my favorite part of a Saturday morning and this is the best part of my day, it might be the best part of my anything. It’s still cold out. There’s a little snow on the rooftops outside.

I tip toed back into her bedroom. Looking down at her sleeping I really wished I could take a photo of her but I know that would require waking her up first to ask permission to take her photo….. sometimes it sucks being a submissive.

I quietly stripped naked and was just about to crawl back into bed when I see one of her feet sticking out from under the covers. My mouth reacts and I gave her a light peck on the top of her foot before crawling back into bed with her. I wondered if she would have liked to have me wake her up by kissing her feet, legs and working my way up, then I realize that I’d be doing it for me and that greedy mouth of mine.

It’s cold outside but warm under the covers. I slip back behind her and snuggle up tight, kissing her back and squeezing her body as close as I can. I know that these moments are limited, but for now, it doesn’t matter. It does matter, but I try not to think about it. My eyes water a little as I know that this won’t be forever.

I wished time would stop at that moment.

I whisper in her ear something for her to hear as she dreams.

I sigh, smile and slowly drift off to sleep with her.

It was perfect.

Cuddling And Why It Pays To Be A Pro Domme

I’m such a freak for cuddling.

I love it.

I can’t cuddle with just anyone of course, but wow. When there’s that connection. The warm body, the smell of her skin. The way two bodies can fit together so perfectly.

Have you ever woken up while cuddling, maybe at 5 or 6 in the morning and your just barely awake enough to realize your cuddling but you can’t think of anything else other than the feeling of being half awake and cuddling? That my friends, is perfection.

I’ve heard of Cuddle Parties, and have been tempted to go to one here in New York. The thing is, I doubt random cuddling would have the same result. It’s an interesting concept though.

It would have to be in my top 5 favorite things in the world. Cuddling along with being beaten, bondage, oral worship and…hmmm something else.

Maybe a Macbook Pro.

That reminds me, a Pro Domme friend of mine recently made a guy buy her a Macbook Pro.

There was some sub that just emailed her out of the blue and wanted to pay for her bills, so she said “OK, here you go…oh..and buy me a new Macbook Pro”, and the guy did it!

Can you imagine? Someone buying you a Mac and they’ve never even met you?

That’s even more intimate than cuddling with someone you don’t know.

Over Before It Starts?

I told you before that I met someone.

It didn’t end there.

After that initial encounter I didn’t think I’d hear from her again. I had opened up totally and almost cried in front of her when she asked about my frustrations of finding someone like her. For some crazy reason she was interested in getting to know me and very recently we have been spending more time together. I make her laugh and the passion between us is amazing.


Yes there’s a but.

But she’s not sure if she can go down this path. She calls me the “rabbit hole” because she’s worried once she goes to BDSM she won’t want to go back again. A close friend suggested that I explain it as though it were a menu. It’s not that you can’t enjoy the things you enjoyed before, you’ll just have more things to choose from. More options.

She’s enjoyed being dominant with vanilla men but being dominant with them means something very different than being dominant with me. WIth a ‘nilla man the bar is much lower than it is with me. WIth me she has almost endless options.

She’s a sadist, I can tell, I can feel it. I know it and so does she, but it’s a part of her she’s never addressed because she’s never been with someone like me before, someone who needs her to not hold back. She’s said she doesn’t feel comfortable yet and may never feel comfortable with that part of herself. She knows she wants to and daydreams about it, but can’t bring herself to it. She’s not scared of me, she’s scared of herself.

A few nights ago we were walking around and she told me about some of the guys she’s been with. She’s been proposed to by many and said yes to none. As we were talking about it I could almost see how this would end. I put it out of my mind.

I’ve introduced her to many of my closest friends, I’ve never done that before. Last night she met one of my best friends, my dear ‘nilla friend who knows all about me. Seeing them talking and laughing made me adore her even more. I want to introduce her to my Domme friend, so she can see that you can be dominant, sadistic and still “normal”.

Thankfully she’s being honest. She’s told me that she may never be able to go down that rabbit hole. We both agree that we want to be something to one another, but that something will probably be friends.

I know I should just enjoy the time she and I have and not worry about it. Maybe I’ve been hurt so many times that I naturally expect it will end with me back at square one, looking for someone like her.

Feeling her body next to mine makes me wish I didn’t need what I need. I tried to tell her that it’s OK if she never goes down the rabbit hole, but she knows that I need it, she can read me like a book.

On the way home from work tonight I had my IPhone on shuffle and this song popped up:

And So It Goes

Damn you Billy Joel.

How do you explain to someone that it’s OK for them to let themselves go when they know they want to but just can’t seem to bring themselves to it?

How do you help someone who’s scared what she might become if she goes down the rabbit hole?