All These People Want To Suck My Cock

Note:  Sade made me use that for the blog title.

So Sade has decided she’d like a female submissive or switch to join us for some ongoing play. We’ve had a few encounters with a good friend but Sade would like something more frequent and clearly defined as a D/s relationship.

So she changed her Fetlife profile and we created a few profiles on various dating sites both kink and semi-vanilla.

She wrote the profile and it’s my job to weed through people, reply to emails, notify her of those who message us who she may be interested in and schedule meet-ups.

The profile she wrote is smart, funny and graphic at times. In the section where one writes reasons why people should contact she included this segment:

If discreet body mods/signs of ownership turn you on and if you are one who has fantasies of a woman tying her up, teasing her and making her suck cock ferociously while said male is being tormented and lovingly beaten before being forced into multiple orgasms herself. In other words if you’re looking for ongoing play with a great couple or think you might could be. If you’re adventurous, thorough, and dedicated. If you want to really explore what healthy and total Dominance and submission can mean.

Now I though this section would scare women away but it actually does two things:
1: It scares away women who aren’t turned on by it and therefore they shouldn’t contact us anyway.
2: It compels women who are turned on by it to email us.

Oh and it also compels lots of guys to email us too. Such emails as:

“Hey I’m not a girl but I am a sissy and would love to suck your boys cock”.

Well of course you are. Because when we say we want an attractive bisexual woman we actually mean a middle-aged guy in a maid outfit.

“Hey you’re hot, I’m not a girl but I’d love to join you two”.

Normally we’d say no but since you said we were hot we’ll make an exception.


“I know a submissive girl who would love to play with you but I’d need to be able to watch.”

You know what? I can’t tell you how many times Sade and I have been having sex and I’ve stopped her and said, “ just doesn’t feel right without some creepy guy jerking off in the corner”.

Whenever a guy emails us I usually reply with “You are the ugliest bisexual woman I’ve ever seen”. Or sometimes I just lay into them with mockery.

We haven’t played with anyone from the dating sites yet but it’s been a lot of fun meeting new people. It really amazes me too how many emails we get from women who are just looking to play and don’t want any kind of connection outside of the bedroom. It’s the opposite of what I was expecting. Here I thought the fact that we were looking for a connection in and out of the bedroom/dungeon would be a bonus for most but it turns out many are just looking to get laid.

Women…so typical.


Is She In New York??

While listening to the Savage Love podcast, I heard a woman complaining about the kink scene in her city.   She complained that most of the men were older, she didn’t find them attractive and the submissive men she tries to meet online don’t show up.

This is a common complaint for people I know here in New York, makes me wonder if she’s here or if this is a universal issue.

Click the link below to listen:

Savage Love

This brings up a good question:   Why aren’t there more younger people at kink events and BDSM clubs?

My first night in New York, I went to paddles and was surprised that I was by far the youngest person there and I was 29 at the time.

Why does the age seem to skew older?

Is there something that clicks inside someone’s mind when they reach a certain age where there willing to take a chance and explore?

The other thing she brings up in the call is how she gets stood-up by submissive guys she tries to meet online.   Speaking as someone who once drove more than 24 hours to meet a woman in hopes she’d want to play/fuck him, I can’t really understand this.   I think most of the guys are overcome by their fear and that makes them flake out in the last minute.    I can understand that fear.   Myabe the voice screaming from my cock is louder than the voice in my brain screaming in fear and that makes me show up anyway.

It should NOT be this hard for a woman to find what she needs.

50% Of Submissive Men Are Assfaces

I’m on some pretty powerful pain pills right now so forgive me if I blabber on and on more than normal.

So yeah, 50% of submissive men are assfaces. I may be aiming a bit low on this one.

I’ve been hearing a lot of stories lately about how submissive men won’t show up when they have the opportunity to meet a woman.

While having coffee with a Femdom couple over the weekend, one told me that she can guarantee that over half of all potential submissive men won’t even show up for an initial meeting.

Could it be that most of these guys looking to meet someone aren’t actually looking to meet someone?

Another example came from a woman I know who had been in contact with a submissive for months, they spoke on the phone and he constantly stated his interest in her, how deeply he wanted to be her slave and how devoted he was to her (before even meeting her, that made her a bit suspicious of course) and every time she mentioned meeting he’d start sounding vague. Back and forth this would go.

There have been times when I’ve talked to someone on the phone after a few emails then lost interest after a conversation. That’s sort of the point of a phone conversation. But standing someone up or constantly leading them on?

I can only imagine a few reasons why a guy would do this.

-I get the feeling that most like the idea of it, they like to think about it but when it comes down to actually having an experience, they soil their pants and run the other way.

-They’re married or otherwise involved.

-They may be looking for any kind of sex as long as it’s sex, they’re not really submissive they’re just horny and when it’s time to put up or shut up, they shut up.

-They’re ashamed of who they are. I know many submissive men who daydream about BDSM but when they’re faced with something real, they’re filled with shame or guilt.

-They get off on the chase. For them it’s knowing that they could if they wanted to. This isn’t isolated among submissive men, I know women who chase men only to lose interest once they know they can easily get what they want.

-They’re just plain assfaces.

From Client To Personal Fucktoy

I’ve been encouraged to go to a Professional Dominatrix by a number of lifestyle friends. Not for the experience of playing with one but in the hopes that she would meet me and want to maker me her personal slave or boyfriend. I’ve talked about this subject before of course. Some have told me it’s a bad idea but many have proven that it actually does work. As I’ve mentioned before, a majority of submissive men I personally know in relationships, are former clients.

This subject popped in my brain again recently when a Pro I know mentioned it:

“I find that the BEST relationships are in fact those that go from client to personal. Because there is this anonymity that sessions allow and somehow encourage honesty. Then the bonds are slowly formed without any of the b.s. vanilla that tends to creep in and take away from what really forms that connection with the other person.”

Peridot Ash has me confused on the subject. In one post called “Angry About Clients Seeking Girlfriends” she writes:

“I told him the first time that I do not date my clients, and that includes dinner outside of sessions! Obviously he wasn’t listening when I said that he should keep trying the personals. When I said that it was not easy for me to find my boyfriend (I don’t really have a boyfriend, as you know, but it’s usually the only reason a man respects when it comes to you not wanting to date him), since most men would want me to quit and become their own personal 24/7 domina slave queen (hint, hint).”

Yet in another post she writes:

“Anyway, because he was so attractive, I did what many johns do when they fancy the looks of their paid companion: began conjuring up fantasies of dating, molding him into my perfect little submissive anal sex boy just because I thought he was attractive, not wondering at all about the life he leads in reality. But catching a glimpse of his wedding ring pretty much put a stop to my predatory thoughts.”

Speaking as someone who’d love to be molded into the perfect little submissive almost-any-kind-of-sex boy, my eyebrows raised a bit on this one.

I should say that I’m no where near being in a situation that would allow me to become a client or a boyfriend for that matter, but the day may come where I am. If that day ever does come I’ll have to consider becoming a client and hope that she’ll find me attractive enough to want to mold me.

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

I was given a paradox recently.

How do you please a woman who is most pleased by you not trying to please her?

How does one play hard to get in order to attract a woman who would rather have a guy she needs to push into submission as opposed to a guy who’s dying to get on his knees from the start?

I find that there’s no middle of the road for me. When I’m confident, many just assume I’m dominant and when I’m eager to please I’m too submissive.

Surely there must be a middle spot somewhere. (and don’t call me Shirley).

I’ve been meeting some cool new people lately. People in and out of the lifestyle. Ok…Women in and out of the lifestyle. I seem to always wonder if it’s a date or if I’m just hanging out as a friend. I always go into it assuming friends and not displaying any kind of interest. It’s so much better that way. No hard feelings, not needing to worry about getting shot down or being too eager. After all, if she’s interested, hopefully she’ll indicate in some way right?

I’ve never been good at reading signals from women. I have no clue when they’re attracted to me unless they pretty much hold up a sign.

It is very easy to misread playful flirting for real sexual interest however. Especially in the kink scene.

A woman can grab a guys package in leu of a handshake or a hug to say hello and it probably only means “hello” (It’s happened on a number of occasions). Because of this I’ve learned to tune out just about every form of flirting. I think the only way I’ll get the hint from here on is if a woman grabs me and says “I really want to fuck you. I’m dead serious. No… really. I’m not kidding here. See? This is me giving you my number. Here is the address of where my bed is. This is not a dream, this is actually happening.”.

I’ve found myself giving advice to a number of women lately. Specifically about dating submissive men. I always try to give the best advice I can, though I’m not exactly an expert on the subject. My most trying conversation was when a poly friend was complaining about not being able to find a third partner.

I’ll type that part again:

She was complaining about not being able to find a third partner.

Isn’t that like complaining to a homeless guy about not being able to find a good vacation home?