Is She In New York??

While listening to the Savage Love podcast, I heard a woman complaining about the kink scene in her city.   She complained that most of the men were older, she didn’t find them attractive and the submissive men she tries to meet online don’t show up.

This is a common complaint for people I know here in New York, makes me wonder if she’s here or if this is a universal issue.

Click the link below to listen:

Savage Love

This brings up a good question:   Why aren’t there more younger people at kink events and BDSM clubs?

My first night in New York, I went to paddles and was surprised that I was by far the youngest person there and I was 29 at the time.

Why does the age seem to skew older?

Is there something that clicks inside someone’s mind when they reach a certain age where there willing to take a chance and explore?

The other thing she brings up in the call is how she gets stood-up by submissive guys she tries to meet online.   Speaking as someone who once drove more than 24 hours to meet a woman in hopes she’d want to play/fuck him, I can’t really understand this.   I think most of the guys are overcome by their fear and that makes them flake out in the last minute.    I can understand that fear.   Myabe the voice screaming from my cock is louder than the voice in my brain screaming in fear and that makes me show up anyway.

It should NOT be this hard for a woman to find what she needs.

Please Explain….

From a profile on collarme:

“I am a dominant woman who likes men that are out of control. I come from a religious Jewish background. I have a fetish for LEGITIMATE antisemitic men who are willing to submit to me. Bonus for skinheads or kkk or membership to anygroup like that. Prison records and recovering adicts are also a plus. Blue collar workers, rough around the edges young looking and thin are a must. You dont need to still be a complete mess…..but I need that in your past.

I am cute and thin (size 6) gym figure, pretty face and looking for young (under age 30) serriously real antisemitic, for humiliation play, lifestyle controls and ….possible ownership for the right person. Lets just say I have a fetish for extracting submission from people that out of control and may even hate me. No “yes mistress” types please…..I only get off on the reality of topping people who are really ambivalent about their surrender to me. Hate me, resent me….but do it from my feet and hate yourself more for your descent”

Can someone please explain this to me???


Spoil Me

The two words that will turn me off most are “spoil me”.

Turn me off might be putting it lightly. Maybe angry or….ok angry is the word.

On the surface it sounds great until you realize what the words really mean. The problem is, sometimes their idea of being spoiled has nothing to do with my idea of being spoiled. The conversations usually go like this:

Her: I want you to spoil me.

Me: Great! How do you like your coffee? What kind of domestic service do you want? Do you enjoy massage? Want someone to wait on you hand and foot?

Her: I want to go shopping.

I did go shopping with someone once. When I first moved to New York I met someone from collarme who said she wanted to meet me for coffee and go shopping. We went to a few stores but she just couldn’t find what she was looking for. Finally she found a pair of shoes that were perfect for her and when it came time to pay she looked at me as though she was expecting me to do something. I had no clue how to react. I reached for my wallet but when I saw that the bill was a few hundred bucks I stopped dead in my tracks.

My converse all-stars usually run $35 bucks.

I told her I couldn’t pay for them even if i wanted to and she looked at me with this look I’ll never forget. She stormed out of the store and quickly followed her after apologizing to the person behind the counter. She was visibly upset and started ranting about how she had never been so embarrassed in her life and how she had just spent two hours with me and her time was worth more than just a cup of coffee.

I was speechless and felt as though the rug had just been pulled out from under me. She went from being interested in me as a possible play partner, to someone who couldn’t stand the sight of me.

“Don’t you think I’m a goddess?” she asked me with a hint of anger.

“Well, yes, of course, but you don’t need those shoes to be a goddess”. I was still in shock.

“I thought you were going to be different, I am very disappointed. Don’t contact me again until you’re ready to treat me to what I deserve”.

She walked off in a huff and I never heard from her again despite my emails to her apologizing for the misunderstanding.

If the same thing were to happen to me now I would have told her to go fuck some old investment banker who looked like Larry “Bud” Melman.

Sure the sex would suck but she’d at least have her shoes.

“I’m Still An Asshole” or “Am I Normal?”

You know how I complain about not getting emails on those kinky dating sites? Well I got one and it reminded me of why I’m an asshole:

From Her: So how kinky are you? Answer me NOW!

Me: I’m probably kinkier than most, for the right person.

Her: You WILL add me to your favorites list, NOW!

Me: I usually don’t respond well to this type of tone. I may be submissive but I’m not submissive to everyone who calls herself dominant. Wouldn’t you want to get to know me first before ordering me around? Wouldn’t you want to see if I’m the kind of person you want to order around or do you actually speak this way to everyone in the world submissive or not?

Her: Sorry, i really meant no disrespect. I was wrong. i was feeling angry and i took it out on you. please accept my sincere apology. i actually don’t speak to anyone in that tone. if you think we could start again, i would be interested in learning more about you. if you don’t, i truly understand.

We continued chatting and that’s pretty much it. I was nice but not really interested.

So, why am I an asshole? Because if I had been attracted to her she could have said pretty much anything and I would have played along.

Attractive her: Your mother’s a whore.
Me: HA! You’re not kidding. Are you busy later?

Attractive her: I’m voting for McCain.
Me: Ok I’ll fuck. But only because you people don’t believe in pulling out. (Of countries or vaginas).

Not much else going on though. Having beer with Badman led to an interesting adventure. Before you get your hopes up, there wasn’t any sex involved or anything but it was fun. I’m starting to wonder if most people play and don’t have sex. Maybe I’m normal. Do most people have some mild BDSM play but never any sex along with it? If that’s the way it is I’m gonna sue for false advertising.

It’s been so long since I’ve had sex if my cock actually came close to a naked woman it would start to wonder if it was on one of those hidden camera shows like Punked or Candid Camera.

I’ve moved beyond desperation though, I’ve settled into just accepting that it is what it is and being pissed off about it. There are people who fuck and people who jerk off. If I had a corporate sponsor for this summer it would have been some company that makes lube. The way things are shaping up I could have signed a two year sponsorship deal with KY.

I’m just going with the flow, not looking online anymore. I’m having just as much sex now as I did when I was spending eight hours a day looking for it in every way I could.

So, here it is Friday night and since I’m not going to a swingers party I was curious about ($150 for single men) I’m staying home and currently cleaning the apartment.

Sexy huh?

For the near future it still seems I have a better chance of meeting dipshit Ashton Kutcher or Alan Funt before I see anything that resembles a naked woman.

And Alan Funt is dead.

Problems With Acting Submissive

Hello from London! I’m terribly sleep deprived but found a little cafe with free wifi and it gave me a chance to show you this gem.

Medieval chastity devices???


Badman has an interesting post filled with some great comments on the issue of presenting myself as a submissive to women.

One woman left a comment: “I enjoy being dominant but find myself repulsed by a man who says he is submissive. “

Later she wrote “After speaking with Bad Man about your issues I’ve come to believe one thing: you’d be best served by paying for what you want.”

Ouch. That sucks eggs.

Troy’s comment was considerably more helpful: “Where I see axe go wrong sometimes is that he puts his submission first: objectifying his own sexual orientation in the same way he objectifies the women he hopes will dominate him. If he’d only focus his efforts on being axe, on showing all of axe’s dimension, not just the subby part.”

I’ve attempted this a few times over the past week. I’ve tried to change the way I present myself as just a normal guy who happens to be submissive. After exchanging emails with one woman on Collarme recently, she suggested I start looking for a submissive woman. Why Is that?

“Because you don’t seem submissive. Your tactics are quite aggressive and Dom-like. Maybe you’re not a sub. Maybe you’re just a bottom. I don’t know.”

Keep in mind, I was respectful to her. It’s not like I was demanding that she use me or anything.

“You will use me for your pleasure!! Force me to bow down before you!!!”

I was just being myself. Relaxed, calm, not begging.

I’m now wondering if I hadn’t shown my other dimensions things would have turned out differently with my conversation with her.

It seems some women require a guy to act more submissive and others are turned on by the ones who don’t. I’ll have to try and pay more attention in the future to see what type of guy a woman goes for.

Do I toss a coin to see if I should just be myself or if I should present myself in a more submissive manner?

What are the signs to look for when seeing what kind of guy a woman is looking for?

How can you tell if a woman is looking for someone who is more submissive compared to someone who’s looking for all of my dimensions up front?

It’s certainly something to think about.

It will be nice to get away from searching for a bit, put my mind at ease and hopefully I’ll come back from Europe with a new perspective on things.