Thoughts

An Apology

So it turns out my recent posts have made me sound like more of an ass that I am. Then again they may have made me sound exactly like the ass I am.

So here is an apology to every dominant woman out there.

I’m sorry for making it sound like you don’t exist. You do exist, you’re right. When I complain of the lack of dominant women, I should have ended with the phrase “..for me”. I know it’s a common complaint among dominant women. They have no shortage of emails and dates but a big shortage of submissive men that really turn them on. I however, have a shortage of both so maybe it makes it feel like a more desperate situation.

I know it’s not easy for either side, dominant women or submissive men (lets face it submissive women have it easy.. only joking….kinda.)

Yes I do meet dominant women. I do meet many very very nice dominant women (submissive and switch women too).

There does seem to be a big difference between how I view a play partner as opposed to how others view it. Perhaps I should explain.

If I want to play with you, that means I have a sexual attraction to you (I want you to fuck me). Now I don’t expect if you want to play with me that you have the same feelings. It’s just how I’m wired. I can really only play with women that I want to sleep with too. It’s just one of those things.

I know some people can play with people they’re not sexually attracted to. I’m jealous. I wish I could do the same.

My submission is part of my sexuality, it’s very closely connected for me. If I want to play with someone, that means I’m hoping afterwards that we’ll be naked and rolling around eventually. Of course that rarely happens but it’s still part of it for me.

Years ago I made the mistake of playing with someone I wasn’t attracted to. Do you know what it did to me? It made me want to submit to someone I was attracted to even more. It made me want to fuck even more. Me! The guy who wants to fuck more than anything and then to want it even more. It drives me insane and even more desperate than I am now (yes, it’s possible for me to be even more desperate than I am now).

Even though none of my play experiences these past four or five months has resulted in sex, it’s always been with someone I was dying to please sexually as well as mentally. It drives me. It feels passionate, hot and intense. It doesn’t happen when I’m not attracted to the person. It feels empty and lacking in anything sexual. It’s the difference between getting a hug from someone who just met you and a hug from someone you love. Sure they both feel good and they’re both very similar, but they mean totally different things.

Yes, I’ve felt bad having to say no to people. I’ve felt like an ass because it was based usually on physical attraction more than other reasons. It doesn’t mean I felt I was better than them, just that we’re not a match. You know what? It happens to me all the time too. I hear no every single day from women I’m attracted to. Either directly or indirectly. It sucks but I’m used to it. That’s the nature of it. I hear no when I write a sincere email that gets no reply. I hear no when I’m told I’m too thin, no when I’m told I’m too tall, no when I’m told I don’t make enough money or no for a million other reasons. It happens. I’m almost used to it.

I’m blabbering.

So, to sum up. You’ll no longer read about me wining about the lack of dominant women. You’re right. They are out there. You also won’t read about me complaining about the lack of dominant women I’m attracted to (that just sounds like an ass).

It was not my intent to make all of you amazing dominant women feel like you weren’t amazing enough nor dominant enough. I’ve met a number of you. Some of you made me ache with desire the second I met you. Others made me walk away thrilled that I made a new friend and someone I could share a good conversation with and eager to have another conversation soon. It doesn’t mean one is better than the other.

This apology has started to sound more like a defense than an apology.

Hmmm

I guess I’ll just leave it with:

I’m sorry.

Funny Emails From Vanilla Woman

So I’ve joined Nerve.com after a very very long break. My profile only briefly mentions kink in any way but I’m not going to hide it. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t aware of what she’s getting into. Sure if I were made of money it would be a different story. Not to mention I hate going through the motions of acting vanilla only to have the woman freak out and get pissed that I didn’t mention my submission from the beginning. The majority of the profile is very clean and does make me sound pretty vanilla actually. I talk about growing up on a farm, my musical tastes, what I enjoy in life ect.

Over the past few day’s I’ve had some interesting emails.

I emailed one woman and had this response:

“Sorry, there can only be one sub in the bedroom, and it has to be me! But I am sure we’ll both find what we’re looking for.

cheers!”

Ok, well, at least she was nice.

-After one woman winked at me I sent her an email thanking me for the wink. She then read my profile further and replied with this:

“so sometimes i’ll casually hurl a wink based on raw instinct/curiosity, without dissecting a profile too much … didn’t catch the BDSM “Update” section …
i’m actually very open-minded about the whole delicious world of sex and touch, but hawking for partners online seems … skeevy.
(and unless your recent dates have been nuns, i think you’ll find women are open to lots of things, once they feel safe & trust the guy …)
thanks for emailing, still seem like a cool guy, just don’t want to mislead you into thinking i own handcuffs.”

I wanted to reply with “oh? You must know a lot about dating vanilla women. They really seem open do they? Wow, I’ll remember that next time a woman says “eww” to me when I mention BDSM. Oh and thanks for calling me skeevy. I feel great about myself now.

-Another woman was very nice with her lack of interest.

“It’s funny, i imagine that the statistics are stacked against you a little bit. If you are lucky enough to get a kinky girl – i bet its probably more likely she is going to be submissive. Culturally, i imagine that is just a how it goes more often than not. but, I’m sure they are out there. . . . and you seem like a great guy and deserve it all – good luck out there.”

-Yet another tried to offer some helpful advice

“I think you’re looking in the wrong place for a kinky girl. I am sure there are lots of women on websites like alt. If you join a group like tes.org/beta I’m sure you will meet someone in no time.”

Well at least she was trying to help.

One woman has said she’d be up for getting drinks sometime as long as I didn’t show up wearing “leather and spikes”. That’s much better luck than I expected.

Putting away my leather and spikes now and hope she emails back soon.

Three Dates In One Day

A dominant friend is in town this weekend and she met three submissive men in one day.

She wasn’t at a party either. I’m talking three dates with three different submissive men in one day. She’s picky too, she didn’t just meet any guy who was submissive, she had to narrow the candidates down. She had that many options.

I’m lucky if I meet one Domme every fiscal quarter.

Yet I still hear women like Bitchy Jones claiming that there are just as many dominant women as submissive men.

I’m floored by this idea.

If that’s true. Where are they?

I’m not much for faith. I don’t believe in any kind of God either (though he or she can prove their existence right now by getting the Domme of my dreams to knock at my door right now. Ok… now. Nnnnnnow? How about now. Ok, I just proved there is no god.) I need a proof of purchase when it comes to a god and I need one for the “equal number of dommes” theory as well. I’ve seen no evidence of either being true.

Funny how the two beings I’d like to worship don’t exist.

Look, it’s all about economics. There’s an entire industry built around catering to submissive men. If there were an equal number of dominant women to submissive men, then why aren’t there any women out there looking to pay me to submit to them?

There really isn’t any point to this post. Other than the fact that I know a dominant woman that went on three dates in one day.

Three in one day.

Three dates in one day.

An Open Letter To The Woman Who Gave Me A Good Thrashing Last Night

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Treated Like An Animal

I’ve had three people ask me what I’m into over the past week.

There’s never a good answer to this one since it all depends on who I’m with, what the energy is and what she’s into.

While I love bondage, I also adore letting the woman relax and enjoy herself while I do all the work of kissing and tasting every inch of her body.

What’s more important is what she is into. If I check out the profile of a woman on Fetlife and read her list of kinks, chances are I’m into most of them.

Then someone asked me what I’ve been fantasizing about lately. That’s a different question.

It depends on my mood of but lately I’ve thought a lot about one thing in particular. I’ve been thinking about being used.

Being tied up and objectified, tortured, teased, abused, fucked and everything else you can imagine.

To be treated like an animal and I don’t mean puppy or pony play.

I’ve been fantasizing about being tied or chained standing up, whipped, punched, clamped, gagged, bent over and fucked. Torn to shreds until I’m on my knees and then finally allowed to taste her. Maybe being teased the entire time until I’m allowed to fuck her or get fucked by her until she’s satisfied and we’re both drained.

I have so much pent up sexual and non-sexual energy, I just need a release. I need to be pushed..far and hard.

So yeah, that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.