An Apology

So it turns out my recent posts have made me sound like more of an ass that I am. Then again they may have made me sound exactly like the ass I am.

So here is an apology to every dominant woman out there.

I’m sorry for making it sound like you don’t exist. You do exist, you’re right. When I complain of the lack of dominant women, I should have ended with the phrase “..for me”. I know it’s a common complaint among dominant women. They have no shortage of emails and dates but a big shortage of submissive men that really turn them on. I however, have a shortage of both so maybe it makes it feel like a more desperate situation.

I know it’s not easy for either side, dominant women or submissive men (lets face it submissive women have it easy.. only joking….kinda.)

Yes I do meet dominant women. I do meet many very very nice dominant women (submissive and switch women too).

There does seem to be a big difference between how I view a play partner as opposed to how others view it. Perhaps I should explain.

If I want to play with you, that means I have a sexual attraction to you (I want you to fuck me). Now I don’t expect if you want to play with me that you have the same feelings. It’s just how I’m wired. I can really only play with women that I want to sleep with too. It’s just one of those things.

I know some people can play with people they’re not sexually attracted to. I’m jealous. I wish I could do the same.

My submission is part of my sexuality, it’s very closely connected for me. If I want to play with someone, that means I’m hoping afterwards that we’ll be naked and rolling around eventually. Of course that rarely happens but it’s still part of it for me.

Years ago I made the mistake of playing with someone I wasn’t attracted to. Do you know what it did to me? It made me want to submit to someone I was attracted to even more. It made me want to fuck even more. Me! The guy who wants to fuck more than anything and then to want it even more. It drives me insane and even more desperate than I am now (yes, it’s possible for me to be even more desperate than I am now).

Even though none of my play experiences these past four or five months has resulted in sex, it’s always been with someone I was dying to please sexually as well as mentally. It drives me. It feels passionate, hot and intense. It doesn’t happen when I’m not attracted to the person. It feels empty and lacking in anything sexual. It’s the difference between getting a hug from someone who just met you and a hug from someone you love. Sure they both feel good and they’re both very similar, but they mean totally different things.

Yes, I’ve felt bad having to say no to people. I’ve felt like an ass because it was based usually on physical attraction more than other reasons. It doesn’t mean I felt I was better than them, just that we’re not a match. You know what? It happens to me all the time too. I hear no every single day from women I’m attracted to. Either directly or indirectly. It sucks but I’m used to it. That’s the nature of it. I hear no when I write a sincere email that gets no reply. I hear no when I’m told I’m too thin, no when I’m told I’m too tall, no when I’m told I don’t make enough money or no for a million other reasons. It happens. I’m almost used to it.

I’m blabbering.

So, to sum up. You’ll no longer read about me wining about the lack of dominant women. You’re right. They are out there. You also won’t read about me complaining about the lack of dominant women I’m attracted to (that just sounds like an ass).

It was not my intent to make all of you amazing dominant women feel like you weren’t amazing enough nor dominant enough. I’ve met a number of you. Some of you made me ache with desire the second I met you. Others made me walk away thrilled that I made a new friend and someone I could share a good conversation with and eager to have another conversation soon. It doesn’t mean one is better than the other.

This apology has started to sound more like a defense than an apology.


I guess I’ll just leave it with:

I’m sorry.


This was a really great post, Axe. Thank you. And proud of you.

Also, this got me thinking: about what makes me attracted to a person– you know, enough to have sex with them. And I think the answer is: it changes every time. It was like three years ago when I determined that I had a “type.” Tall skinny brooding indie guys. I was always looking for the tall skinny brooding indie guy! But then something interesting happened to me: I had amazing sex with a short chubby Republican guy. Because I just did. Because I was horny. And how quickly tastes can change when you surprise yourself like that. When availability, simple, lovely availability, becomes ATTRACTIVE. So who knows? Tastes can change. Don’t say “I’m sorry I have to be sexually attracted to someone to play with them.” Don’t be sorry. Just be open. It’s an amazing thing to have wonderful sex with someone you never DREAMED of having sex with once upon a time.

I agree with the above. Dont be sorry (we’ve all got preferences), but perhaps be a little more open…you never know. AND this is your blog, hence your personal experiences, therefore you write as you wish.

Thanks for the apology 🙂 It’s helpful.

I did want to say this: if you are posting about something that happened a while ago, definitely say that at the top of the post or something. Part of what got me so frustrated with the previous post, was that it was written in the present tense, as though it were happening now – so the timing of it, just after having had a conversation about wanting to play, etc., is what made it feel like a brush off. Know what I mean? Then in the comments, you said you were posting about something that had happened weeks before.

When I read a blog written in the present tense (“This weekend, a friend came into town…”) I’m going to assume it’s just happened, not weeks before!

Gah. I am repeating myself now. Still drinking morning coffee. @.@



Open as in, your rigid idea of the ideal woman (physically)…have you ever known a person you werent initially attracted to, but as time progress and you got to know them more intimately or otherwise, your feelings developed. We all think we know what we want, but sometimes life has other plans for you. Be more open to experiencing different people…really good sex can change things lol. Dont shut someone out because they arent leggy, or blonde, someone with 10 toes (lol) etc.

Also, open as in thinking positively (Im sure this is easier said than done). Perhaps try the secret. You really got to keep the optimism going, in a vanilla world you’d have the advantage, reclaim your advantage the best way you know how. Your a tall, handsome man (with all your teeth and a job)…in a sea full of women (hellooo NYC). Most non pro women like to dominate men they think are indomitable (if thats a word) play hard to get, lol…become a submissive challenge.

Some people look for kink.

Some people look for sex and kink.

Some people look for sex, kink and a partner for happy ever after.

Looks like you are only in the medium impossible group. I understand you well though, as My line is between Dominance and Sadism – I can beat somebody up and have fun almost no matter what, but if they are to serve and submit, I really have to WANT them. And if I compromise, I feel disgusted and unhappy. Yep, sounds familiar. I know that doesn’t help much in your search though.

I agree with you, completely.
As a Switch I have whined twice as much as you, “Where are all the Dominate men? as well as “Where all the submissive men?” but, like you I should have tagged both whining questions with the “for me”.
My friends have labeled me “BDSM ADD” as I am rarely intrigued by the men I meet because my first attraction has to be on a primal physical attraction level. However, I do not limit myself by “types” as I have discovered that men can be amazing creatures in many physical forms, if given the chance. That said, I do have a few major physical turn-offs I just cannot get beyond. I think we all do.
Secondly, there has to be intelligence present in the person as I have walked away from “Adonis” types (completely overrated in my opinion) after brief conversations because their intellects did not connect with their mouths. Or perhaps it did, what little was available for them to access and my attraction went straight to “get away from me”.
Ironically, ALL of my partners have stated to me that they do not consider me their “usual” physical type of woman to which they are attracted. So, I too get judge and perhaps do not have the engagments I wish for because of my physical appearance. Although, I have discovered if left in the company of a man who I am attracted to for any amount of time I can make them rethink their initial prejudices of my “type” 😉
Saying, “maybe”, if you’re not completely comfortable with “yes” can open up possibilities that “no” can never lead to.

Your apology made for a great post.

But feel free to whine if that is how you feel. As others have said it is your blog.

Sweet apology.

Nice post, Axe!

“(lets face it submissive women have it easy.. only joking….kinda.)”

Kinda not so much different for us.
Trust me on this.