So I’ve joined Nerve.com after a very very long break. My profile only briefly mentions kink in any way but I’m not going to hide it. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t aware of what she’s getting into. Sure if I were made of money it would be a different story. Not to mention I hate going through the motions of acting vanilla only to have the woman freak out and get pissed that I didn’t mention my submission from the beginning. The majority of the profile is very clean and does make me sound pretty vanilla actually. I talk about growing up on a farm, my musical tastes, what I enjoy in life ect.
Over the past few day’s I’ve had some interesting emails.
I emailed one woman and had this response:
“Sorry, there can only be one sub in the bedroom, and it has to be me! But I am sure we’ll both find what we’re looking for.
Ok, well, at least she was nice.
-After one woman winked at me I sent her an email thanking me for the wink. She then read my profile further and replied with this:
“so sometimes i’ll casually hurl a wink based on raw instinct/curiosity, without dissecting a profile too much … didn’t catch the BDSM “Update” section …
i’m actually very open-minded about the whole delicious world of sex and touch, but hawking for partners online seems … skeevy.
(and unless your recent dates have been nuns, i think you’ll find women are open to lots of things, once they feel safe & trust the guy …)
thanks for emailing, still seem like a cool guy, just don’t want to mislead you into thinking i own handcuffs.”
I wanted to reply with “oh? You must know a lot about dating vanilla women. They really seem open do they? Wow, I’ll remember that next time a woman says “eww” to me when I mention BDSM. Oh and thanks for calling me skeevy. I feel great about myself now.
-Another woman was very nice with her lack of interest.
“It’s funny, i imagine that the statistics are stacked against you a little bit. If you are lucky enough to get a kinky girl – i bet its probably more likely she is going to be submissive. Culturally, i imagine that is just a how it goes more often than not. but, I’m sure they are out there. . . . and you seem like a great guy and deserve it all – good luck out there.”
-Yet another tried to offer some helpful advice
“I think you’re looking in the wrong place for a kinky girl. I am sure there are lots of women on websites like alt. If you join a group like tes.org/beta I’m sure you will meet someone in no time.”
Well at least she was trying to help.
One woman has said she’d be up for getting drinks sometime as long as I didn’t show up wearing “leather and spikes”. That’s much better luck than I expected.
Putting away my leather and spikes now and hope she emails back soon.
I think you must look dommy. I don’t get those reactions from women online, outside of those that email me off my site. Perhaps you need to soften your look generally?
Bad Man: I’m not putting on a dress!
Not sure how else to soften myself.
Wow, those responses suck. I am surprised in a horrified sort of way.
hmmm, you do like dommy, very masculine.
hmm the fourth doesn’t sound too bad, and well the rest you can have a laugh at. I wonder how it would go if you copied the same profile over to one of the kink sites. Might be an interesting experiment.
Hmm.. so the chick who called you ‘skeevy’ was doing what online exactly…? Oh I know.. research.
And for what it’s worth – nothing better than a particularly masculine submissive.
I can understand the spirit of cutting to the chase in stating upfront that you’re kinky. But the problem with that is that there is such misconception out there about what that means, as evidenced by the leather and spikes comment.
I think you are doing the right thing, Axe. I’ve dated on Nerve.com in NYC, it sucks, I end up going out too much, drinking too much, going to bed with vanilla women who then freak out when the subject of kink comes up. The ironic part is that my submissive side makes me better able to dominate the invariably submissive women I meet. I end up feeling like I’m hiding an important part of myself and that just doesn’t work.
By putting this information out front, not only are you being very brave, but you are giving yourself a good chance of meeting a compatible woman. I met a woman almost compatible in that way on Nerve – a former pro domme who was actually submissive, haha. At least she didn’t run screaming from the room when I mentioned a strap-on though.
My advice is to be super-subtle in mentioning your submissiveness in your ad. Clued-in women will pick up on the “X is sexy, X is sexier section”.
I alsoI probably look too dom, which may be a subconscious desire to hide, or could just be me, not sure. I’m working on becoming more integrated. Good luck.
How can a sub look too Dom? I don’t get that at all. I’m looking for a guy who is masculine and manly…that’s what the turn on is! Argh. Frustration.
….and i hear and know that many Dommes espec those who spend much time in vanilla-ville for much of their day, like their sub to be masculine so not sure what to make of all this but….