Helping My Dominant Guy Friends

I am hereby vowing to only post positive posts for the rest of the month. As suggested by Eileen.

I’ve been chatting quite a bit with Bad Man lately. After I made a comment to him regarding the number of submissive women I run across on Nerve, he asked if I could pass alone the usernames of the women who emailed me hoping that I was a dominant. He’d pass along the any dominant women he came across as well. I’m always up for helping a friend so I’ve passed along the usernames of the women who confided in me that they were submissive. I don’t consider it a violation of their trust, if anything I’m helping them find a dominant guy.

I have changed my profile though so it shows more of my submissive side so I doubt I’ll be getting as many emails from submissive women.

I know a lot of submissive women. I’ve set a few up on dates with my dominant friends. There are a few dominant guys I know who will come up to me at an event and ask “Pssst, hey, do you know her?” hoping that I can introduce them.

It’s tricky thing to setup a dominant with a submissive however.

One dominant friend of mine who’s into the more D/s relationship side of things says that most of the submissive women out there are “do-me” subs. Meaning that they’re not as interested in pleasing and serving as they are about getting dominated the way they want to be dominated. I suppose the same could be said for many submissive guys too though.

My matchmaking skills aren’t all that good when it comes to setting up kinky friends. I’ve helped a number of my friends meet others for hot sex or hot play but nothing that resulted in a relationship.

I don’t know many submissive guys however but every time I’ve tried to setup a one of my female dominant friends with one of my submale friends it’s always been a bit awkward.

“Why in the hell would you ever think he and I would be a match?” one friend asked me.

I defended myself, “I don’t know, you both like art”.

It was clear that this was not enough for her, “He’s not a masochist, he can’t hold a conversation and he’s got a penis the size of an eraser”.

“Ok first of all, why would I have a clue how big the guy’s penis is, not to mention his pain threshold , but… Wait, you still played with him even though he couldn’t hold a conversation?”

“Shut up.”

It’s for this reason that I don’t setup my dominant female friends anymore. I just don’t know many submissive guys.

As for my dominant male friends, I’m always keeping an eye out for them.

Funny Emails From Vanilla Woman

So I’ve joined after a very very long break. My profile only briefly mentions kink in any way but I’m not going to hide it. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t aware of what she’s getting into. Sure if I were made of money it would be a different story. Not to mention I hate going through the motions of acting vanilla only to have the woman freak out and get pissed that I didn’t mention my submission from the beginning. The majority of the profile is very clean and does make me sound pretty vanilla actually. I talk about growing up on a farm, my musical tastes, what I enjoy in life ect.

Over the past few day’s I’ve had some interesting emails.

I emailed one woman and had this response:

“Sorry, there can only be one sub in the bedroom, and it has to be me! But I am sure we’ll both find what we’re looking for.


Ok, well, at least she was nice.

-After one woman winked at me I sent her an email thanking me for the wink. She then read my profile further and replied with this:

“so sometimes i’ll casually hurl a wink based on raw instinct/curiosity, without dissecting a profile too much … didn’t catch the BDSM “Update” section …
i’m actually very open-minded about the whole delicious world of sex and touch, but hawking for partners online seems … skeevy.
(and unless your recent dates have been nuns, i think you’ll find women are open to lots of things, once they feel safe & trust the guy …)
thanks for emailing, still seem like a cool guy, just don’t want to mislead you into thinking i own handcuffs.”

I wanted to reply with “oh? You must know a lot about dating vanilla women. They really seem open do they? Wow, I’ll remember that next time a woman says “eww” to me when I mention BDSM. Oh and thanks for calling me skeevy. I feel great about myself now.

-Another woman was very nice with her lack of interest.

“It’s funny, i imagine that the statistics are stacked against you a little bit. If you are lucky enough to get a kinky girl – i bet its probably more likely she is going to be submissive. Culturally, i imagine that is just a how it goes more often than not. but, I’m sure they are out there. . . . and you seem like a great guy and deserve it all – good luck out there.”

-Yet another tried to offer some helpful advice

“I think you’re looking in the wrong place for a kinky girl. I am sure there are lots of women on websites like alt. If you join a group like I’m sure you will meet someone in no time.”

Well at least she was trying to help.

One woman has said she’d be up for getting drinks sometime as long as I didn’t show up wearing “leather and spikes”. That’s much better luck than I expected.

Putting away my leather and spikes now and hope she emails back soon.

I’m TOO submissive

I have been a paying member on Nerve for almost two years. I’ve been on alt and collarme for….well for ages.

I joined Nerve because a Domme friend suggested it.

“You’ll probably find more non-pros on Nerve and more people open to relationships, women are fairly honest and open about what they’re looking for on Nerve.”

I had changed my profile a number of times. At first I merely hinted at being submissive, had tons of “winks” and emails but none from any that were actually dominant or even open to it. I sent countless emails, went on so many dates that it makes my head spin, but didn’t meet a single woman even open to being dominant.

Now my profile is much more blunt, I come right out and explain that I’m only interested in women who are at least curious about BDSM. Now I only get emails asking “what’s BDSM?” and the winks have gone down as well. Two years and not one Domme.

Until this week.

She emailed me asking how “a sweet boy from the midwest became interested in BDSM”. We emailed a few times and she almost demanded that we meet. We met the day after our first email.

I arrived at the bar and spotted her instantly and she smiled at me from across the room. She was even more beautiful than her profile photos.

We talked, she laughed almost the entire time. I was in my element. I was on! I was charming, funny and was hitting this one out of the park.

Then she said something that I had heard before, something that made my stomach hurt the second I heard it. I almost excused myself to use the bathroom because I could feel my eyes getting a little watery.

“I’ve never been with a truly submissive man before.”

She didn’t say it as though it was something she was interested in doing she just said it as a fact. I knew exactly what she meant when she said it.

She’s an Angelina Jolie type:

She’s an incredibly beautiful, powerful and devastatingly smart dominant woman. She can get ANY guy to submit to her. She’s never even heard of Collarme and has only gone to Alt for a good laugh, never to browse or look for a submissive man. She doesn’t need to go there.

She enjoys making a man do something he wouldn’t normally do, she loves the challenge. With me, there’s no challenge, she knows I’ll eagerly submit to her desires and because of that I’m no use to her. She made several comments about how there’s nothing hotter than making a man submit who normally wouldn’t.

There I was sitting across from every submissive man’s dream, she was the reason I moved to New York and yet I’d have a better chance with her if she didn’t know I was submissive. I’d have a better chance if she thought I didn’t want to do everything she enjoyed.

She asked all the normal questions the Angelina Jolie type will ask:

-You’ve been looking for almost all your life and you’ve never had a D/s relationship? Why? How’s that possible?

-I would think most women would want a boy like you. You’re attractive, smart, funny and want nothing more than to please a dominant woman.

-Have you tried CraigsList?

-Have you tried meeting a vanilla woman and then telling her after she’s fallen in love with you? If a woman loved you she’s give you whatever you want.

-Are you too picky?

We had fun and she want’s to be friends.

I have a few friends like her:

I’ll get to hear all of the dirty details about how she gets vanilla men to submit to her in ways they never thought they would. I’ll console her and give her advice when she’s having problems “training” her vanilla boyfriend. She will constantly be amazed when she hears my stories about trying to find a woman like her and she will try to console me even though she has no frame of reference. She will make the occasional joke about dominating me but never will. I will ache for her every time I see her.

Oh well, maybe she has a sister.

I’m taking my Nerve profile down once it expires next month.