vanilla women

Have It Your Way

We were having dinner one night. Throughout the meal she had been complaining about not being able to find a guy to fuck her (her words) the way she wanted.

“All I want is a guy who can get it up and can last more than ten minutes and can fuck me fast and hard or slow and soft, depending on my mood. Is that too much to ask for?”.

She had broken up with her boyfriend a few months ago and her biggest complaint was their unequal sexual appetites. She was one of the few vanilla friends I had that knew about my…. interests.

Me: Why don’t you find a submissive guy?

Her:Um I don’t want to tie up and gag a guy, I just want him to fuck me the way I want.

Me: Most of the sex I have has nothing to do with rope. Usually it’s with either me on top or my head between her legs.

Her: What about doggy style? Do you do doggy style?

Me: What do you think? That I’d tell her I don’t want to have sex in a position just because it’s not with me on the bottom? That sounds more selfish than submissive.

Her: So you’ll fuck her hard and you don’t see that as being dominant?

Me: You mean I do it the way that gets her off and I don’t see it as being dominant? No!

She looked at me in disbelief and started throwing a bunch of what-ifs at me.

Her: What if she wanted you to fuck her in the ass instead of her putting on a strap-on? Would you do it?

Me: Are you drunk? Of course I would.

Her: And you don’t see that as being dominant at all? What if she wanted you and another guy to double-team her?

Me: I’ve done that before.

Her: What? And you two weren’t dominant?

Me: The other guy was vanilla and it was clear that it was all about her so….no.

Her: What if she wanted to get on her knees and go down on you?

Me: Are you insane? What part of “if she’s getting off, then I’m getting off” don’t you understand?

Her: So do you make her spank you after you’ve done something dominant? You know, to even yourself out again?

I could tell she was just giving me shit at this point. Trying to push my buttons. I didn’t answer her.

After a minute or two of silence and deep thinking on her part, she asked me:

“Can you help me write an ad looking for a submissive on Craigslist?”

How Do You Flirt With Milk?

I’ve decided that sex is a higher priority than kinky sex at this point. I’ve been doing the vanilla thing lately. I’ve joined a few vanilla dating sites. One where I hint at who I really am, one where I come right out and say it and other where I seem like just another guy. The third one is the one with all the emails.

I’m working on my flirting skills as well. Normally I don’t flirt that much with people I run into randomly but I’ve decided I need to change how I interact with the world.

One thing I’ve been doing lately is smiling at a woman walking down the street toward me and see how long it takes for her to smile back. If she’s walking with her head up I can usually get her to smile 60-70 percent of the time. It’s a good thing to make someone smile. It gives me an emotional hard-on to be able to get someone who wasn’t smiling to beam with a big grin.

My most recent attempt at flirting was at Starbucks. I was standing in front of a woman in line and I couldn’t help but want to strike up a conversation with her . I thought and thought of a good way to initiate one. Then it struck me…Milk! I’ll offer her milk for her coffee!

I slowly walked to the table in the back with my coffee and acted like I was checking out something on my phone. I poured half and half into my cup, taking my time so it wouldn’t look like I was just standing there holding a big thing of half and half waiting for her. She ordered some fancy half-caf-moca-chapa-rapa-chino-late-grande-non-fat-thingy so it was taking a while. I timed it perfectly so I was just finishing my pour when I asked if she wanted half an half.

I imagined what her reaction wold be:

“You’re offering me half and half? You’re clearly very in tune with my wants and needs. You must come home with me now so we can roll around in my bed for hours. I’ll use your abilities to know what pleases me to quench this deep carnal thirst. For a few hours you will be mine and we won’t stop until every muscle in our bodies is worn out from succumbing to this lustful ache. You will fuck me and I will fuck you. And in the morning, you will cook me breakfast.”

What she actually did, was smile at me and reach for the non-fat milk.

I did get a smile though.

Funny Emails From Vanilla Woman

So I’ve joined after a very very long break. My profile only briefly mentions kink in any way but I’m not going to hide it. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t aware of what she’s getting into. Sure if I were made of money it would be a different story. Not to mention I hate going through the motions of acting vanilla only to have the woman freak out and get pissed that I didn’t mention my submission from the beginning. The majority of the profile is very clean and does make me sound pretty vanilla actually. I talk about growing up on a farm, my musical tastes, what I enjoy in life ect.

Over the past few day’s I’ve had some interesting emails.

I emailed one woman and had this response:

“Sorry, there can only be one sub in the bedroom, and it has to be me! But I am sure we’ll both find what we’re looking for.


Ok, well, at least she was nice.

-After one woman winked at me I sent her an email thanking me for the wink. She then read my profile further and replied with this:

“so sometimes i’ll casually hurl a wink based on raw instinct/curiosity, without dissecting a profile too much … didn’t catch the BDSM “Update” section …
i’m actually very open-minded about the whole delicious world of sex and touch, but hawking for partners online seems … skeevy.
(and unless your recent dates have been nuns, i think you’ll find women are open to lots of things, once they feel safe & trust the guy …)
thanks for emailing, still seem like a cool guy, just don’t want to mislead you into thinking i own handcuffs.”

I wanted to reply with “oh? You must know a lot about dating vanilla women. They really seem open do they? Wow, I’ll remember that next time a woman says “eww” to me when I mention BDSM. Oh and thanks for calling me skeevy. I feel great about myself now.

-Another woman was very nice with her lack of interest.

“It’s funny, i imagine that the statistics are stacked against you a little bit. If you are lucky enough to get a kinky girl – i bet its probably more likely she is going to be submissive. Culturally, i imagine that is just a how it goes more often than not. but, I’m sure they are out there. . . . and you seem like a great guy and deserve it all – good luck out there.”

-Yet another tried to offer some helpful advice

“I think you’re looking in the wrong place for a kinky girl. I am sure there are lots of women on websites like alt. If you join a group like I’m sure you will meet someone in no time.”

Well at least she was trying to help.

One woman has said she’d be up for getting drinks sometime as long as I didn’t show up wearing “leather and spikes”. That’s much better luck than I expected.

Putting away my leather and spikes now and hope she emails back soon.

Losing My Submission

This past week I’ve felt very disconnected from my submission.

I feel like I don’t have a compass right now.

It’s not that I don’t feel like I want to submit, or want to be submissive. It’s just….I don’t know.

It’s like I’m missing a body part or something.

It could be that I’m feeling more jaded than normal, or that I’ve hit a wall of some sort.

The feeling I normally have is difficult to describe. It’s not like I’m walking around being submissive all day. It’s more like..hmmm It’s like my IPhone. I’m not always using it but it’s nice to know it’s there. It’s comforting that I have it with me. A geeky comparison I know, but that’s the best way to describe it at this point.

A woman hit on me this week while standing in line for coffee. Very attractive and someone I’d consider “my type”. It was obvious that she was interested in more than just sex, but the flirting did seem sexual. I avoided it and didn’t flirt back. I could tell she was either submissive or vanilla (don’t ask, I just know). I just didn’t feel like having to go through the “well..there is one thing you should know about me first….”. I’ve been down that road before and it never works out in a positive way.

There is a small part of me that feels like a tiny weight has been lifted. I don’t feel as stressed but I also don’t feel driven either.

I miss it right now. I wonder if being on my knees for someone or being tied up and helpless….would help.

Surprisingly my sex drive hasn’t gone down with it. It’s skirt weather here in New York and I find myself constantly trying not to stare and drool at women with impossibly great legs.

Why can’t I be a breast-man instead of a leg-guy? Breasts are covered up, legs are everywhere. The second I see a great pair of legs I get really excited, then I feel myself whimper the next. I’l avert my eyes and try not to think of anything sexual. Putting gum in my mouth to curb the oral fixation. With the warmer weather I don’t have the benefit of a long coat to cover up any evidence of me being turned on. There have been times when I’ve had to run into a store and buy something just so I’ll have a bag or a newspaper to hold in front of me.

I’m not panicked about not having my submission right now. I’m sure it will come back again someday. Maybe tomorrow or next month. It’s just an strange feeling not to have it now.