How Do You Flirt With Milk?

I’ve decided that sex is a higher priority than kinky sex at this point. I’ve been doing the vanilla thing lately. I’ve joined a few vanilla dating sites. One where I hint at who I really am, one where I come right out and say it and other where I seem like just another guy. The third one is the one with all the emails.

I’m working on my flirting skills as well. Normally I don’t flirt that much with people I run into randomly but I’ve decided I need to change how I interact with the world.

One thing I’ve been doing lately is smiling at a woman walking down the street toward me and see how long it takes for her to smile back. If she’s walking with her head up I can usually get her to smile 60-70 percent of the time. It’s a good thing to make someone smile. It gives me an emotional hard-on to be able to get someone who wasn’t smiling to beam with a big grin.

My most recent attempt at flirting was at Starbucks. I was standing in front of a woman in line and I couldn’t help but want to strike up a conversation with her . I thought and thought of a good way to initiate one. Then it struck me…Milk! I’ll offer her milk for her coffee!

I slowly walked to the table in the back with my coffee and acted like I was checking out something on my phone. I poured half and half into my cup, taking my time so it wouldn’t look like I was just standing there holding a big thing of half and half waiting for her. She ordered some fancy half-caf-moca-chapa-rapa-chino-late-grande-non-fat-thingy so it was taking a while. I timed it perfectly so I was just finishing my pour when I asked if she wanted half an half.

I imagined what her reaction wold be:

“You’re offering me half and half? You’re clearly very in tune with my wants and needs. You must come home with me now so we can roll around in my bed for hours. I’ll use your abilities to know what pleases me to quench this deep carnal thirst. For a few hours you will be mine and we won’t stop until every muscle in our bodies is worn out from succumbing to this lustful ache. You will fuck me and I will fuck you. And in the morning, you will cook me breakfast.”

What she actually did, was smile at me and reach for the non-fat milk.

I did get a smile though.