It’s one of the more common questions that people ask me:

“Why don’t you go to a pro?”

The answer is long and nuanced but the biggest reasons are as follows.

-Being wanted:

I want to be wanted, taken, desired, owned, even if it’s for a short time. If I went to a pro, I’d be admitting to myself that I couldn’t find someone who wanted me because I’m desirable, even for a short time. It would be a very hard thing to admit to, knowing that the only way was to pay someone. I also know that it would only be part of the equation. There would be many things that I’d never experience with a pro, like fucking ourselves silly and cuddling after a really intense scene.

-Pleasing:

The last thing I’d want is for someone to play with me if she didn’t want to or wasn’t in the mood. Nor would I want her to do anything to me that she didn’t love. The fact is, I’m sure she has better things to do than play with me. I always felt if I really wanted to please her, I’d just hand her the money and leave. Considering that I know more professionals who are submissive than dominant in their personal lives, this seemed to be obvious.

-Money

I’m not a wealthy guy. If I did go and really liked it I’d want to go again…I’d want to go every day but could probably only afford to go three times a year. I won’t lie though, in moments of extreme desperation I think I may have gone if I had the money.

There will probably be a day when I do start going to a pro-domme. As the possibility of meeting someone slips further and further away I have a feeling it’s only a matter of time.

Three years ago the very idea of Pro-Dommes was one that I never would have considered. Every professional I imagined was just a stripper who held a whip. Everything she knew about BDSM came from softcore porn. They’d lie cheat and steal just to make a buck (I had been tricked by one before and it left a bad taste in my mouth). At least that’s what I thought. I was wrong.

My first “really?” moment was when I met someone was once a pro and was dominant in her personal life too. She’s smart, funny, someone who I went out on a few dates with. It didn’t take me long to realize I was wrong about putting professionals into one big group. She’s now one of my best friends and someone I love dearly.

Later I briefly met someone who once again confirmed that there were professionals who were passionate about the lifestyle. Hearing her talk it was obvious that was as much a spiritual thing for her as it was physical. I googled her shortly after meeting her at a friends party (I think I may have even emailed her to say hi in hopes that she’d email back saying “hey I’m single, let’s date”). Reading her blog was eye opening. If you have a chance to read Mistress Yin’s journal you’ll see what I mean.

Troy Orleans is another professional that makes me think there should be a different term for the word. “Pro-Domme” can mean such a wide variety of people. She has this classy and confident vibe about her. When you read her blog you imagine her typing it from the edge of her seat with a big smile on her face as though she knows something you don’t. She probably does.

MVX is smart and funny as hell (I almost said as a whip but that would be too….obvious) and the few times I’ve hung out with her, she seems like someone who really enjoys taking a bite out of life. On top of that, she’s an incredibly nice person and knows more about fine dining than I’ll ever know in my lifetime. Every time I’ve discussed food with her she’s mentioned dishes that I’ve had to google. Again, did I mention she’s smart? I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a MENSA membership hiding in her purse.

Calico is…well….Calico is Calico. Read her blog. Nuff Said. She seems so comfortable, confident and well… fierce. Even when she’s quiet and not saying anything it can be a bit intimidating.

After meeting people like these I’ve realized not all professionals are cut from the same cloth. While my ideal experience would be with someone I’m sexually involved with, the ability to at least know what it’s like to experience certain things might make up for it.

There are things I want to do before I die and I’ll probably have to pay for all of them. I want to see the world and as much as I’d like it if the airlines wanted to fly me for free because they like me and WANT to fly me to exotic locations, it’s not realistic to expect it.