femdom

Finding The Other 95% Of Dominant Women

This post by Ms Jones really struck home with me.

For those of you that aren’t familiar, the ratio of Dominant women to submissive men is…well way off. Some say it’s a 1/20. I say it’s 1/98239873498. At least it feels that way.

So how does one find that other 95%? Clearly we need to make the enviroment more comfortable for them so they don’t feel like freaks (or at least in a bad way). We need to sneak more things into our media showing healthy, smart, successful women in control and overpowering men…in a good way.

Ok I got a little turned on there.

Maybe I should run for office and make it a requirement that all women who get a little turned on from the thought of being dominant need to register with the DMV or something. That way you could just look at her drives license and see:

“Oh look you’re an organ donor and you enjoy service, protocols, heavy caning and oral worship”.

It would be so much easier. Then I could get a job as a bouncer and I’d meet plenty every night.

It’s so crazy it just might work.

Another friend pointed out that it’s much easier being a dominant man and gradually introducing BDSM in a relationship than a submissive man. He suggested that I try dominating a little in bed first and then see if she’s more interested in turning the tables on me.

While that may work in theory, I don’t think I could bring myself to do it.

Ownership

I have been active in the lifestyle for almost ten years now (though it’s difficult to be active when living in the midwest, hence the reason I moved to NYC two years ago). I’ve been interested in one aspect or another of BDSM for as long as I can remember. While there are many things I’ve tried, there are many more I haven’t. Some are things I would only be able to do within the context of a relationship.

While talking to a fellow sub recently, she posed a thought that I had never crossed my mind.

What if I have some false ideas about what a D/s relationship would be like. What if I wouldn’t enjoy it? What if I am meant to only enjoy casual play and anything longer than a few hours would be too much for me?

Then she brought up another idea….a hair-brained scheme of sorts. One of those “It’s so crazy, it just might work” ideas.

The idea? A full weekend of slavery.

“What if you could spend a whole weekend as an owned submissive? Sure it wouldn’t be anything like a real relationship, but at least you’d have a better feel for what it would be like, you’d at least get a taste so you could find out if you’re on the right path or not.”

I had never questioned if I was on the right path or not, it just felt right. But she did have a point, one that I couldn’t imagine being true, but she still had a point.

A full weekend of knowing what it was like to be under someone’s total control. Of course it wouldn’t be two straight days of play, it would probably be more like a relationship. There may be some play but there would be a lot of down time, perhaps I could do chores/service. Who knows what it would be like.

If it’s hard to find someone for casual play that I’m into and impossible to find someone for a relationship. Finding someone for something in the middle would be difficult.

“You could go to a pro for a weekend” she said.

“Yeah great, I’ll just save every penny for 3 years and let you know how that turns out”.

A few things have come to mind when I contemplate doing this.

-I would have to be willing to travel anywhere in the country to find someone up for this.

-It would have to be someone I totally trusted, spend even more time getting to know them than I would for casual play.

-It would have to be someone who was prepared for my emotional reaction when the weekend came to an end. I have a feeling I would get very emotional after finally having a taste, a very small hint of what I’m looking for and then having that come to an end.

-It would be nice to find someone who actually has some experience in a D/s relationship, someone who knew what the reality was like, or at least someone who had a good idea of what they wanted in the context of a D/s relationship.

-It would have to be someone who wanted to experience it as much as I did.

“That’s a pretty tall order,” my friend blurted.

As we were leaving the diner, she handed me 50 cent’s.

“What’s this for?”

“You might as well start saving for the pro-domme weekend now”.

“Smartass”

I’m TOO submissive

I have been a paying member on Nerve for almost two years. I’ve been on alt and collarme for….well for ages.

I joined Nerve because a Domme friend suggested it.

“You’ll probably find more non-pros on Nerve and more people open to relationships, women are fairly honest and open about what they’re looking for on Nerve.”

I had changed my profile a number of times. At first I merely hinted at being submissive, had tons of “winks” and emails but none from any that were actually dominant or even open to it. I sent countless emails, went on so many dates that it makes my head spin, but didn’t meet a single woman even open to being dominant.

Now my profile is much more blunt, I come right out and explain that I’m only interested in women who are at least curious about BDSM. Now I only get emails asking “what’s BDSM?” and the winks have gone down as well. Two years and not one Domme.

Until this week.

She emailed me asking how “a sweet boy from the midwest became interested in BDSM”. We emailed a few times and she almost demanded that we meet. We met the day after our first email.

I arrived at the bar and spotted her instantly and she smiled at me from across the room. She was even more beautiful than her profile photos.

We talked, she laughed almost the entire time. I was in my element. I was on! I was charming, funny and was hitting this one out of the park.

Then she said something that I had heard before, something that made my stomach hurt the second I heard it. I almost excused myself to use the bathroom because I could feel my eyes getting a little watery.

“I’ve never been with a truly submissive man before.”

She didn’t say it as though it was something she was interested in doing she just said it as a fact. I knew exactly what she meant when she said it.

She’s an Angelina Jolie type:

She’s an incredibly beautiful, powerful and devastatingly smart dominant woman. She can get ANY guy to submit to her. She’s never even heard of Collarme and has only gone to Alt for a good laugh, never to browse or look for a submissive man. She doesn’t need to go there.

She enjoys making a man do something he wouldn’t normally do, she loves the challenge. With me, there’s no challenge, she knows I’ll eagerly submit to her desires and because of that I’m no use to her. She made several comments about how there’s nothing hotter than making a man submit who normally wouldn’t.

There I was sitting across from every submissive man’s dream, she was the reason I moved to New York and yet I’d have a better chance with her if she didn’t know I was submissive. I’d have a better chance if she thought I didn’t want to do everything she enjoyed.

She asked all the normal questions the Angelina Jolie type will ask:

-You’ve been looking for almost all your life and you’ve never had a D/s relationship? Why? How’s that possible?

-I would think most women would want a boy like you. You’re attractive, smart, funny and want nothing more than to please a dominant woman.

-Have you tried CraigsList?

-Have you tried meeting a vanilla woman and then telling her after she’s fallen in love with you? If a woman loved you she’s give you whatever you want.

-Are you too picky?

We had fun and she want’s to be friends.

I have a few friends like her:

I’ll get to hear all of the dirty details about how she gets vanilla men to submit to her in ways they never thought they would. I’ll console her and give her advice when she’s having problems “training” her vanilla boyfriend. She will constantly be amazed when she hears my stories about trying to find a woman like her and she will try to console me even though she has no frame of reference. She will make the occasional joke about dominating me but never will. I will ache for her every time I see her.

Oh well, maybe she has a sister.

I’m taking my Nerve profile down once it expires next month.

Found Femdom: H&M

Hair pulling?An aggressive facial expression?She’s in a position higher than he is?Thanks H&M, you made my subway ride much more tolerable.