I have been active in the lifestyle for almost ten years now (though it’s difficult to be active when living in the midwest, hence the reason I moved to NYC two years ago). I’ve been interested in one aspect or another of BDSM for as long as I can remember. While there are many things I’ve tried, there are many more I haven’t. Some are things I would only be able to do within the context of a relationship.

While talking to a fellow sub recently, she posed a thought that I had never crossed my mind.

What if I have some false ideas about what a D/s relationship would be like. What if I wouldn’t enjoy it? What if I am meant to only enjoy casual play and anything longer than a few hours would be too much for me?

Then she brought up another idea….a hair-brained scheme of sorts. One of those “It’s so crazy, it just might work” ideas.

The idea? A full weekend of slavery.

“What if you could spend a whole weekend as an owned submissive? Sure it wouldn’t be anything like a real relationship, but at least you’d have a better feel for what it would be like, you’d at least get a taste so you could find out if you’re on the right path or not.”

I had never questioned if I was on the right path or not, it just felt right. But she did have a point, one that I couldn’t imagine being true, but she still had a point.

A full weekend of knowing what it was like to be under someone’s total control. Of course it wouldn’t be two straight days of play, it would probably be more like a relationship. There may be some play but there would be a lot of down time, perhaps I could do chores/service. Who knows what it would be like.

If it’s hard to find someone for casual play that I’m into and impossible to find someone for a relationship. Finding someone for something in the middle would be difficult.

“You could go to a pro for a weekend” she said.

“Yeah great, I’ll just save every penny for 3 years and let you know how that turns out”.

A few things have come to mind when I contemplate doing this.

-I would have to be willing to travel anywhere in the country to find someone up for this.

-It would have to be someone I totally trusted, spend even more time getting to know them than I would for casual play.

-It would have to be someone who was prepared for my emotional reaction when the weekend came to an end. I have a feeling I would get very emotional after finally having a taste, a very small hint of what I’m looking for and then having that come to an end.

-It would be nice to find someone who actually has some experience in a D/s relationship, someone who knew what the reality was like, or at least someone who had a good idea of what they wanted in the context of a D/s relationship.

-It would have to be someone who wanted to experience it as much as I did.

“That’s a pretty tall order,” my friend blurted.

As we were leaving the diner, she handed me 50 cent’s.

“What’s this for?”

“You might as well start saving for the pro-domme weekend now”.



The thing about d/s relationships is that they are all different. It might be that you find yourself in a relationship with a dom who knows exactly how she wants things to go, and then there’s a small amount of negotiation, or it might be that you are in a situation more like my present relationship, where the two parties have to forge a path together.

OK, so, this comment is completely pointless. But good luck.

So I’ve read your post several times and think about how an arrangement like that would work for me. I don’t know that it could. I have played with people for weekends that I have no emotional attachment to for exactly that reason. I take them for a bit and hand them back to their owner at the agreed upon time. The few I know that I would want in the scenario you describe seem to get lost in the timing & planning of such a weekend. For them I would give my undivided attention and expect theirs in return. Although there would be downtime I would want to plan (& replan & have a backup plan) for each moment. I too would feel the emotional pull when the time came to part. Maybe that’s the biggest reason I have not found the time for the ones I truly wish to keep…

As always, I wish you luck in your search. If you do pursue this, I’ll chip in $1 if you promise to write about your experience :).


Stephanie: Wow, those are some lucky subs there.

ok this is going to be a long as reply. get ready.

Ok I have had these type of “paid” weekends being in the league that I was I got paid for this 1500 k. Of course it drained me because it was more a script and not what a real weekend was. Don’t waste your money and this is from a Pro Domme that says so.

Now on the other hand I did own two slaves, one female and one male. We would have weekends sometimes just me and him and somtimes just me and her.

For the most part you wouldn’t be able to tell that we werenaything other thena vanilla cuople say 60 persent of the time. But I ordered their food, I gave instructions, I told them what I wnated as assignenment to be completed throughout the weekend.

I was in love with both and I often came up to them in mid taks and either kisses them passionately or smakced then to a inch of their safe word, I simply was able to be me and not tobe the Domme 24 fucking 7 although I was.

This sort of weekend I fear can’t be had unless you HAVE a relationship. I can’t live with myself if this happend and I wasn’t there for my submissive for the weeks after and the aftercare. 72 hours is a lot of time.

I think if you are realistic (shit why are you not closer?) try working this out a few hours at a time. Remember when I 1st play with someone I have a lot of that on energy going on, I have to get into the groove of the relationship and make it feel like a often worn glove before I let myself loose. Sorry to destroy what a Domme should be.. all on top of the world but hey you get honesty from me. That mean vulnerablity and yeah Dommes feel that too.

So I hope this is not a stupid question but Why couldn’t you set this up as you would any other casual sexual weekend with someone you know and trust? Just because it would be a D/s Activity, I don’t see why you could not treat it the same as you would any other weekend tryst. You would only do something like that with someone you trust and someone you know you have sexual compatibility with. So why can’t the same go for the weekend long scene. Plan it with a Domme you trust and have history sceneing with and try to leave room for changes on both sides. All I am am saying is If you over plan it it might just ruin it for you, and leave you with the feeling that its not real enough for a taste of the real thing.

impossible is nothing

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The Best Sex Bloggers » Curious ThingsOctober 26, 2008 at 5:47 am

[…] I know now that my previous goal (I wrote about it here) of having a weekend where I was totally owned and controlled by someone is totally unrealistic. […]