pro-dommes

Cuddling And Why It Pays To Be A Pro Domme

· February 29, 2008 · Thoughts · , , , · 9 Comments

I’m such a freak for cuddling.

I love it.

I can’t cuddle with just anyone of course, but wow. When there’s that connection. The warm body, the smell of her skin. The way two bodies can fit together so perfectly.

Have you ever woken up while cuddling, maybe at 5 or 6 in the morning and your just barely awake enough to realize your cuddling but you can’t think of anything else other than the feeling of being half awake and cuddling? That my friends, is perfection.

I’ve heard of Cuddle Parties, and have been tempted to go to one here in New York. The thing is, I doubt random cuddling would have the same result. It’s an interesting concept though.

It would have to be in my top 5 favorite things in the world. Cuddling along with being beaten, bondage, oral worship and…hmmm something else.

Maybe a Macbook Pro.

That reminds me, a Pro Domme friend of mine recently made a guy buy her a Macbook Pro.

There was some sub that just emailed her out of the blue and wanted to pay for her bills, so she said “OK, here you go…oh..and buy me a new Macbook Pro”, and the guy did it!

Can you imagine? Someone buying you a Mac and they’ve never even met you?

That’s even more intimate than cuddling with someone you don’t know.

Pro-Dommes: Good Or Bad?

· January 8, 2008 · Thoughts · , · 42 Comments

Ah, here’s a touchy one.

I do have a few friends who are, or were Pro-Dommes so my thoughts on this may be a bit skewed due to my adoration of them.

I know many people in the lifestyle who have nothing but hatred for Pros. I’m not one of them. In fact, I am very grateful that lifestyle pros exist.

After all, if a guy out there just needs a kinky fix and will go to a Pro, that’s one less guy that I’m competing with out in the real world. Pros thin the herd. They help remove the guys that would otherwise be standing in my way of meeting someone.

Also, what if some woman sees an image of a Pro and is inspired to become a lifestyle Domme because the idea turns her on? It could happen!

I think the reason is because there are many different types of people who will dominate for money and some of these other kinds get mislabeled as a Pro-Domme.

There’s the woman who will lead a guy on, try to make him think she wants a relationship but he needs to prove his submission to her by giving her a tribute. I fell for this a couple of times when I first moved to NYC. My desire to serve blinded me into thinking that she really was interested in me, this was just the best way to separate myself from the phonies. Yeah…not smart. I’m ashamed to say I fell for it three times (and lost around $600) before my credit card helped me see the light.

There are unscrupulous Pro-Dommes out there of course.

Ugh…I can still remember a very painful memory of how I was tricked by one. Well, I was stupid and naive so that doesn’t help either.

Just after I moved to the city I found a Domme on Collarme who was very interested in me. After a week or so she wanted to meet. She wanted to meet me at a dungeon she likes to take her subs to, I would be required to pay the $100 “rent” for the dungeon. I told her I wasn’t interested in Pros and she assured me that she was wanted me as her personal slave but this was just the way that she went about meeting her potential subs. It was the interview process.

I arrived and quickly realized it was a dungeon filled with Pros but I decided to go along with it, after all, maybe she was the real deal.

We went to her room and she had me kneel. We talked for a few minutes then she had me strip and she bound me to a spreader-bar hanging from the ceiling. She didn’t want to know anything about me really. I could almost tell that this wasn’t personal for her in any way. She toyed with me for a few minutes and after she was done she told me that she still wasn’t sure about me. I would have to come back at least four more times and bring $250 each time if I wanted to be considered.

As the door on the elevator to the dungeon closed behind me, I began to cry.

She knew I didn’t have that kind of money, yet she told me if I really wanted to be her slave I would find a way.

How is it that I’m not filled with hatred for everyone who charges after that? I don’t know. Probably because I do know of a few who are honorable the way they do it. I don’t mix them in with the bad ones.

Here’s the other thing, I like knowing it’s there for me as an option. While I can’t imagine going to one, I like knowing that someday (maybe soon) it may be the only way for me to experience it.

I’ve spent thousands of dollars (debt) going on countless dates that don’t go past the expensive dinner, attended many events and paid for memberships to dating sites that haven’t yielded anything more than a handshake. Rather than feeling empty after doing all of that, wouldn’t it be better if I felt empty after experiencing some play? It would probably cost less in the long run.

Just like anything else there are good people and bad people. Good presidents and bad presidents. Good mechanics and bad mechanics. Good Pro-Dommes and bad Pro-Dommes.

I’m grateful for the good ones.

Unexpected Results

· January 6, 2008 · Thoughts · , · 4 Comments

When I started this li’l blog just a few months ago, I thought of it only as a way for me to vent my frustrations, express my desires and internalize my thoughts by putting them down on paper….or…html. The last thing I imagined was how many great people I would meet as a result of it.

In such a short time I’ve met people who are so amazing that it makes me giddy to know I’ve met someone new.

You know that feeling you get when you meet someone romantically and afterwards you’re just thrilled that you’ve met them? I feel the same way about new friends. I’ve made a number of them from this blog.

I had a chance to really sit down and talk with Eileen and Maymay yesterday. What I thought would be simple coffee for an hour or so turned into many hours of passionate discussions about….well…you name it.

Shortly after we met we were joined by two friends I adore. It felt so good to be surrounded by old friends and new friends. I’m still giddy about it!

As soon as I jumped on the subway after our meet-up I made a few notes about some topics that came up in our conversations.

-Why the hell are there more Domme/Dom relationships than Domme/sub?

-What’s better? Getting some of what you need or nothing at all (0% vs 1%)?

-Why are so many Pro Dommes submissive?

-Are we better off that Pro-domination exists or worse?

-Can robots help stop global warming?

Yes it was a good time had by all.

My First Night In NYC and My First BDSM club

· January 4, 2008 · Thoughts · , , · 7 Comments

I’ve said before that I move to New York with the hope of meeting a Domme.

My first night in town, before unpacking, before anything, I wanted to go to a BDSM club to meet my future Domme.

I’ll admit I was in total dreamland about the local scene.

“This will be great”, I thought “I’ll meet several Dommes tonight and hopefully have a date or two setup and maybe meet my future owner. it may be best if I don’t unpack my things because she may want me to just move in with her by the end of the month”.

I had no fetish clothing of course. Why would I need any? I had never been to a BDSM club before and had no idea what to expect. Though I did imagine what it might be like.

I had spent months online, emailing people, reading up on the local scene and trying to find the best places to go. My first night was a weeknight so I knew that I would be a fairly light crowd.

I had several options of where to go but I picked one that didn’t sound so intimidating.

Calling it an event is using the term fairly generously. It was more of a gathering than an event. It was at a seedy looking bar and the cover was 30 dollars or something like that.

Ok wait. Imagine this. Farmboy from the midwest, first night in NYC, not knowing how to navigate the subways or even how to hail a cab, going into a BDSM club to find what has brought him here in the first place.

I walked in and (stupidly) was expecting to find this:

What I saw was this:

Ok..not exactly that..but basically a bunch of guys sitting around.

Then I saw her…a very attractive woman sitting on a chair with one guy on each foot worshiping her toes. I asked around and learned that she was a pro and I could worship her feet for fourty bucks or something like that.

It was a bit of a rude awakening but at least I knew what I was in for.

Obviously I had entirely the wrong impression of what the scene would be like in New York.

It’s normally not as bad as my first night out, but I suppose it’s best that I had one of my worst experiences on my first night.

Who knows, maybe there’s an alternate universe where there are a hundred Dominant women for every sub male and I am a very happy boy.

Ownership

· December 14, 2007 · Thoughts · , , , , , · 7 Comments

I have been active in the lifestyle for almost ten years now (though it’s difficult to be active when living in the midwest, hence the reason I moved to NYC two years ago). I’ve been interested in one aspect or another of BDSM for as long as I can remember. While there are many things I’ve tried, there are many more I haven’t. Some are things I would only be able to do within the context of a relationship.

While talking to a fellow sub recently, she posed a thought that I had never crossed my mind.

What if I have some false ideas about what a D/s relationship would be like. What if I wouldn’t enjoy it? What if I am meant to only enjoy casual play and anything longer than a few hours would be too much for me?

Then she brought up another idea….a hair-brained scheme of sorts. One of those “It’s so crazy, it just might work” ideas.

The idea? A full weekend of slavery.

“What if you could spend a whole weekend as an owned submissive? Sure it wouldn’t be anything like a real relationship, but at least you’d have a better feel for what it would be like, you’d at least get a taste so you could find out if you’re on the right path or not.”

I had never questioned if I was on the right path or not, it just felt right. But she did have a point, one that I couldn’t imagine being true, but she still had a point.

A full weekend of knowing what it was like to be under someone’s total control. Of course it wouldn’t be two straight days of play, it would probably be more like a relationship. There may be some play but there would be a lot of down time, perhaps I could do chores/service. Who knows what it would be like.

If it’s hard to find someone for casual play that I’m into and impossible to find someone for a relationship. Finding someone for something in the middle would be difficult.

“You could go to a pro for a weekend” she said.

“Yeah great, I’ll just save every penny for 3 years and let you know how that turns out”.

A few things have come to mind when I contemplate doing this.

-I would have to be willing to travel anywhere in the country to find someone up for this.

-It would have to be someone I totally trusted, spend even more time getting to know them than I would for casual play.

-It would have to be someone who was prepared for my emotional reaction when the weekend came to an end. I have a feeling I would get very emotional after finally having a taste, a very small hint of what I’m looking for and then having that come to an end.

-It would be nice to find someone who actually has some experience in a D/s relationship, someone who knew what the reality was like, or at least someone who had a good idea of what they wanted in the context of a D/s relationship.

-It would have to be someone who wanted to experience it as much as I did.

“That’s a pretty tall order,” my friend blurted.

As we were leaving the diner, she handed me 50 cent’s.

“What’s this for?”

“You might as well start saving for the pro-domme weekend now”.

“Smartass”

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