Problems With Acting Submissive

Hello from London! I’m terribly sleep deprived but found a little cafe with free wifi and it gave me a chance to show you this gem.

Medieval chastity devices???


Badman has an interesting post filled with some great comments on the issue of presenting myself as a submissive to women.

One woman left a comment: “I enjoy being dominant but find myself repulsed by a man who says he is submissive. “

Later she wrote “After speaking with Bad Man about your issues I’ve come to believe one thing: you’d be best served by paying for what you want.”

Ouch. That sucks eggs.

Troy’s comment was considerably more helpful: “Where I see axe go wrong sometimes is that he puts his submission first: objectifying his own sexual orientation in the same way he objectifies the women he hopes will dominate him. If he’d only focus his efforts on being axe, on showing all of axe’s dimension, not just the subby part.”

I’ve attempted this a few times over the past week. I’ve tried to change the way I present myself as just a normal guy who happens to be submissive. After exchanging emails with one woman on Collarme recently, she suggested I start looking for a submissive woman. Why Is that?

“Because you don’t seem submissive. Your tactics are quite aggressive and Dom-like. Maybe you’re not a sub. Maybe you’re just a bottom. I don’t know.”

Keep in mind, I was respectful to her. It’s not like I was demanding that she use me or anything.

“You will use me for your pleasure!! Force me to bow down before you!!!”

I was just being myself. Relaxed, calm, not begging.

I’m now wondering if I hadn’t shown my other dimensions things would have turned out differently with my conversation with her.

It seems some women require a guy to act more submissive and others are turned on by the ones who don’t. I’ll have to try and pay more attention in the future to see what type of guy a woman goes for.

Do I toss a coin to see if I should just be myself or if I should present myself in a more submissive manner?

What are the signs to look for when seeing what kind of guy a woman is looking for?

How can you tell if a woman is looking for someone who is more submissive compared to someone who’s looking for all of my dimensions up front?

It’s certainly something to think about.

It will be nice to get away from searching for a bit, put my mind at ease and hopefully I’ll come back from Europe with a new perspective on things.

I See London I See France…

Camera? check
Passport? check
Macbook? check
Leather Pants? check

One week from today I’ll be traveling overseas with my best friend.

The Euro-Kink-Tour-Sextravaganza will be under way!

Maybe I’m overselling it.

The plan is to land in London the morning of August 8th, take the chunnel to Paris the morning of August 11th and fly back home on the 15th.

I’ve been looking and looking for kink events in both London and Paris. It’s difficult to tell what clubs are the clubs to go to in Paris since I don’t speak the language but it seems the scene in both places is much more active.

We’ll be checking out the London Fetish Fair, possibly the Festival Of Sins and hopefully a few other events in London (recommendations please!). Coffee, Cake & Kink was rumored to have been closed down but it appears to still be open. I’ve found a few event calendars and I actually have to choose between events since there are a number of options. Now I know why people from Europe will look at the New York scene and say “This is it?”.

The goal is to go to some kink related event every night. Hopefully the exchange rate won’t screw me over so much that it prevents me from getting screwed.

Paris is the tough one. I’ve been told the best thing to do is to go to a few kink stores and just ask what clubs are the best to go to.

If you or anyone you know can offer a few good suggestions of places to go people to see for socializing in either London or Paris then feel free to comment or email me. (Email address is in the facebook profile on the right).

I’m sure I’ll be posting updates while on vacation.

Anyone know of some good places to go/see/do that aren’t covered in the usual travel guides? Sure getting torn to shreds by a woman with a French or English accent would be great but I’m more than happy with some good conversation as well.

Help Decode The Comment

Someone made a comment in my most recent post that has me perplexed. I’m not sure I know what she or he is saying here. I know what the words mean (even fancy words like “effacement”) but I’m not quite sure how to take it.

I’m not disagreeing with the comment. Just that I may not be smart enough to know what it means.

Any help?

Please note: I’m not asking for readers to come to my defense. I’m just interested in getting more details. I think the person was trying to leave some constructive advice. Not that it was meant as an insult. The comment was anonymous but that doesn’t mean anything less in my book.

“This is a sweet post, but I do find your complete effacement of self _very_ disturbing. There is a huge difference between being a sexually submissive man, and not owning the right to your own pleasure or presence in the world—and you often read like the latter.

Good luck with it however—Im sure it aint easy.

Is the person trying to say that I need to go out and just find what I need?

Feel free to comment as anonymous:) Go ahead. I promise I can take it!

TESFest Recap

I just walked in the door from TESFest.

A few highlights:

-I learned I can’t go to a CBT class for a number of reasons. I have no desire to see another guys junk, I’m a bit uncomfortable seeing others in pain and part of me starts to feel a bit jealous.

-At nights I would walk though the dungeon area for a few minutes to see if there were any women who looked like they wanted to play but everyone I was attracted to was busy tying someone up, getting tied up or standing with her boyfriend so I went to the bar for a beer. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

Tilda seems to get cooler every time I see her. Any woman who owns leather converse is a rock star in my book. I tend to “borrow” her confidence whenever I’m around her.

-My best friend bought her first bit of hemp rope from Jocasta. She found two boys to practice on and was beaming after every time she played. Her favorite class was presented by Boymeat and is now planning on getting into electro play.

-One woman (whom I’m always feeling shy around for some reason) suggested I buy a cock ring. I never would have done it but when an attractive woman suggests it and even takes you to the vending area to buy it, one can hardly resist. I was a bit embarrassed when she was talking to the venders about it but was also trying to cover up my obvious arousal.

-I managed to walk by another one of my good friends as she was beating some guy up in the dungeon. It looked so intense I was surprised everyone else didn’t just stop and watch. Normally I’m busy trying to make her laugh, now I’m starting to think I need to get her angry.

Lolita may have sensed my desperation because she went out of her way to talk me up to one very attractive woman. For a second I thought she may have actually been interested until I realized she had her submissive with her already. Still, it was nice feeling while it lasted. Lolita is the only person I know who could have pulled off being my “wingman” while wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Note to self: Find out how Lolita got her superpowers.

Calico pinched my butt as I walked by one morning! I thanked her for it of course and was tempted to keep walking by her every time I saw her.

-Rita Seagrave is awesome-tastic. I’ve never been to a presentation like hers before. Can we get an All-Rita cable channel?

Viviane suggested I take a class on seduction. I’ve never had bad advice from her so I took it. The presenter offered some good advice even though I felt like most of the stuff would work better for me if I were dominant. I did notice a few things I’m doing wrong and perhaps things I need to cover up about my personality. I’ll write more about that later.

-I’ve had a number of emails asking if I used any condoms over the weekend. I have them for sale if anyone wants to buy some unused condoms. They’re out of the box so I’ll offer a discount. I’d return them to the drugstore but I doubt they’d give me a refund, maybe store credit.


Reader Suggestion: Go Gay

I’m always thankful when I get helpful advice from someone. Most of the time the advice is helpful, other times:

“I’m a bisexual sub in Manhattan. The gay scene is a total 180 from the hetero scene. The clubs are filled with attractive men and there are always some very hot scenes. I don’t go to straight events anymore. “

“….I get the best of both worlds. Some Dommes will only date bi-guys so I do have an advantage there but mostly I date vanilla girls but I get my BDSM from the guys. Dude, you have got to go gay. Let me know and I can introduce you. They would eat you up”.

I did ask him if I could repost this and I’ll tell you what I told him.

I’m flattered for the offer and thankful that he took the time to give me advice. The thing is, I wish I could, but I just love vaginas too much.

Oh vaginas, why do you have to be so good?

This does give me an idea though, I could alway go to a gay BDSM club and just ask every guy I see if he has a sister.