BDSM As Stress Relief

I’ve had a very stressful past couple of weeks.   A combination of family emergencies, work stress, and a feeling of spreading myself too thin with all of my obligations.

Often I’ll be at work and I’ll feel a pull to escape.  I’ll just want to be in the comfort of the tiny space that is our world when Sade and I are alone.  Wether we’re cuddled up watching Stephen Fry on the BBC, laughing our asses off at who knows what or doing something frisky.

It’s in those more stressful moments where I’ll feel a desire for more than cuddle time. I’ll feel the need to be taken.   Sometimes that need is to be bent over and fucked by her, sometimes it’s to be beaten until I collapse.  To lose myself in my submission to her.

It’s not just in the intimacy and the agression of it all.  It’s also a need to not be stuck in my own head, juggling a million things at once.  When she takes me, everything else dissolves away.

A few weeks ago she could tell I was overwhelemd with everything.  It was just after midnight, I was taking a break from some of my freelance work to wash the dishes and she looked at me and told me to get into the bedroom.

She knew I needed a release and after a good round of spanking, whacking, flogging and other torments, she ordered me to cry.

The release was exactly what I needed even though I didn’t know it beforehand.

I needed to cry, to have a break from the work and feel the closness of us, to let everything but us fade away for even a moment.

It not only helped with the stress of the night but the stresses of the coming days.

I’m still not certain how that works, but it does.

In A Fog

I can barely remember everything she did. Probably because i’m still in a bit of a fog.

As I write this Sade and I are on our way back home, riding the subway early in the morning.


I remember how we had been taking to two of our good friends when she turned to me and said “Well, I think it’s time to string you up and beat you”.

I remember the ropes pulled above my head.

I remember the gag in my mouth prying my jaws apart,h the leather blindfold, how she would work over the skin of my my back until it felt like it was on fire then feeling a break in the beating she was giving me much to my relief only to have my skin met with her teeth clamping down on me.

Wait was that just an incredibly odd run on sentence?
Fuck it I’m still flying.

She bit down on me hard, I could feel her mouth vibrate when she moaned from the sensation. Just when my moans were about to turn into cries she let go and blew a gentle bit of air over the sensitive skin then clamped down on a different part of my back giving it the same treatment.

She flogged me for a while longer until she picked up another implement. I couldn’t tell what it was, since all of her toys were sitting behind me

“This is going to sting.”

And it did.
At some point she leaned in and whispered to me, asked me if I wanted more. I didn’t need to think it over very long.

At one point I felt her sucking and biting on my nipples while still feeling the sting of her flogger. What was happening? Did she invite someone else in our little play space? I panicked for a half a second until I felt a slap on my opposite side. It was her hand AND her mouth. Now that I’m no longer in the moment I’m amazed at her ability to multi-task.

I’d growl from the pain and she’d moan with approval. I’d bark and she’d purr.

My wrists strained against the rope, pulling me up to my toes when the pain got to the highest point.

As I write this now, I realize that there wasn’t a single part of me that wanted it to stop. Usually there’s this small 1% of me, the fight or flight part. Call it instiinct, self preservation or my monkey brain, but usually there’s that 1% that wants it to stop but not this time. Not even .000000001 % wanted it to stop.

It was wonderful.

Power Objects

I’ve heard the “oohs” and “aahs” when a dominant is drooling over a new toy or a kinky object that’s made it to their wish list. I’ve witnessed groups of women gather around as they show off their new toy while the others ask questions with big smiles on their faces and voice their jealousy. Their eyes glaze over and you know that whatever it is they’re thinking, it’s not nice.

The level that they geek out over a new toy is similar to the way I look and sound when I’m looking at a brand new Macbook Pro.   

Only when they do it, it’s sexy.

What’s running through the mind of a dominant when they’re holding a new toy or when they’re browsing a website for some new device? Are they thinking how the crop will make them feel or how it will make the lucky victim feel?

I’ve found that some activities put me into a deeper sub-space than others. Feeling something lock around my ankles and wrists or feeling rope circle around my skin doesn’t make me feel more submissive to the person but it does put me in a deeper headspace. A thwack from one crop may make me feel toyed with while another crop from the same person can make me feel like a piece of meat.

But I’m wondering if the reverse is true to the dominant.

Does locking someone up make a dominant feel more powerful? Does holding a leash connected to a collar bring a feeling of power and control as well?

Do some items do it more than others?

I’m Beat

I just came back from the gym. My first in a very long time.

Holy balls I’m aching all over.

I’ve been working out from home for a few months now but it just hasn’t been doing the trick. I’m sure it’s helped some but not nearly as well, nor as fast as I wanted it to. After my best friend bought me a gym membership for my 34th birthday last week, I was all out of excuses not to go.

I wish I could cross the wires in my head so the pain from working out at the gym was equally as pleasurable as the pain brought on by a sadist. I noticed a hint of an endorphin rush but it’s not quiet the same. Maybe it’s because I’m doing it to myself, it’s hard to imagine myself into even faux-subspace to try and connect the dots when there’s a big smelly guy named Bruno ten feet away.

What’s my motivation for working out? I’d say it’s because I want to look good naked, or more importantly, I’d like someone to want to see me naked. I’ve always been skinnier than the average guy.

A few tips I’ve learned from my first experience at the gym:

-Don’t listen to a podcast that will make you laugh and drop the weights.

-Don’t use any machine that will face the leg press machine, if an attractive woman starts using it you’ll find yourself working harder to not get turned on than you will on your actual workout.

-Try not to laugh at the guy who’s whispering “oh yeah baby” while doing squats.

-Try not to drool while imagining a woman whispering “oh yeah baby” while doing squats.

-If a guy approaches you to give you tips on how to use a machine, don’t say “oh, I’m just fucking around” when there’s a mother and her kid nearby.

-If someone starts to talk to you about “reps” and “sets”, just nod until you can go home and google what the hell those mean.

It’s too bad there’s not a kinky gym out there. The dominants could use weighted floggers! What would the subs do? I’m too worn out to think of anything clever.

With Friends Like These…I’m A Happy Guy

I have a friend who will occasionally ask me to be a practice bottom for her, usually with rope.

You know how there are people in the scene who are total nutjobs? They’re unstable, can’t hold a conversation, have no sense of humor and give the lifestyle a bad name?

Yeah, she’s the opposite of that.

The first time I met her was at a social gathering a friend was having. We hit it off pretty quickly. She enjoys providing service as well so while other people were talking about anal hooks and heavy bondage, we were talking about the best products to use while cleaning a tub (Soft Scrub by the way).

Later she told me she was exploring her interest in rope bondage and asked if I’d be interested in being a practice bottom for her.

Boy would I!!!

I’d come over to her apartment, we’d drink tea and she’d practice her skills. There were times when I’d think how funny it might be for an outsider to be watching. If there was a hidden camera you’d see an attractive woman tying up a guy while they discussed backup methodologies for her laptop (she owns a mac, so she’s extra cool).

I’ll occasionally be her practice dummy before she has a date. She’ll have something in mind for the lucky submissive woman and want to try it out on me first. I was flogged for what felt like more than an hour thanks to the fact that she had a date with a masochist the next day. It was intense and amazing. Occasionally I caught myself debating the merits of a sex change since she’s really not into guys.

Another time she had me tied up in a position she was planning for her next play date. My legs were up in the air and I was on my back. She very casually asked if It was easy for me to spread my legs or not. I laughed when I realized she was actually asking, “If you had a vagina, would I have easy access to it now?”

Something she’ll say from time to time reminds me of a song by Todd Rundgren.

Her: So when was the last time you played?

Me: The last time you tied me up.

Her:……We gotta get you a woman.

She’s one of those people who make it impossible not to smile around, she just has this vibe about her. She always seems to be doing things that makes me feel lazy, like I should be doing more with my free time. It wouldn’t surprise me if she called me up one day and said “Hey I might be late for tea tomorrow, I’m going to cure cancer by noon and climb Everest with a few heads of state to fix the whole Israeli-Palestinian thing.”

One of the complex aspects to playing with someone is how I’ll sometimes feel the urge to say “please just fuck me”, even though that wouldn’t happen. Since I know my friend isn’t into guys, that complex part isn’t there. It’s just comfortable. It’s nice. It’s lacking in that other tension.

I do sometimes wish I had a vagina though.