I’ve heard the “oohs” and “aahs” when a dominant is drooling over a new toy or a kinky object that’s made it to their wish list. I’ve witnessed groups of women gather around as they show off their new toy while the others ask questions with big smiles on their faces and voice their jealousy. Their eyes glaze over and you know that whatever it is they’re thinking, it’s not nice.
The level that they geek out over a new toy is similar to the way I look and sound when I’m looking at a brand new Macbook Pro.
Only when they do it, it’s sexy.
What’s running through the mind of a dominant when they’re holding a new toy or when they’re browsing a website for some new device? Are they thinking how the crop will make them feel or how it will make the lucky victim feel?
I’ve found that some activities put me into a deeper sub-space than others. Feeling something lock around my ankles and wrists or feeling rope circle around my skin doesn’t make me feel more submissive to the person but it does put me in a deeper headspace. A thwack from one crop may make me feel toyed with while another crop from the same person can make me feel like a piece of meat.
But I’m wondering if the reverse is true to the dominant.
Does locking someone up make a dominant feel more powerful? Does holding a leash connected to a collar bring a feeling of power and control as well?
Do some items do it more than others?
“Does locking someone up make a dominant feel more powerful? Does holding a leash connected to a collar bring a feeling of power and control as well?”
Actually, I don’t usually care about specific activities. For me, expressing my dominance isn’t about activities, it’s about the dynamic between myself and my submissive, and how they respond to me. Lately I have been feeling very fed up with what I consider to be “activity-based kink”, where it seems to me like everybody is wrapped up in this or that set of activities, and don’t seem that interested in what’s going on between themselves and their partners. But that’s a rant for another time. 🙂
What really moves me is how my partner responds to me. So, if something elicits a response which moves me, and which moves both of us, then I’ll be interested in getting that response again – possibly by doing that activity again with that person, and possibly by exploring what that response is, and what brought it out. Sometimes kvetch looks a certain way, and I know he’s just gone. What interests me is getting him there, and it isn’t always the same thing every time which does it.
On a forum recently, I was asked if I preferred this or that kind of sex. I answered that since I don’t have sex in a vacuum, my response to a question like that must integrally include whomever I am having the particular kind of sex with. I’m beginning to get the feeling that some people (and many men) feel more focused on the activity, and some people feel more focused on the individual with whom they are exploring the activity.
Gosh, I sure am feeling ranty today. Sorry Axe. 🙂
There are some objects that as soon as I *see* them, put me into a Toppy headspace, and give me wicked, wicked ideas.
There are others that are just like, “Oh, that’s cool!”
When I pick up one of the former objects, though, my eyes glaze over a little, according to Lucivar I get an evil, evil little smile, and it’s obvious that I’m running it through its paces in my head… how would it feel *here*, and what kind of pressure will it require *there*? What will it feel like to throw, and what kind of marks will it leave…
I do love toys.
Actually, I drool much more over a good computer than over most other objects. It’s because the computer is an extremely important tool, and it makes a huge difference in My life. All tools do this to Me, and a great whip gets the same response as a great kitchen knife, but the more I use the tool, the higher the drool effect.
Lubyanka basically described the gist of my thoughts perfectly, so I won’t reiterate her points. But do remember that kink gear is just gear, not magical. Whips, collars, chains, etc. can act as visible, tangible means of transitioning yourself, your sub, from everyday life and everyday interactions into Kinkyland, but they’re props. I don’t dress up in latex and corsets when I’m playing, but some people need to do that in order to slip into the right mood or head space. An actor doesn’t have to carry a gun or wear a hat to play a cop, but it can help. The important thing, as Lubyanka points out, is the people involved, their interaction and dynamic, not the things they wear or wield.
I agree it is about the submissive’s response more than about the actual object used to elicit that response.
However, there are certain items that hold a sentimental value that evoke emotions that translate into a feeling of power. But those item are exclusive to a particular submissive, the same feeling of power may not necessarily be evoked when using them generally.
For myself, I find that I have a certain routine before a session that puts me into a dominating headspace. If I go into a session after performing my routine I feel centered, mentally and emotionally prepared. If I go into a session without performing the routine I am still able to draw on my dominate energy but it just takes a bit longer to transition.
I have a thing for “specialized objects.” I really like the idea that something is made for a specific purpose, and no other thing can replace it. I don’t know why! It could mean that I’m ooohing over a leather face mask… or champagne flutes.
Do some items do it more than others? Oh yes. All gear is not created equal.
Bad gear is gear that doesn’t do what I want it to: blindfolds that don’t completely occlude the eyes, spreader bars that don’t really keep the legs fully apart, badly braided whips that don’t throw accurately. Great gear, conversely, opens up myriad possibilities for deeper, more intense play. It can do more than I would have thought…it inspires me. That’s the “geek out” moment, I think– when gear presents you with new possibilities that expand the horizons of your kink.
I remember a particular birthday present I got for my partner a few years ago – a somewhat uncommon kitchen tool called an egg topper. It looks like a pair of scissors with a metal ring at the end, and, when the arms are pressed together, little metal teeth spiral in from the ring. It’s used to break open the tops for enjoying soft boiled eggs in the shell.
I can still recall the look on his face when he opened the box and saw my gift. His eyes went wide with confusion, then recognition, a touch of fear and, finally, a mixture of embarrassment and thrill as he imagined the possibilities. I never intended to use it (the ring would be far too small for most men,) but it served as a focal point for my attentions, a totem that reminded him that I imagine him in dastardly predicaments while he is blissfully unaware. Of course, I could have simply called him up to say, “yesterday I was at the store and I imagined tying you down and then watching as I tortured your cock with sharp metal teeth, making you cry out in pain and submission,” but it was so much more delicious to say that all with just a secret glance across the dinner table, among friends who had no idea.
Sometimes it’s not the object itself, but the power with which you imbue that object that gives it it’s shuddering, panting, begging, wet-your-panties potency.
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