What’s The Difference Between Beating and Punishment?

I’ve been thinking about the difference between a beating and punishment.

I’ve been caned before, recently been on the receiving end of a rubber flogger, spanked and all that good stuff.

Then I hear stories from a fellow submissive here and there about being punished…with caning, spanking and perhaps a rubber flogger.

So what’s the difference? Is it all context

I’ve never been punished before. As a masochist, I wonder if it would even be considered punishment or if the simple fact that it is being done out of having disappointed would make it feel very very bad instead of very very good.

One friend said

“Play that comes from love, joy, acceptance, etc. feels TOTALLY different from the kind that comes from revenge, punishment, disappointment.

There is one thing that I know I’m not good at taking and that’s face slapping. Maybe it’s because it feels like it’s disapproval. I mean, I can take it physically, but emotionally it makes me break down. At least with the only person I’ve experienced it with.

I’ve often thought that, as a masochist I wouldn’t be able to be punished with pain. Maybe the emotional disapproval is all I need for it to feel like punishment.

Then again, I’ve heard of many submissive who will make mistakes on purpose just so they can get punished. It doesn’t sound very submissive to me, but who am I to judge.

I’ve heard of dominants who make a task impossible just so they can punish. If that’s true too, how do you know the difference between being punished because you really displeased or punished because you were set-up to fail?

I feel like I’m talking in circles.

“Who’s on first?”

“What’s on second?”

“You’re being punished, maybe because you displeased and maybe because I wanted you to displease me.”

I can’t imagine a woman actually needing a reason to beat a guy. Isn’t the fact that she want’s to beat him good enough of a reason to beat him?

The Problem With Femdom Porn

I really don’t enjoy most femdom porn. Yeah I know I’m not the first to bring this up.

Sure there’s a part of me that likes it to some degree, but it’s a low degree.

The reason? You can tell that most of them are designed to cater to the malesub fantasies and not for most dominant women.

It’s the same reason I can’t go to a Pro, she’s be doing it for me not for her.

They’re all the same too, seen one you’ve seen them all.

A stern model take a male sub and pretty much does everything to him that every male sub wants. Very rarely does it look like the woman is really really enjoying it.

Men In Pain is probably the biggest one out there.

You don’t even need to pay to become a member to know what the formula is.

A: Hot woman ties up boy

B: Hot woman spanks/whips/flogs boy

C:Hot woman “forces” boy to have sex with her and usually doesn’t even fake an orgasm

D:Hot woman uses a strap-on on boy.

E: Hot woman “forces” boy to orgasm.

They even end with they guy’s orgasm. It’s like they’re saying “ok now that he’s done so is the scene because that was the important part”.

Now I won’t lie, I’ve paid memberships to it before, I’m one of the bad guys. Just because it’s bad, it’s still the closest thing I can find.

Yes, I’ve jerked off to it (hey I didn’t say I was perfect), but even then there have been a few times where I just couldn’t suspend my disbelief enough. Maybe the “domme” was overacting, or maybe it just seemed like the guy clearly didn’t even care about pleasing her. I know a few dominant women who have paid for membership as well. Did they get off on it? Did they enjoy it even a little? I don’t know.

There are a few companies out there that make porn by women for women, maybe someday we’ll have femdom by Dommes for Dommes.

I’m not saying femdom porn should reflect reality, it shouldn’t, it’s porn, but it should at least try harder. Shouldn’t they?

Am I A Masochist?

A vanilla friend of mine recently said “Hey if you want to get beaten up by women, just walk into a lesbian bar dressed as Rush Limbaugh.”

I’ve been with a few people who thought they were sadists, but when it came time to play they would just barely tap and maybe tap once or twice then look at me saying “Can you take that? Is that enough? Is it too much for you?”

Yes, I’ve faked it once. But the other times I’ve usually just said “more please”. There’s sometimes a look of sadness and disbelief when they realize I can take more pain than most.

Ok…that sounded like bragging.

I will say this, there’s tons of pain I’m not sure I could take at all. I’ve never been whipped for example, nor have I experienced CBT or a heavy flogging or..wow lots of stuff.

Here’s the other thing. I may not actually be a masochist at all.

Some define a masochist as someone who can take a lot of pain, others say its someone who can have an orgasm from it.

I’ll say, from my limited experience with caning, that I’m more of the former. But then again, I’ve never been caned by someone I was really into.

One of the hottest experiences in my life was when I was out on a date with someone, we were making out and she dug her fingernails deep into my side (so deep I had marks in my side for months and months afterwards). I was in heaven. She whispered in my ear “I love that you’re a pain-slut”. It wad one of the sexiest things anyone has ever said to me. Sadly that was as far as it went with her.

I do know that, when it comes to caning, I can usually take a lot of pain. I friggin’ love it. I love taking it for that person, feeling their power and….ok I guess I am getting turned on by it.

I also love the emotional release. I’ve only had one really really good beating and I ended up crying because of it (and because while in deep subspace I thought heard the voice of the woman I was desperate for at the time).

I will tell you one form of torture I can’t handle: Musical theater.

I’ve come up with a few possible craigslist headlines that may attract a sadist:

-Please beat the shit out of me

Nah too graphic

-Please make me hurt

Nope…she could just stand me up and do the trick

-Want to work out your frustrations?

No, sounds like every Casual Encounters post

-Is that a whip and flogger in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Too cliche

-Beat me and you could win a free toaster!

Bingo that’s it! It appeals to every sadist and…who wouldn’t like a free toaster?

Serving Viviane

Viviane gave me the honor of serving her and her guests at her monthly tea party just over a week ago.

I agreed of course (she’s difficult to say no to), though I was a little nervous since I had never served more than two people at a time.

The week beforehand I emailed her countless times asking if there was anything I should do to prepare, what to expect, if there was anything I should pick up…any question I could come up with. Clearly I was overanalyzing the situation. It was due to a combination of nervousness and eagerness to please.

I never know what the vibe will be when I first meet someone for service. Will they want me to be formal or “at ease”?

It was clear that I would be more “at ease” and that suits me just fine. The hardest part was watching Viviane do so much work while I just stood there while she prepared. My knowledge in the kitchen really needs to be expanded.

I found myself asking “Please is there anything I can do before the guest arrive?” but she had it all under control.

Thankfully as the guests arrived I became busier. So many new faces and a few I had met briefly before.

Most of my tasks involved serving drinks, taking out trash, placing food out. All things I was new to in the realm of service.

There were a number of moments where I did have time to socialize and meet some amazing people:

Meeting Sinclair and watching this trick impressed me to no end.

My ability to work an oven was painfully apparent when Calico brought some Mac-n-cheese that needed to be heated up. I remember thinking to myself “Hello, yes I’m a service-oriented submissive that doesn’t know the first thing about how hot an oven should be to heat up food…I’m a total ass!!! How are you?”. Her Mac-n-cheese was gone within 4 minutes by the way.

Wendy has an addictive laugh.

Desire also has a way of making me feel impotent in the kitchen. We shared some great witty banter.

May and Eileen are the only Domme/sub couple I know, not only is seeing them a validation that it could someday happen to me, they’re also incredibly nice.

Ok I could name-drop like crazy (Viviane doesn’t like having someone name-drop her constantly so I’ll try to keep the Viviane name dropping to a minimum for Viviane.)but the important thing for me was how I felt afterwards. I thought I did a decent job despite my lack of knowledge in some areas, fell on my face in a few situations but nothing too bad. I met some amazing people who I’ve been reading for years and it was nice to put faces to the words. Also Viviane, despite my fumbling in the kitchen, made me feel appreciated and that’s part of the reason I enjoy doing it.

The quote of the night?

Viviane said as I was leaving: “Ohh and we didn’t get a chance to flog you”.

Damn….don’t I know it.