I’ve been thinking about the difference between a beating and punishment.
I’ve been caned before, recently been on the receiving end of a rubber flogger, spanked and all that good stuff.
Then I hear stories from a fellow submissive here and there about being punished…with caning, spanking and perhaps a rubber flogger.
So what’s the difference? Is it all context
I’ve never been punished before. As a masochist, I wonder if it would even be considered punishment or if the simple fact that it is being done out of having disappointed would make it feel very very bad instead of very very good.
One friend said
“Play that comes from love, joy, acceptance, etc. feels TOTALLY different from the kind that comes from revenge, punishment, disappointment.“
There is one thing that I know I’m not good at taking and that’s face slapping. Maybe it’s because it feels like it’s disapproval. I mean, I can take it physically, but emotionally it makes me break down. At least with the only person I’ve experienced it with.
I’ve often thought that, as a masochist I wouldn’t be able to be punished with pain. Maybe the emotional disapproval is all I need for it to feel like punishment.
Then again, I’ve heard of many submissive who will make mistakes on purpose just so they can get punished. It doesn’t sound very submissive to me, but who am I to judge.
I’ve heard of dominants who make a task impossible just so they can punish. If that’s true too, how do you know the difference between being punished because you really displeased or punished because you were set-up to fail?
I feel like I’m talking in circles.
“Who’s on first?”
“What’s on second?”
“You’re being punished, maybe because you displeased and maybe because I wanted you to displease me.”
I can’t imagine a woman actually needing a reason to beat a guy. Isn’t the fact that she want’s to beat him good enough of a reason to beat him?
It’s all in the context. Yes, a masochist likes to receive pain. A punishment is designed to change behavior though…so different emotions are invoked. For the few men I’ve had to punish, the knowledge that they had disappointed was what made it punishment. They’ve nearly gone to tears from that (and the lecture involved) alone. It was centered around a “negative” focus rather than the desire for him to receive pleasureable pain. I’ve also heard that designating one particular implement to be used strictly for punishment can have an impact as well. Pun intended.
I have to agree, it is all in context… On any normal day I love a good cropping, but when he tells me he’s disappointed and will crop me for it… his touch changes to me.. and it hurts more and makes me feel bad. I have also “deliberately disobeyed” just so I could get a spanking or a cropping. but somehow, he knows that’s what I’m doing and I think he finds this amusing and he punishes me on a softer level. lol
MsS. and Mina.
Thank you for your comments. I have little experience in this area and none when it comes to punishment, so yes…very curious.
Maybe because I’m such a good boy:)
Like Mina, I think ‘bratting’ in order to get punishment can be a fun part of play — but then, it isn’t really punishment in that case. More like him being amused at my efforts and giving in to them, and as you say, it’s not very submissive of me (and of course, I’m not particularly submissive in many ways)… it’s interesting to me, too, seeing where the line is, and seeing how close I can get to it before I’ve pushed too far. That part can be a little scary.
i don’t enjoy physical pain so i don’t have the same debate with punishment that a lot of people do. i do get off from being controlled so much as i feel when i’m being punished, but the physical sensations do not feel good at all. still, there’s a difference between when my owners are just teasing me, making me endure things for their amusement, and when i’m being punished. those two things feel completely different.
did you ever read gray lily? she has to hold a big heavy rock when she’s in trouble.
I would never set up Joscelin with a task that he couldn’t do just so I could punish him. That would be against the rules of our relationship, among other things. (We actually have an explicit rule: I can only punish him if I can say what he could have done differently. He doesn’t have to agree, though.)
Jos isn’t “bratty” to get punished. If he did deliberately disobey me to get punished (which he has felt tempted to do, but never done), he’d tell me about it and we’d talk. I would still punish him.
Punishment isn’t an excuse for beating, which I can do anytime. It’s a different thing. It’s something that is satisfying (on a weird level) for both of us, and fortunately his tasks in our relationship are difficult enough that he sometimes fails at them.
I have a strange relationship with punishment. My take is that the people who summit and/or bottom to me do so of their own free will and I shouldn’t have to force them into anything with the fear of punishment. For me to punish someone is something I might do to reaffirm a power dynamic and doesn’t always involve pain. It is also a favor to the person I’m punishing. Orgasm denial, humiliation, and writing assignments all make for good punishments. Then again even for someone who enjoys pain not all pain is pleasurable and the warm-up, attitude, duration, circumstances make all the difference.
I have a strange relationship with punishment. My take is that the people who summit and/or bottom to me do so of their own free will and I shouldn’t have to force them into anything with the fear of punishment. For me to punish someone is something I might do to reaffirm a power dynamic and doesn’t always involve pain. It is also a favor to the person I’m punishing.
Orgasm denial, humiliation, and writing assignments all make for good punishments. Then again even for someone who enjoys pain not all pain is pleasurable and the warm-up, attitude, duration, circumstances make all the difference.
I have enjoyed pain and I have been punished. Punishments were based on things that he knew I did not like. I love floggings so I was not flogged. I was padded with a hard wood paddle he knew I did not like one hundred times.
I love air and space and the outdoors. He closeted me knowing I would dislike the stuffy space.
I can be proud. I was made to crawl.
What makes it a punishment is knowing what won’t be fun. Knowing the personal details of that person. Getting an hour lecture first on what you did wrong and why you need to be punished. Intent.
Can’t do face slapping, if I had a safe word, I’d use it!