Thoughts

Problems With Acting Submissive

Hello from London! I’m terribly sleep deprived but found a little cafe with free wifi and it gave me a chance to show you this gem.

Medieval chastity devices???

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Badman has an interesting post filled with some great comments on the issue of presenting myself as a submissive to women.

One woman left a comment: “I enjoy being dominant but find myself repulsed by a man who says he is submissive. “

Later she wrote “After speaking with Bad Man about your issues I’ve come to believe one thing: you’d be best served by paying for what you want.”

Ouch. That sucks eggs.

Troy’s comment was considerably more helpful: “Where I see axe go wrong sometimes is that he puts his submission first: objectifying his own sexual orientation in the same way he objectifies the women he hopes will dominate him. If he’d only focus his efforts on being axe, on showing all of axe’s dimension, not just the subby part.”

I’ve attempted this a few times over the past week. I’ve tried to change the way I present myself as just a normal guy who happens to be submissive. After exchanging emails with one woman on Collarme recently, she suggested I start looking for a submissive woman. Why Is that?

“Because you don’t seem submissive. Your tactics are quite aggressive and Dom-like. Maybe you’re not a sub. Maybe you’re just a bottom. I don’t know.”

Keep in mind, I was respectful to her. It’s not like I was demanding that she use me or anything.

“You will use me for your pleasure!! Force me to bow down before you!!!”

I was just being myself. Relaxed, calm, not begging.

I’m now wondering if I hadn’t shown my other dimensions things would have turned out differently with my conversation with her.

It seems some women require a guy to act more submissive and others are turned on by the ones who don’t. I’ll have to try and pay more attention in the future to see what type of guy a woman goes for.

Do I toss a coin to see if I should just be myself or if I should present myself in a more submissive manner?

What are the signs to look for when seeing what kind of guy a woman is looking for?

How can you tell if a woman is looking for someone who is more submissive compared to someone who’s looking for all of my dimensions up front?

It’s certainly something to think about.

It will be nice to get away from searching for a bit, put my mind at ease and hopefully I’ll come back from Europe with a new perspective on things.

I See London I See France…

Camera? check
Passport? check
Macbook? check
Leather Pants? check

One week from today I’ll be traveling overseas with my best friend.

The Euro-Kink-Tour-Sextravaganza will be under way!

Maybe I’m overselling it.

The plan is to land in London the morning of August 8th, take the chunnel to Paris the morning of August 11th and fly back home on the 15th.

I’ve been looking and looking for kink events in both London and Paris. It’s difficult to tell what clubs are the clubs to go to in Paris since I don’t speak the language but it seems the scene in both places is much more active.

We’ll be checking out the London Fetish Fair, possibly the Festival Of Sins and hopefully a few other events in London (recommendations please!). Coffee, Cake & Kink was rumored to have been closed down but it appears to still be open. I’ve found a few event calendars and I actually have to choose between events since there are a number of options. Now I know why people from Europe will look at the New York scene and say “This is it?”.

The goal is to go to some kink related event every night. Hopefully the exchange rate won’t screw me over so much that it prevents me from getting screwed.

Paris is the tough one. I’ve been told the best thing to do is to go to a few kink stores and just ask what clubs are the best to go to.

If you or anyone you know can offer a few good suggestions of places to go people to see for socializing in either London or Paris then feel free to comment or email me. (Email address is in the facebook profile on the right).

I’m sure I’ll be posting updates while on vacation.

Anyone know of some good places to go/see/do that aren’t covered in the usual travel guides? Sure getting torn to shreds by a woman with a French or English accent would be great but I’m more than happy with some good conversation as well.

My Yoga Instructor Is A Dominant Woman

My yoga instructor is a dominant woman.

Well, at least I think she is. Ok, I just daydream she is.

No, not just because she’s attractive. It’s her tone, how she commands everyone taking her class. It’s confident without being overbearing.

It’s probably all in my head though. I’m associating and attractive commanding woman and the pain I sometimes fell in yoga with an attractive commanding woman and the pain I’d rather get.

Once, while I was in the downward dog position (note educational image) she came up behind me and place her hands on my hips to adjust me into the correct posture.

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It took everything ounce of self control to not get turned on.

I haven’t gone to yoga class in months however. Saving up for the Euro-trip and maybe a hint of laziness has prevented me from going.

Does she see me in those positions and have dirty thought of me? Does she imagine that the only way I’ll really understand how to do the positions correctly is if she’s standing behind me with a cane or by tying me into position so I’ll have some kinda muscle memory?

It’s a nice thought.

It makes yoga classes interesting.

Someone once suggested I try going to naked yoga. Naked yoga? That has nothing but trouble written all over it. Either there will be a bunch of guys there only going because they’d hope to see naked women doing yoga (as I’d be doing), or I’ll be surrounded with beautiful naked women doing yoga and I’ll get kicked out for getting turned on within the first five minutes.

Ok, within the first minute.

Ouch

An email I just got from someone on collarme. I actually had my hopes up with her for a while there:

“This is probably going to add to your jadedness but I am actually doing you a kindness by letting you go before your expectations set in. Metaphorically speaking, the fact is that I am looking for an orange while you are an apple – nothing wrong with being one but it is just not what I am searching for (please believe me when I say that there was absolutely no solecism on your part and I hope you won’t waste time and effort in secondguessing yourself to figure out if there was something that you could have done differently – I think on some level you probably agree with me). So let us part amicably and goodluck with your own search.

It’s far too late to tell me not to waste my time and effort.

They always want the orange.

Help Decode The Comment

Someone made a comment in my most recent post that has me perplexed. I’m not sure I know what she or he is saying here. I know what the words mean (even fancy words like “effacement”) but I’m not quite sure how to take it.

I’m not disagreeing with the comment. Just that I may not be smart enough to know what it means.

Any help?

Please note: I’m not asking for readers to come to my defense. I’m just interested in getting more details. I think the person was trying to leave some constructive advice. Not that it was meant as an insult. The comment was anonymous but that doesn’t mean anything less in my book.

“This is a sweet post, but I do find your complete effacement of self _very_ disturbing. There is a huge difference between being a sexually submissive man, and not owning the right to your own pleasure or presence in the world—and you often read like the latter.

Good luck with it however—Im sure it aint easy.

Is the person trying to say that I need to go out and just find what I need?

Feel free to comment as anonymous:) Go ahead. I promise I can take it!