Thoughts

The Party, Part 2: Tenderized

Continued from part one

I had just been tied up, scratched, beaten and drooled on. I was a very happy boy. I was standing around trying to keep a big silly grin from taking over my face.

Troy came up to me and said “Hey how’s it feel to finally play at a play party?”

I wanted to say “good” or “fine thank you” or something that sounded more cool but what came out was probably something that sounded like “awwwwwwweeeessssoooooooooommmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”.

That was when Troy mentioned that the party would be coming to an end soon and then added, “Lets whip you first”.

This was to be the second time Troy had whipped me at a play party. After the first time she mentioned how everyone stopped what they were doing just to watch. I can’t say that I blame them. People probably stop to watch Troy put butter on her toast.

She had me take my shirt off and face her A-frame mounted on the wall. My hands gripped the wood as she started to make rhythmic beats on my back.

This is where things get really foggy for me. When I’m experiencing this kind of pain, everything else goes away. The only thing that exists is me and the other person but there’s no time involved. There will be moments when it feels like it is lasting forever and others when it feels like it just started a nanosecond ago.

I only remember emotions. Sometimes I get angry. Not at the person doing the whipping, but at the pain. Sometimes I get angry that it’s not always there when I need it and sometimes it’s because it just fucking hurts. Maybe anger isn’t the right word. It’s just a release of emotion when I feel that kind of pain. I was a little embarrassed when I realized everyone was looking at us. (Ok maybe more Troy than I, but hey…I was the sidekick to this little show).

For me, bdsm is more about the person than the act (not that it’s not about the act as well..but…well you know what I’m getting at). Troy almost becomes the whip– she’s not using an implement as much as she’s making the whip an extension of herself. The whip isn’t whipping me, she is.

It was raw. It was hot, it was…yummy.

She’d build up the pain so I was on my tiptoes, moaning and conflicted. My natural instinct to move away from the whip was muted by the desire for more and to get closer. My back would arch when she’d repeatedly hit the same spot again and again. Even though I had half of my clothes on I still felt naked and raw.

I have no clue how long it lasted.

Afterwards, I gave Troy a big hug (dropping down to kiss her feet would have been a but much but it was my initial thought) and a few people came up to me and shook my hand.

Shook my hand?

One guy said “that was some show…good job”. I had no clue what to say to that other than “thanks, it’s…what I do”.

I think there’s some chemistry that comes across between Troy and I. I trust her and she knows how far she wants to push me and she knows that I’ll go that far.

Later I walked to the subway, the cool air coming up under my shirt. Rope marks still on my arms and possibly even on my face.

I sat on the subway feeling stronger, more confident, powerful even.

And very turned on.

It’s The Economy, Stupid

If you look at almost any book geared to femdom relationships they will all have a similar phrase somewhere at the beginning of the book:

“You probably bought this book because your husband or boyfriend has expressed interest in submitting to you”.

I’ve never seen a book for submissive men that says:

“You’re probably reading this book because your wife or girlfriend has expressed interest in dominating you”

It might be out there though.

If that book is out there, I hope it makes it to the Oprah book club soon.

There must be a reason why there are many websites and books dedicated to introducing girlfriends and wives to the subject of dominance and few (if any) dedicated to introducing a boyfriend/husband to the idea.

One could argue that a dominant woman wouldn’t need to introduce her guy to it because she would have naturally picked a submissive male for a partner.

Others might say that there are simply more men interested in submitting than there are women interested in dominating.

Yet another friend claims that “women just aren’t as into fucking as much as guys”. She pointed to the number of women charging for sex compared to guys as an example.

Interestingly enough, a different friend suggested I look into becoming a professional submissive. Claiming that some women might hire someone of my talents and desires.

I still can’t imagine charging for something I can’t give away for free.

Euro Trip: A Photo Review

While it wasn’t the Euro-Kink-Tour-Sextravaganza. It was more like the Euro-non-kink-tour-hopetojerkofflaterinthehotelroom.

I did have a blast with my best friend however.

Here’s a photo tour:

Coffee on the tube.

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London Beer.
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London Legs
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French Herbie
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Via Eiffel.
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French beer.
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On the way back from Paris.
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The Party Part 1: Bent In Half And Shredded.

I don’t write about my play experiences often for a number of reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that I know I’d never do it justice. It’s been suggested that I write about some of my rare but wonderful experiences just to let you knot that it’s not a total wasteland of play for me. With that in mind, I’ve decided to write more often about it. I always make sure I send a draft to the person in question just so there aren’t any surprises and so they can correct anything that may have been all in my mind.

So, with that in mind:

I was at a private play party with a few friends a while back. Private parties are by far the best for me compared to going to clubs. It’s the difference between flying first class and taking the bus.

As the evening rolled along and people were pairing off to play with one another, I found myself having casual conversations and trying to build up the courage to ask someone to play.

It’s always such an awkward thing. How do you phrase it without sounding especially weird? So very very awkward. Every time I’ve asked if someone wanted to play it’s always code:

“Is there anything I can do for you”? (Translation = “Really, I mean it, please…anything?”)

I was just about to ask someone when she beat me to the punch.

“Want to do some rope bondage?”

I tried to act casual about it and not seem over-excited but I think I said “Yes please” before she even said “…do some bondage”.

I asked if there was anything I should take off and she asked that I take my jeans off. Just hearing those words out of her mouth made bite my lip and tried to keep myself from getting visibly hard through my boxer briefs.

She directed me to sit cross-legged and sitting with her legs over mine facing me and crafted a rope harness around my head with rope covering my eyes. While she was tying my ankles together I hoped she couldn’t tell how turned on I was. That hope was lost when she put her foot on my crotch and pushed me further away from the wall.

“Hell, NOW she knows”, I thought.

It’s possible she saw how serious I looked, I was trying to stay cool and not get too swept away. Her finger gently rubbed underneath my bottom lip, I started to grin and asked what she was doing.

“Just finding your smile”, she said.

Sigh. I could relax now.

She tied my wrist together then the rope harness pulled down to my ankles. I was folded in half with my head to my ankles. She stood up, put her hand on my head (a gesture that far too easily puts me into emotional submission) and I thought how good it felt to be tied by her.

I was glad she asked me to play and I assumed she would be untying me seconds later.

But she wasn’t finished yet.

She pulled my shirt up over my shoulders exposing my back. I felt her hands run over my skin then felt a sharp punch to my back followed by a few slaps. With every punch I fought the urge to thank her for the attention.

Her fingernails were next, carving into both of my shoulder blades back and forth, back and forth. Slapping, punching, clawing.

It’s all a blur in my head but I remember having tiny flashes of mini-thoughts go through my mind.

“Fuck this is heaven”
“Please don’t stop”
“I hope she knows I don’t mind being made to bleed”
“This is what winning the lottery feels like”

She slowed down by gently touching my back for a moment and then I felt a drop of her warm saliva run down my spine.

I think I whimpered.

She began to untie me and I was again trying to act calm and cool, I started to thank her when she put her fingers to her lips and gave me a “shhhhh”.

I almost whimpered again.

I was thrilled, giddy and trying not to smile from ear to ear. I knew I’d be smiling for days and I’d be walking to the subway with an extra spring in my step.

The evening had more in store for me however.

More pain and more smiles.

To be continued…

In Search Of Le Kink In Paris

This is the view from the hotel room.

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The view inside the hotel room is quite different.

I’m located next to Gare De L’est, I believe that’s french for “If you can see this, you can probably smell mildew”.

The A/C doesn’t work but there is free Wifi. I’ll take the wifi any day.

I’m on zero sleep for more than a day now, my best friend is out cold yet I’m tempted to go to the parts of town some new friends in London suggested I check out in search of BDSM in Paris.

One Londoner told me that Paris was not the best place to look for BDSM or anything more than fetish. One woman told me, “The dominant women there like to look like they can beat your ass and fuck you, they don’t actually want to beat your ass and fuck you”.

My best friend and I have gone to two kink events in the past three nights we’ve been in Europe. I can tell you that there’s a big separation between fashion and passion in London. (Fashion and pasison? Fuck I really am on zero sleep).

I’ll give a full recap of the fun had in London later (no sex or anything but made lots of new friends), right now I’m torn between taking a long nap that will probably result in my waking up 8 hours from now, or heading out to find the closest group of kinky people.

My limited experience (20 minutes) in Paris seem to disagree with the theory that Parisians are rude. I’ve actually met some very nice people who have been more than happy to give me advice and a smile.

Thanks to my Iphone’s GPS, navigating is much easier than it would have been otherwise.

Though, google maps doesn’t come up with anything when I do a search for “woman with a whip, a love of oral worship and a desire to sexually abuse tall New York City boys”.

Fuck the nap, the search is on…..