desperation

Dominant Triggers

· March 27, 2008 · Thoughts · , , · 17 Comments

A while ago I wrote about some of my physical submissive triggers.

Of course these triggers don’t mean a thing if a woman doesn’t want to dominate me in the first place.

Debauchette recently wrote about someone she knows who brings out the dominance in women.

“Andrew had the tendancey to bring out the dominant side in women. He certainly brings out all of my own dominant impulses”.

I suppose this makes sense. There are qualities a woman can have that make me want to submit to her, make it impossible for me not to want to please her.

This begs (and I do mean begs) the question: What aspects of a guy make you want to tear into him?

I know a number of women who are attracted to very vanilla guys, the thought of corrupting them turns them on. Others like to dominate aggressive guys in order to put them in their place. Both of those examples are the opposite of who I am.

It would be nice if a potentially dominant woman had a road sign on her head so I could know how to navigate to bring that out of her.

“OK, if I take a right turn at being aloof and a left at being cocky you’ll want to fuck me until we pass out, BUT if I head south on shy avenue you’ll want to do that and fuck me with a strap-on after whipping me to tears.”

So what does it for you? What brings out your dominance?

Someone Shy? Coy? Eager To Please? An alpha male you want to put in his place?

How To Find New York’s Sexy Underbelly

· February 11, 2008 · Links, Thoughts · , , , · 6 Comments

Forgive me, there’s no point to this post, just thinking.

I read websites like Debauchette, Sexegesis, A Bad Man, Jefferson, Dominatrix Next Door, and countless others based in New York.

I wonder how it’s possible that I live in the same city they do.

Sex parties? Are you shitting me? Really? In the same time-zone as me?

Reading these blogs it seems that finding wild crazy sex just falls into the laps (literally) of some people in the city.

It’s not just the bloggers of course. I have a number of friends who would probably blog but they don’t have time to since they’re too busy having wild amazing sex.

Maybe the problem is that I’m trying too hard?

Many continue to try craigslist. I’ve gone to newyork.craigslist.org but maybe I need to try seriously.this.is.the.real.craigslist.that. everyone.has.success.with.newyork.craigslist.org

Nope. Nothing there.

It’s not jealousy really, it’s more “hey guys can I come too?”

Ok wait. I have been to one sex party.

That’s a story for later in the week though.

Service-oriented, Or Just Desperate?

· January 7, 2008 · Thoughts · , , · 12 Comments

Note: Just so you know, when I mention “service” I mean cleaning or doing chores for someone with aspects of D/s involved. Non-sexual (from my experience).

I had never considered it a question of if I enjoyed service or not. Of course I enjoy it. Even though I’ve only met one other submissive that really craves performing service.

But it was how the question was phrased that gave me doubts:

“Is service the easiest outlet for your submission?”

It’s the only outlet for my submission.

Cue the self-doubt:

What if that’s the only reason I enjoy service? What if it’s just because it’s the only way I can get a taste of what I need?

Over the past year, I’ve worn the phrase “service-oriented submissive” as a badge of honor. I’m more interested in pleasing than getting my own rocks off. That’s true sexually and also why I enjoy service. I enjoy service because I like the feeling of doing something for someone I respect and want to please.

That’s why I’m doing it, right?

What if I’m so desperate to get that feeling that I’ll take whatever I can get? It’s certainly easier to find someone to clean for than to find someone to beat the hell out of me or to let me worship them. It helps because sexual attraction isn’t necessary in service.

I’ve always said I’ve enjoyed service for service sake and I wasn’t one of those guys that want’s to clean for someone in the nude. What if that’s just because I’ve never met someone I was hot for who I could clean for?

What if I was really attracted to someone sexually as well and was performing service for them? Would I wish my service had more sexual tones to it?

Am I being more selfish than I thought? Am I the one who’s using them since it’s giving me that feeling I can’t get anywhere else?

I do know that I enjoy pleasing, making someone happy and making their life easier, but doesn’t everyone? Doesn’t everyone like making someone else feel better?

Maybe I’m not special at all and the only reason I enjoy service is because I’m so desperate to feel submissive that I’ll take what I can get.

What does service-oriented mean anyway?

I think if I ask one more question, I’ll be on the next train to crazy-town.

More Drunken Ramblings Of Too Much Honesty

· December 30, 2007 · Thoughts · , , , , · 10 Comments

I’m writing this on the subway going from a ‘nilla party to a lifestyle gathering. I’ve had a number of beers and I feel it would be better if I get this out of my system now so I don’t end up rambling about it among my lifestyle friends:

I had a late lunch with a new friend who asked me if starting this blog was just another way for me to meet a dominant woman or not. Itold her the truth.

If I were writing this blog to meet a Domme I would make it sound less desperate. I would go out of my way to sound smart, funny, confidentand charming. I know how my desperation kills any attraction someone may have for me. Thats why I always need to (try) put on an act when I’m aroundsomeone I’m attracted to. If I were honest about my thoughts and feelings I would come across as desperate because…well..I am.

If you knew someone that packed up and moved to a big strange city for the sole purpose of trying to find a Domme would you think of that as desperate? Maybe….ok probably.

Some move to New York to get their big break. I moved here to find someone to find me broken and put me back together.

Note: its lines like that that I’ll regret posting this in the morning.

I have heard plenty of stories from my dominant friends about how annoyed they get when some “old creep” approaches them at a party andis so desperate to be with them that they get weirded out.

I can’t say that I approve of the way they approach a dominant, but I can sure empathize. After all, that can easily be me in a few years(or months). Honestly I think that the biggest difference between me an those “old creeps” is that my fear of rejection prevents me fromsaying or doing anything that would make me come across as anything but a nice guy. Someday my desperation may very well overwhelm myfear of rejection and I’ll show just how desperate I am and I’ll be just another creep.

So, am I desperate?

Yes

I’m slowly learning to hide it better though and hopefully my over-eagerness will not come through. It’s still hard though.

When I meet someone I’m eager to play with I’ll send far too many emails or text messages, sometimes several a day…or hour. If I were smart I would just play the same game that get’s played in the vanilla world. If you appear as though you have options you increase your perceived value.

In the world of BDSM, openness and honesty are key…unless you want to actually play with someone then you better not tell them how you actually feel.

May wrote this post that gave me a lot to think about. Damn I wish I could put into practice even half of his words of wisdom. He’s the only submissive male I know of in a relationship. Does his wisdom and confidence happen to all sub-males when they find someone? I hope someday I’ll know the answer to that question.

I’ve learned to focus my search for a Domme in three ways.

1: To find the occasional play partner who I can please physically andhopefully explore the many things I have yet to try.

2: To find a Domme that enjoys service so that I may scratch my morespiritual submissive needs.

3: To find a Domme for something long term who will be able to replacenumbers 1 and 2.

Obviously #3 is my highest priority but hey I’m only human.

So I’ll end this rant with this:

Yes I’m desperate, yes I’m needy, yes I know these are qualities that are hurting me more than helping but I’m trying to learn how to cover them up.

Ok, this is my stop. Time to put on a happy and less jaded face.

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