Note: Just so you know, when I mention “service” I mean cleaning or doing chores for someone with aspects of D/s involved. Non-sexual (from my experience).
I had never considered it a question of if I enjoyed service or not. Of course I enjoy it. Even though I’ve only met one other submissive that really craves performing service.
But it was how the question was phrased that gave me doubts:
“Is service the easiest outlet for your submission?”
It’s the only outlet for my submission.
Cue the self-doubt:
What if that’s the only reason I enjoy service? What if it’s just because it’s the only way I can get a taste of what I need?
Over the past year, I’ve worn the phrase “service-oriented submissive” as a badge of honor. I’m more interested in pleasing than getting my own rocks off. That’s true sexually and also why I enjoy service. I enjoy service because I like the feeling of doing something for someone I respect and want to please.
That’s why I’m doing it, right?
What if I’m so desperate to get that feeling that I’ll take whatever I can get? It’s certainly easier to find someone to clean for than to find someone to beat the hell out of me or to let me worship them. It helps because sexual attraction isn’t necessary in service.
I’ve always said I’ve enjoyed service for service sake and I wasn’t one of those guys that want’s to clean for someone in the nude. What if that’s just because I’ve never met someone I was hot for who I could clean for?
What if I was really attracted to someone sexually as well and was performing service for them? Would I wish my service had more sexual tones to it?
Am I being more selfish than I thought? Am I the one who’s using them since it’s giving me that feeling I can’t get anywhere else?
I do know that I enjoy pleasing, making someone happy and making their life easier, but doesn’t everyone? Doesn’t everyone like making someone else feel better?
Maybe I’m not special at all and the only reason I enjoy service is because I’m so desperate to feel submissive that I’ll take what I can get.
What does service-oriented mean anyway?
I think if I ask one more question, I’ll be on the next train to crazy-town.