I’m writing this on the subway going from a ‘nilla party to a lifestyle gathering. I’ve had a number of beers and I feel it would be better if I get this out of my system now so I don’t end up rambling about it among my lifestyle friends:
I had a late lunch with a new friend who asked me if starting this blog was just another way for me to meet a dominant woman or not. Itold her the truth.
If I were writing this blog to meet a Domme I would make it sound less desperate. I would go out of my way to sound smart, funny, confidentand charming. I know how my desperation kills any attraction someone may have for me. Thats why I always need to (try) put on an act when I’m aroundsomeone I’m attracted to. If I were honest about my thoughts and feelings I would come across as desperate because…well..I am.
If you knew someone that packed up and moved to a big strange city for the sole purpose of trying to find a Domme would you think of that as desperate? Maybe….ok probably.
Some move to New York to get their big break. I moved here to find someone to find me broken and put me back together.
Note: its lines like that that I’ll regret posting this in the morning.
I have heard plenty of stories from my dominant friends about how annoyed they get when some “old creep” approaches them at a party andis so desperate to be with them that they get weirded out.
I can’t say that I approve of the way they approach a dominant, but I can sure empathize. After all, that can easily be me in a few years(or months). Honestly I think that the biggest difference between me an those “old creeps” is that my fear of rejection prevents me fromsaying or doing anything that would make me come across as anything but a nice guy. Someday my desperation may very well overwhelm myfear of rejection and I’ll show just how desperate I am and I’ll be just another creep.
So, am I desperate?
I’m slowly learning to hide it better though and hopefully my over-eagerness will not come through. It’s still hard though.
When I meet someone I’m eager to play with I’ll send far too many emails or text messages, sometimes several a day…or hour. If I were smart I would just play the same game that get’s played in the vanilla world. If you appear as though you have options you increase your perceived value.
In the world of BDSM, openness and honesty are key…unless you want to actually play with someone then you better not tell them how you actually feel.
May wrote this post that gave me a lot to think about. Damn I wish I could put into practice even half of his words of wisdom. He’s the only submissive male I know of in a relationship. Does his wisdom and confidence happen to all sub-males when they find someone? I hope someday I’ll know the answer to that question.
I’ve learned to focus my search for a Domme in three ways.
1: To find the occasional play partner who I can please physically andhopefully explore the many things I have yet to try.
2: To find a Domme that enjoys service so that I may scratch my morespiritual submissive needs.
3: To find a Domme for something long term who will be able to replacenumbers 1 and 2.
Obviously #3 is my highest priority but hey I’m only human.
So I’ll end this rant with this:
Yes I’m desperate, yes I’m needy, yes I know these are qualities that are hurting me more than helping but I’m trying to learn how to cover them up.
Ok, this is my stop. Time to put on a happy and less jaded face.
Honey, I would find it hilarious and touching if our relationship was responsible for May’s wisdom and confidence. In fact, May has changed very little since we found each other. I will happily take credit for him dressing better, but that is all.
As for your ability to carry out the guidelines he set forth, although our interactions face-to-face have been remarkably limited, I’d say you’re doing better than you might think you are.
Owch. Y’know, it occurs to me that I don’t read many other male submissive’s blogs, though I do like some. Frankly, they’re too inauthentic. I don’t think this kind of honesty is something I would ever even put on my own blog, but I hope you know that you’re not alone. Believe me, you’re not alone—and it’s not just me out there from whom you’re getting empathetic thoughts.
Almost all the other sub guys out there I’ve come across are either uninteresting thanks to their monotony or are too obsessed with either their fantasies or their efforts to come across as ever more submissive to be anything other than a clear facade.
Being a submissive guy is really, really tough. That’s a huge part of what my blog is about, though I’m obviously more bitter than desperate (and that’s not because I have a relationship).
For what it’s worth, I think this kind of honesty is a Good Thing. And, y’know, so is a spell checker. 😉
Eileen- Thanks! And feel free to give me any fashion advice as well:)
May- I guess if being a submissive guy were easy everyone would do it….and I don’t need anymore competition hehe.
Spellcheck? What is this thing you speak of?
Serves me right for writing it on the subway on my iphone.
moving halfway across the country to pursue your real self does not show desperation. i think that it shows strength and independence and courage.
Sure, if you’d like. Email me sometime and we’ll chat about it. Be warned in advance, I’m a seamstress, which makes me a geek about fashion. 🙂
Maybe I’m odd (ok, ‘maybe’ is just me being hopeful) but I find your posts charming, smart and funny. Although I don’t know you personally, I am learning from you and it is appreciated.
I’m relatively new to your blog, and am enjoying it very much. I second Stephanie’s “charming” remark.
But I want to ask about this: “Some move to New York to get their big break. I moved here to find someone to find me broken and put me back together.”
How–in what way–is it exactly that you think you are broken? Or were you just being poetic?
I’ll go with “charming” as well…raise it with a “smart” and “funny”, too.
I’ll agree with you that blatant over-eagerness can put people off, but you know, directness and honesty have a lot of appeal, to people with good character at least.
Don’t know where the lady you seek might be found…but she damn well should appreciate you when you both finally meet. : )
Persephone- Thanks! I suppose it’s all a matter of how you look at it.
Eileen- As soon as I get the guts…you’re on!
Stephanie and E- I’m blushing
DommeAmelia- It’s probably a combination of the beer at the time I wrote it, the ache I was feeling at the time to be owned and…maybe a little poetic.
I think most people who need to have someone in their lives may feel incomplete or perhaps a bit broken.
I just found your blog recently–thanks to Bitchy! As Stephanie and DommeAmelia said, I find your posts sincere and charming. I can only imagine what it’s like to be a submissive man. It’s not that easy to be a dominant (or switch) woman either, especially if one gets so trapped in roles that one can’t establish clear communication. It’s too bad you live in NYC and not in Boston.