Well here’s some good news.

I’ve been spending more time with…hmmm what do I call her? It’ll come to me.

She really seems to enjoy exploring her dominance, it’s always been a part of her but she hasn’t been able to openly control and manipulate someone before. She does admit that she’s not as driven to explore her dominance as much as I am driven by my desire to submit.

We’ve talked at great lengths about D/s, the scene and what we’re looking for. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for right now and I can understand that. We both know that, no matter what, we both want to remain friends.

She has decided she wants to “own my cock”. It’s hers right now. I must always text her if I want to cum while I’m alone and of course she has full use of it whenever she wants. The rest of me, well, it’s still mine.

It feels amazing to have someone want control over even part of me. It’s also made me realize how..umm…active I am in that area.

I know she’s still dating other people. We haven’t defined if we’re dating, hanging out, really good friends with benefits or what it is but when we’re together it’s amazing and passionate and all that good stuff.

She often comments on how she’s not sure if this is right for her. I’m trying to not push the issue. While I see her as a natural dominant, I know it doesn’t matter what I think. Maybe I’m just a fun diversion for her, for now and that’s ok.

She’s amazing and I’m lucky.

Sometimes after worshiping her body she’ll say that I need to give my “gift” of oral to as many women as possible. I sometimes want to answer back “believe me I’m trying”.

So for now, I’m having fun. I’m still providing service to others but I’m not spending every waking minute thinking about how I can meet a Domme. That’s a big change for me. I’m trying to just live in the moment and enjoy the time we do spend together.

She does own one part of me for now, it feels amazingly erotic and I love the feeling of control.

It’s made me start to think why I enjoy that feeling of control so much. I mean, I know I’ve wanted it but haven’t experienced it in this way before. Why is that? Why does it turn me on so much to know she needs to give the OK first?

Still, even though it turns me on, I do feel nervous and scared. I don’t know why.