I had some great conversations with a few friends last night. One topic that came up was that of approaching dominant women at play parties and asking to play.
First of all, I rarely go to play parties. I really don’t know many people to go to play parties nor do I even know where to begin to find them. It’s not that I don’t have friends in the scene, I have tons of them, but few that go to play parties. If they do go it’s because they’re women and that’s why they were invited in the first place (and they usually bring their dominant friends with them).
The few I have gone to have been good for meeting new people and whatnot but I’ve never approached a woman to play, nor can I imagine myself doing so. My fear of rejection is way too high.
I know what you’re thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen? She could say no right?”
Right. Thus making my fear of rejection justified.
I remember standing around at one party when one Domme said “I wish there was a submissive guy here to play with”.
I was standing right there. She knew I was submissive. WTF! I said something along the lines of “gee I wonder where you could find a submissive man”. She knew I was eager and willing. Yet nothing happened.
My fear of rejection isn’t based on an illusion. It’s based on past experiences. I’ve never been “trained” in any way other than to expect the worst.
I’d rather hear nothing than hear “no”. It’s that simple. I can deal with nothing, I do it all the time. But gathering the courage to do it and then not have it pay off (as it has in the past) would just crush me.
I’m amazed to hear of the stories of almost endless casual play. It makes me wonder what universe I’m in.
It’s like reading penthouse forum:
I never thought your stories were true, but last week I was walking in the park when two women came up to me and the next thing I knew I was in the middle of a threesome.”
What? Huh? Where does this happen?
I read plenty of other blogs and can’t even begin to imagine how or where all this casual play is happening. I mean, I know its happening, but is there some sort of membership dues or ritual I need to pass like some fraternity?
Maybe someday my desperation will outweigh my fear of rejection, until then I’ll probably be standing next to you at the next play party talking about the weather.