***note*** I’m drunk as I write this. Damn oral fixation never stops and drinkinga beer is sometimes the only way to keep my mouth busy.
I am one lucky SOB
Most submissive guys will never find someone. It’s simple yet sad math. If (at best) there is one dominant woman for every 10 submissive males, then 9 guys will never, ever find what they are looking for.
I have spent countless nights trying to accept the fact that I will probably die alone and wondering if I would be better off calling one of those phone numbers I’ve been given by vanilla women while at a part or hanging out at a bar.
The one thing I can take to the grave is how incredibly lucky I am when it comes to my friendships. I have never been lucky in love (sex maybe but not love), but friendships have been my rock, the base, the foundation that I always know I can depend on.
There is a similarity between serving someone I feel submissive to and service for someone I adore as a friend, tonight I practically begged two newly-found friends to let me upgrade their computer. It’s a way for me to show my appretiation for how much I adore them and want to please them.
Most of my friends are women, a majority are whom I’ve met either through casual dating or casual play. One of my best friends recently asked “Am I your only friend you haven’t fucked?”. I don’t play with any of them now (why is it hard for so many people to play and be friends?) but our friendships take care of other needs.
They know I love them. I was walking down the street the other day with a vanilla friend who happens to know about my “Unspeakable acts” as she once called it (hence the name) and we would laughing our asses off about something. Afterwards we hugged, said our I-love-yous and went on separate subway lines. Ever time something like that happens I feel so full of love and happiness that I occasionally get misty eyed.
I’ve recently met even more people I have a feeling will grow into long term friendships. I’m insanely lucky in friendships.
Sure being a submissive male can be trying at times. Sure it might be another year until I get another really good beating (crap the last one I got was around a year ago). But imagine if I was still living back home in the mid-west. Not being able to tell others about myself, not being able to meet so many amazing people. Fuck I love this city. Geez I’m really buzzed from too many beers right now.
Maybe this is it. Maybe serving my friends is the only long term relationship I’m going to have. Maybe my collar will be one of friendship and nothing more. That’s not so bad.
I’m starting on a list of my New Years goals/resolutions.
The first on my list? Stop blogging while drunk.
Any others I should add to the list?
This assumes submissive men and dominant women are both 1) looking for perfectly reciprocal things and 2) will be happy with that regardless of the circumstance. I am not sure either of those things are true.
I would suggest, if you haven’t already, that you begin to explore a few other pleasure-positive communities in the city, of which there are many. Come check out a CV< meeting, or go to a Poly-NYC event a few times. As I just wrote on my blog, if something’s not working for you, try something new. (I know for a fact you follow the three guidelines I’ve outlined in my post, since I know you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from exploring alternatives in a generalized sense.)
don’t stop blogging when you’re drunk. you write sweet things when you’re drunk. that’s a good thing. i wish that you weren’t sad, and i hope that you find the key to your happiness very very soon.
I second persephone’s motion, don’t stop blogging while drunk. Other than forgetting how to count, what’s the worst that can happen :)?
May- Thanks! To be honest I’ve never been interested in the poly groups since I always thought that one needed to have at least one partner to start with, but after reading the site it seems to be much more “my thing” than I had imagined. Your blog post also put some extra wind in my sails.
Persephone and Stephanie- Deal! Care to buy me a beer sometime to help the cause?:)
Axe, definitely check out CV as well. Not that May and I are ridiculously biased or anything, but I do think you’d enjoy the atmosphere.
Ooooh I like the way you write. I think it’s grand you can spell and use proper puncutation while drunk too. Quite a talent. I look forward to reading you more…found you on Kruel Karess.
A chap like you must know where a visiting English lady should go to do a little shoe shopping in NY. Visiting NY next week for my first (yes, first) ever time and clueless. Any help much appreciated…