tagged

I’m TOO submissive

I have been a paying member on Nerve for almost two years. I’ve been on alt and collarme for….well for ages.

I joined Nerve because a Domme friend suggested it.

“You’ll probably find more non-pros on Nerve and more people open to relationships, women are fairly honest and open about what they’re looking for on Nerve.”

I had changed my profile a number of times. At first I merely hinted at being submissive, had tons of “winks” and emails but none from any that were actually dominant or even open to it. I sent countless emails, went on so many dates that it makes my head spin, but didn’t meet a single woman even open to being dominant.

Now my profile is much more blunt, I come right out and explain that I’m only interested in women who are at least curious about BDSM. Now I only get emails asking “what’s BDSM?” and the winks have gone down as well. Two years and not one Domme.

Until this week.

She emailed me asking how “a sweet boy from the midwest became interested in BDSM”. We emailed a few times and she almost demanded that we meet. We met the day after our first email.

I arrived at the bar and spotted her instantly and she smiled at me from across the room. She was even more beautiful than her profile photos.

We talked, she laughed almost the entire time. I was in my element. I was on! I was charming, funny and was hitting this one out of the park.

Then she said something that I had heard before, something that made my stomach hurt the second I heard it. I almost excused myself to use the bathroom because I could feel my eyes getting a little watery.

“I’ve never been with a truly submissive man before.”

She didn’t say it as though it was something she was interested in doing she just said it as a fact. I knew exactly what she meant when she said it.

She’s an Angelina Jolie type:

She’s an incredibly beautiful, powerful and devastatingly smart dominant woman. She can get ANY guy to submit to her. She’s never even heard of Collarme and has only gone to Alt for a good laugh, never to browse or look for a submissive man. She doesn’t need to go there.

She enjoys making a man do something he wouldn’t normally do, she loves the challenge. With me, there’s no challenge, she knows I’ll eagerly submit to her desires and because of that I’m no use to her. She made several comments about how there’s nothing hotter than making a man submit who normally wouldn’t.

There I was sitting across from every submissive man’s dream, she was the reason I moved to New York and yet I’d have a better chance with her if she didn’t know I was submissive. I’d have a better chance if she thought I didn’t want to do everything she enjoyed.

She asked all the normal questions the Angelina Jolie type will ask:

-You’ve been looking for almost all your life and you’ve never had a D/s relationship? Why? How’s that possible?

-I would think most women would want a boy like you. You’re attractive, smart, funny and want nothing more than to please a dominant woman.

-Have you tried CraigsList?

-Have you tried meeting a vanilla woman and then telling her after she’s fallen in love with you? If a woman loved you she’s give you whatever you want.

-Are you too picky?

We had fun and she want’s to be friends.

I have a few friends like her:

I’ll get to hear all of the dirty details about how she gets vanilla men to submit to her in ways they never thought they would. I’ll console her and give her advice when she’s having problems “training” her vanilla boyfriend. She will constantly be amazed when she hears my stories about trying to find a woman like her and she will try to console me even though she has no frame of reference. She will make the occasional joke about dominating me but never will. I will ache for her every time I see her.

Oh well, maybe she has a sister.

I’m taking my Nerve profile down once it expires next month.

Stood up

Today was not my best of days.

I had been emailing someone from Collarme for more than a month. We spoke on the phone, there seemed to be a conversational connection. She was attractive, smart, I could easily make her laugh and she was looking for more than just casual play but said at first the relationship would be purely service oriented along with some play and we’d see where it would go from there.

Service and play for an attractive, smart woman? I didn’t have to think too long on that one.

After waiting for a month, playing phone tag and text tag she finally agreed to meet me. She wanted to meet at a coffee shop near Penn station, told me to wear a black shirt and the tightest jeans I could find. Naturally I did.

We were to meet at 1 o’clock and she told me not to make any plans for the rest of the day (sounds promising). She told me to arrive early (I did not need to be told this) as she claimed to always be on time.

I arrived at 12:45, sat in a booth and nervously drank my tea.

1pm came and went and around 1:25 I checked her email again making sure I had the right time and place. Then I checked it again. I then checked to make sure there wasn’t another coffee shop nearby. Maybe I sat in the wrong coffee shop?

1:30- I sent her a text with no reply

1:45- I call her and get voicemail. The waiter asks me for the fifth time if I’m going to order something other than tea. He’s very annoyed.

1:55- I lie to myself and say that she’s not late, she was probably just in the midwest on business and still has her watch set to central time and will be here any minute.

2:05: I use my trusty Iphone to write a Craigslist ad looking for a Domme in the “relationship section” even though I’ve written countless ads like this and haven’t received a single email. Maybe I’m writing them too sincerely, sounding too romantic or perhaps not romantic enough. Maybe I should make more than one reference to BDSM.

2:15: I say “fuck it” and write a Craigslist ad in the “casual encounters” section, again knowing I won’t get a single reply but at least I’m doing something.

2:25: I leave and go home, when I check, her craigslist profile is gone and of course I’m not getting any response from texts or emails.

I wish I could finish this with some hot story on how she was waiting for me when I got home but I wouldn’t be writing this now if that had happened would I?

I wish I could say this was the first time it happened.

My Saturday night?

Well since I was told not to make any plans for the evening I’m sitting here eating thanksgiving leftovers.

Tomorrow I’m meeting a few vanilla friends for a belated thanksgiving dinner.

Vanilla friends.

Maybe some of that vanilla will rub off on me and I won’t have to put up with this any longer.

Well….a boy can dream can’t he?

Decoding A Dominant Personal Ad

I look everywhere I can, yes, even craigslist.

Here’s an ad I recently came upon. It’s a fairly common post for what Craigslist delivers:

Secret Mistress seeks a straight man, who is capable of deep internal slavery, to collar long term.

Woooo where have you been all my life!

Relationship will be a total power exchange, not just B&D. Private. No extremes.

Yesssssssssss I’ll start packing my things now so I can move in right after we meet.

Slave: Strong. Masculine. Powerful and Dominant with everyone but Mistress.

Hell that could be me. I don’t bow down to just anyone.

Overly financially secure. Highly Successful. Intelligent in the extreme. A Protector and Care Taker.

Fuuuuuuuuuuckkk

He will tremble before me: collared, restrained and defenseless.

Yeah he will, in his custom made suit just after he gets out of his limo.

Shit god-damnit.

He will kiss the whip before it lashes him.

..but first he’ll need to take the silver spoon out of his mouth to do it.

If you approach, explain what Total Power Exchange (TPE) means to you. If you don’t give a thoughtful and intelligent reply about TPE, there will be no response. I’ve heard it all. Make me want you.

…or just show her your credit score.

Shit fuck fuck shit.

Impress me.

Yeah yeah yeah…I’m so screwed.

Introducing Kink To A Vanilla Woman

It was our third date.

She and I had really enjoyed out time together, had many of the same interests, both liked to talk politics, shared the same sense of humor and were mutually attracted to one another.

We had fooled around a bit on our second date. I had felt a hint of dominance from her by the way she aggressively kissed.

Over dinner our conversation turned to sex (thank you Belgian beer) and I thought it might be a good time to bring up my interest in BDSM (no thanks to the Belgian beer).

Me: I must admit, I’m probably kinkier than the average guy

Her: Really? I’m probably kinkier than the average girl too.

Me: Well, it’s nice to meet someone who’s “normal” and yet not vanilla.

Her: Oh I’m NOT vanilla.

Me: Really?

Her: NOT vanilla.

Me: How long have you been into BDSM?

Her: What’s BDSM?

Me: Ummmmm Bondage Domination Sado Masochism

Her: (long pause) Ok maybe I am vanilla.

Me: Well, many people have misconceptions about BDSM. It’s not all about kinky sex.

Her: It’s not?

Me: Not at all. Well, it really depends on the person. I also enjoy serving a woman outside of the bedroom.

Her: Serving?

I went on to explain but I could tell it was over before it even began. It was difficult for her to understand why someone would enjoy pleasing someone just for the sake of pleasing. I think the idea of cleaning and cooking for someone freaked her out more than the ideas of chains and whips.

I’ve never had problems meeting vanilla women who were interested in dating me. It’s a matter of finding one who’s secretly (or openly) dominant that’s the hard part. Everyone I know admits that it’s probably not going to work.

After all, it’s much easier for a dominant guy to introduce BDSM to a vanilla woman than a submissive man to do the same. A Dom can just slowly work it into play. A light spank, maybe some hair puling. What can a sub do? In the throws of passion ask her to beat the crap out of him?

Maybe it’s a bad idea to bring it up within the first few dates but I have neither the time nor the money to spend on someone who’s at least not open to it.

Still, the last thing I want to do is invest time, money and emotions into a relationship that won’t go anywhere. I suppose the question is: What’s the earliest way someone can bring up BDSM without freaking the person out? What’s the best way to bring it up?
Then again, maybe giving up BDSM for someone I love would be the ultimate form of submission.