No Talking

She had sent me several text messages over the course of the day just to torment me:

“Too bad you can’t suck on my clit with a gag in your mouth”

“I adore you….you make me laugh, you make me cum, you please me. Part of me hates you because of it”

“I plan to use your cock until I’m sick of it.”

“After tonight I want to see you again soon. Shall I make an appointment with your cock now or does it need to check it’s schedule?”

“Your tongue is like queludes”

Then she sent her instructions:

“I want all of your toys laid out for me along with a fresh tea and a bottle of water. No talking unless I tell you to. If you make one peep I’m leaving”

As soon as she walked in she had a big smile on her face. A great big…greedy smile.

My mouth watered as my eyes took in her long, perfectly shaped legs.

“You are so fucked” she said to me with a wicked grin as she sat down on my chair and pointed to the floor next to her.

I sat down on the floor and she just sat there smiling, petting my head and occasionally rubbing her foot on my groin.

I was in heaven.

Super Fuck-Off Shield

The Super Fuck-Off Shield

That’s what one dominant woman I know calls it.

It’s the look she gives guys when she wants the creepy ones to stay away from her when she’s at a kink event. She admits that it probably keeps the non creepy ones away as well.

I have one friend who has perfected the Super Fuck-Off Shield so well that she can make a guy turn around as he’s approaching her with one look.

The strange thing is, I’ve seen women put up the shield and then later hear them complain that there aren’t any good submissive men to play with.

So how does one convey interest to play without projecting the creep factor?

A dominant friend posed this question recently and she didn’t know the answer. It’s one of those you-know-it-when-you-see-it kinda things.

When I first moved to New York I was horrible at approaching dominant women at kink events. I’d walk up to someone, introduce myself, offer to buy them a drink and when I brought it to them it was like I wasn’t even there. They’d take the drink and move on.

I was apparently creeping them out.

I never made the mistake of doing what some guys do and just walk up to a woman and ask if I can worship her feet or if she wanted to play with me. I knew that part was creepy.

After a few drink-and-disappear situations, I decided it was best to just not approach at all. After all, not approaching gives me the same result as approaching and I get to save my beer money if I don’t approach.

Economics wins again!

There have been times when I’ve stumbled into a conversation or two and I always wonder how to broach the subject of playing but never did.

I thing it would always come out sounding like this:

“Yeah I know, that sub-prime mortgage thing is messed up. So do you want to beat me or something?”


“Soooooo…yeah…..umm… is there anything you’d like to do…to me??? Or…on me?”


“Hmm you know what? I’ll bet you a dollar you can’t beat me until I’m a puddle on the floor. C’mon, put you money where your mouth is. I probably have 45 cents in my pocket right now that says you can’t.”

Either way I sound like a tool.

I know the trick to getting vanilla women. Vanilla women are easy, just act like you have options or that you could care less and that’s pretty much it. It makes me sound like a total ass I know. I only learned this after I gave up dating vanilla women and trying to introduce them to the joys of a submissive guy. As soon as I gave up and stopped caring, they started showing interest.

It doesn’t work that way with dominant women at kink events.

Probably because they have options and could care less.

I’m Submissive, Not A Doormat

I sometimes find myself needing to defend my masculinity.

Now and then I’ll come upon a situation where someone misunderstands my submission as something….hmm…less than manly.

I remember having drinks with someone, a guy friend..ok a guy acquaintance who had no idea that I was into BDSM. Somehow the subject of kinky women came up and how he once dated a woman who wanted to spank him and he thought she was a freak.

“Hell, if a woman wanted to do that to me, I’d let her” I grinned.

“What?” he shouted as though he was in disbelief that I was actually a guy.

“Sure I would, if she got off on that, why not? (I was downplaying how much I actually wanted it from a woman) I love it when a woman takes control”.

He started to go on, poking fun a bit that it was clear I was into that sort of thing. Not in a fun way but in a I’m-a-bigger-man-because-I-don’t-let-a-woman-take-control sort of way.

It may have been the beers, but I looked at him with a dead stare and said something along the lines of “I’ve done down on women you could only dream of giving you the time of day”. I should have added “you boring vanilla fuck”.

The conversation quickly changed. I don’t think we ever hung out again.

This idea that submissive men aren’t real men comes up from time to time.

As if I don’t initiate sex.

As if I can’t fuck, I can only be fucked.

There’s a group of married guys I hang out with from work. Good guys, I’d call them friends. Sometimes I am tempted to tell them all about myself but something always prevents me.

A little over a year ago I had a bite mark on my arm. They made a few comments while we were having beers. They made a few jokes about it. I wanted to shut them up so I raised my shirt to show them a few other marks. Their mouths dropped and I said something like:

“I slept with an amazingly aggressive woman last night, we both came until we passed out. Maybe next month when you can convince your wives to have sex with you, you’ll hope she does the same”.

Ok maybe it wasn’t that mean. Whatever I did say, they shut up about it and now I feel they’re living vicariously through me since I’m the single guy with all the female friends.

I can only tell you that I feel more masculine after submitting like that. It makes me feel stronger not weaker. I don’t know why it makes me feel stronger but it does. If anything it makes me feel weaker when it’s not there.

My Bite And My Tears

She and I were lying in bed.

I believe we somehow got on the subject of switching, I commented on how I had only done it a couple of times but only when I knew it’s what the other person wanted, I was doing it to please more than anything else and could never be sadistic.

“…never be sadistic”.

I think she took this as a challenge.

She moved her arm to my mouth and told me to bite her.

“I can’t”

“Do it”

“Please no”

“DO it”.

I took a nibble

“No, really bite it…HARD”

“I can’t”

“I’m going to leave my hand here until you do it. Now do it”

I did.

“No..c’mon REALLY do it”.

I really did it.

My teeth were sunk into her skin for only a few seconds but I know it hurt her.

The second my teeth came out of her arm I could feel tears welling up, it was hard to hurt her.

“Ok so you’re not a sadist” she laughed. She said she was happy that I did that for her. She was glad that I did it. She was glad that I did something that was uncomfortable and difficult.

Then she held me.

Now, because of my fear, I’m hurting her in another way, but she didn’t ask for it this time. It makes my eyes water again to know I’m doing it.

We’re “winding down now” to use her words.

She says the right time is just as important as the right person. I know she’s the right person, but it’s the wrong time.

I’ve shown her parts of myself that no one else has seen. It made me feel more comfortable and more scared.

The bigger the prize, the more I have to lose. I’m working on that.

Right now, if I gave her more and it didn’t work out, there wouldn’t be anything left.

She knows all of this, she’s frustrated with me and so am I.

I’ll never, ever be able repay her for all that I’ve learned from her or will learn.

I can only hope that she stays in my life one way or another.

How It all Started For Me

I first noticed I was attracted to strong woman when I was very young. I saw an episode of Wonder Woman where she tied up a bad guy. I remember wishing I was the bad guy.

I was 6 or 7 years old.

A few months later I saw an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard (yeah yeah yeah..laugh away) where Daisy Duke tied someone up.


I didn’t know what sex was at the time and even though I found girls to be “gross”, I still felt drawn to the idea of a powerful woman putting me in bondage.

From that point on I would sneak away into the barn (yes I grew up on a farm) and would tie myself up. It wasn’t sexual, it was just something I liked doing, but I knew it was something I needed to keep to myself.

The thought of being controlled by women would manifest itself in other ways too. When playing cops and robbers in elementary school, I would always try to make sure I was a robber caught by one of the girl-cops on the other team. I loved it, and didn’t know why.

Many many years later I lost my virginity to two friends of mine. They were in college and I was in high-school. They weren’t dominant the same way I view it now, but they certainly took control over the situation.

Now that I think about it. That was my first and last three-way. I suppose it’s like they say in the movie Superbad. I peaked too early in life, I’m like Orson Wells.

Where was I? Oh yeah

So I was hooked hooked but being in the mid-west you really can’t expect to find too many women who like to control (it’s hard enough in NYC). When I found BDSM online I knew this was who I was.

I met a few dominant women online and it always required driving long distances. A few times I drove 12 hours only to drive right back an hour after meeting the person. Once I drove more than 24 straight hours to spend a weekend with a Domme. I slept more than I played.

Finally, just before turning 30, I said to hell with it and moved to New York.