The Problem With Femdom Porn

I really don’t enjoy most femdom porn. Yeah I know I’m not the first to bring this up.

Sure there’s a part of me that likes it to some degree, but it’s a low degree.

The reason? You can tell that most of them are designed to cater to the malesub fantasies and not for most dominant women.

It’s the same reason I can’t go to a Pro, she’s be doing it for me not for her.

They’re all the same too, seen one you’ve seen them all.

A stern model take a male sub and pretty much does everything to him that every male sub wants. Very rarely does it look like the woman is really really enjoying it.

Men In Pain is probably the biggest one out there.

You don’t even need to pay to become a member to know what the formula is.

A: Hot woman ties up boy

B: Hot woman spanks/whips/flogs boy

C:Hot woman “forces” boy to have sex with her and usually doesn’t even fake an orgasm

D:Hot woman uses a strap-on on boy.

E: Hot woman “forces” boy to orgasm.

They even end with they guy’s orgasm. It’s like they’re saying “ok now that he’s done so is the scene because that was the important part”.

Now I won’t lie, I’ve paid memberships to it before, I’m one of the bad guys. Just because it’s bad, it’s still the closest thing I can find.

Yes, I’ve jerked off to it (hey I didn’t say I was perfect), but even then there have been a few times where I just couldn’t suspend my disbelief enough. Maybe the “domme” was overacting, or maybe it just seemed like the guy clearly didn’t even care about pleasing her. I know a few dominant women who have paid for membership as well. Did they get off on it? Did they enjoy it even a little? I don’t know.

There are a few companies out there that make porn by women for women, maybe someday we’ll have femdom by Dommes for Dommes.

I’m not saying femdom porn should reflect reality, it shouldn’t, it’s porn, but it should at least try harder. Shouldn’t they?

Fighting The Dominatrix Stereotype

One of my best friends said something to me that made me even more frustrated with the stereotype of a dominant woman. We were talking about how she was coping with her relationship with her submissive coming to an end. She was understandably upset about it and was questioning herself and her desire to be in a D/s relationship. When acknowledged her disappointment and sadness she said “It’s not very Domme-like is it?”

I tried to explain to her that just because she’s dominant, doesn’t mean she won’t second guess or feel down like everyone else. She’s human after all. She an incredibly powerful, smart woman and an amazing Domme, but even superman has kryptonite.

This may be one reason why so many women don’t feel comfortable showing their dominant side. They believe that they need to fit into some mold of a Dominatrix, always confident, always sexual and always “acting” dominant.

Here are just a few reasons why some dominants have told me they sometimes feel less of a Domme.

1: She didn’t feel comfortable yelling at a man.

I’ve played with a decent number (yet still far too small) of dominant women and I can’t remember being yelled at once. The only time I’ve ever seen a Domme yell is in BDSM movies. A whisper is more powerful than a yell in my book.

2: She didn’t want to have to be the one who does all of the work when it comes to sex.

I’ll grant you that when it comes to some forms of play, the submissive does do less “work” (nice work if you can get it), but when it comes to actual sex, I find that I’m the one that is encouraged to be a human fucking machine, not her.

3: She didn’t like to cause a great deal of pain.

As someone who identifies as a masochist, I can say that, while I enjoy being ripped apart, beaten and left as a shivering puddle of flesh on the floor (ok that hasn’t happened yet but fingers crossed for someday) it’s 1/10000th of the possibilities out there. Just because she wasn’t a sadist doesn’t mean she wasn’t a good dominant.

4: She wanted a man for a boyfriend, not a doormat.

This comes down to the submissive and how their submission manifests itself, some may be prone to acting like a doormat. Mine gives me strength. I feel more powerful when I know I’ve pleased either through service or sexually. If I’ve made her cum a record number of times using only my mouth and sacrificed (sacrificed isn’t the best word, but I’m kinda sleepy as I write this) my own pleasure for hers, I feel taken, used and…more masculine. The same goes for the rare occasion I get a really heavy beating, I feel stronger knowing I could take it for her.

5: She just felt like cuddling.

I’m a cuddle whore…give me your best shot….please.

6. She felt uncomfortable humiliating a man.

I’m at a loss on this one. I’ve never been humiliated in the context of play (plenty of times when falling for some phony on collarme or alt however) and haven’t felt the need to explore it nor have I ever been with anyone who enjoyed it.

7: She had a hard day and needed a good cry.

Again, the idea that a dominant woman is impervious to feeling blue is insane. I’ve tried to talk friends through this feeling in the past and it’s a difficult one to combat since it battles some crazy caricature.

I still don’t have a good logical explanation for it. For me it’s obvious but I lack a good way to comfort someone in this situation.

How do you explain to a dominant that just because she may have been tricked by a submissive or had her heart broken by one, it doesn’t make her less of a good dominant?