Thoughts

So THATS Why Women Think I’m Disgusting

· March 7, 2008 · Thoughts · 12 Comments

A friend emailed me this post this week.

Great isn’t it? (sarcasm)

So ladies, here’s why you should not want dominate men.

“The problem with dudes who are into domination is that they almost always seem to be as fat and cowardly and emotionally-childlike and generally pathetic as they want you to treat them. And the problem with dominatrixes is that they all sound like they’re wayyyyy into video games”

Is that why women are grossed out by my desire to submit and to please? They think I want to be treated as though I’m pathetic?

I don’t get that. Why is that the stereotype?

Let’s get a few things out of the way, at least about me.

I’m 6’2″, 180lbs, yes I could go to the gym more but that’s because I could use more muscle, if anything I’m too skinny. Secondly, the last thing I want is to be treated as though I’m pathetic. I’m sure there are some guys that get off on that, but not this guy.

Emotionally childlike? I wouldn’t know how to gauge that in myself.

Cowardly? Depends on what you mean. Yeah, I have a tremendous fear of rejection and being abandoned. Is that cowardly? Possibly.

The last thing I want is to be treated as though I’m pathetic. Treated as a personal sex toy? Yes. Treated as a “worm”? No.

That last part about dominant women though, I don’t get it.

Then again, the last woman that beat me was humming the theme to Super Mario Bros.

My Bite And My Tears

· March 6, 2008 · Thoughts · · 5 Comments

She and I were lying in bed.

I believe we somehow got on the subject of switching, I commented on how I had only done it a couple of times but only when I knew it’s what the other person wanted, I was doing it to please more than anything else and could never be sadistic.

“…never be sadistic”.

I think she took this as a challenge.

She moved her arm to my mouth and told me to bite her.

“I can’t”

“Do it”

“Please no”

“DO it”.

I took a nibble

“No, really bite it…HARD”

“I can’t”

“I’m going to leave my hand here until you do it. Now do it”

I did.

“No..c’mon REALLY do it”.

I really did it.

My teeth were sunk into her skin for only a few seconds but I know it hurt her.

The second my teeth came out of her arm I could feel tears welling up, it was hard to hurt her.

“Ok so you’re not a sadist” she laughed. She said she was happy that I did that for her. She was glad that I did it. She was glad that I did something that was uncomfortable and difficult.

Then she held me.

Now, because of my fear, I’m hurting her in another way, but she didn’t ask for it this time. It makes my eyes water again to know I’m doing it.

We’re “winding down now” to use her words.

She says the right time is just as important as the right person. I know she’s the right person, but it’s the wrong time.

I’ve shown her parts of myself that no one else has seen. It made me feel more comfortable and more scared.

The bigger the prize, the more I have to lose. I’m working on that.

Right now, if I gave her more and it didn’t work out, there wouldn’t be anything left.

She knows all of this, she’s frustrated with me and so am I.

I’ll never, ever be able repay her for all that I’ve learned from her or will learn.

I can only hope that she stays in my life one way or another.

Sperm Donor

· March 4, 2008 · Thoughts · , , · 24 Comments

I’m still in a bit of a haze after I was asked a very important and heartfelt question this weekend.

One of my best friends asked me if I would be a sperm donor.

My first thought was flattery of course.

The next thought was “will it be the natural way?” (she and I haven’t ever crossed that line so I was curious..plus I’m a perv)

She laughed when I asked this and said “No, but if it helps I’ll spank you while you cum in the cup”.

One of the first questions I asked was…why me?

She had narrowed it down to a few people but I was on the top of the list. Her reasons?

“You have good genes, you’re healthy, you’re tall, you’re attractive. I figure if it’s a girl, she’ll be tall and beautiful, if it’s a boy he’ll be tall, attractive and have a good sized cock”.

More flattery.

“Plus, you’re a good person.” (Person shmerson, I was still surprised she thought I had a good sized cock, not to mention that it would be a factor in picking a possible biological father)

She made it clear that the physical characteristics were only a small part of if. It’s who I am that made her ask me.

I’m still amazed and flattered she would ask.

On one hand I really want to help my friend, not just because she’s a dominant woman, but because she’s my friend and I want her to be happy.

On the other hand, when a woman asks “Do you have any kids?”, how would I answer?

“Well, I don’t have any kids, but I did ejaculate in a cup once and a doctor did put it inside my friends vagina, and that did make a baby come out. But other than that…no….no kids.”

I don’t know what I’ll decided. She and I have a lot of things to discuss. I have a lot of things to consider.

It would be the ultimate form of service I suppose and it would make my friend extremely happy.

I keep going back and forth, my mind is still spinning on this one. I can think of a million reasons to do it and a million reasons not to. All of the reasons not to seem like selfish reasons.

I don’t like feeling selfish, yet it’s a common thread lately.

No Really, I Am Straight

· March 3, 2008 · Thoughts · 4 Comments

Bad Man brought up an interesting point that I’ve heard from others.

There aren’t many straight male dating/sex bloggers out there, and even fewer submissive straight male bloggers out there.

I started writing because I wanted to internalize how I felt about being a submissive, writing helps with that. Also I wanted to be able to get feedback and opinion from others who were interested in the subject.

If you try and find a sex/dating blog written by a straight guy it pales in comparison to those written by women, gay or bi-men. If you look for specifically straight submissive men, it’s even harder and most of those are males in relationships of one form or another.

So why are there so few straight male bloggers out there? Even fewer submissive ones?

I do have a few theories as to why there aren’t more blogs like mine:

-Time: Most submissive men are too busy spending hours on collarme.com or alt.com to have time to blog. I didn’t start writing until I got fed up with spending hours and hours (I’m not exaggerating, sometimes up to 7 hours in one night) every night composing thoughtful emails with no response. Or having a rare response but ending up with a bad experience. It wasn’t until I gave up on those sites that I had more time on my hands and decided to write. After all, I was used to spending time on they keyboard.

-It’s not exactly sexy: Writing about the desperation or the ache to be beaten isn’t something many guys would be willing to put out there. Most submissive men aren’t comfortable admitting their desires to their partners much less to the masses online. For many women…ok MOST women, a submissive male is a turnoff. Why would they admit to it?

There’s also a big difference (for me anyway) when I’m reading a blog written by a woman than a guy. I don’t know when the last time I got turned on while reading a guys blog. Yeah of course you enjoyed having sex, you’re a guy. Reading about how a woman got her rocks off…

Ok I’m back….sorry..I had to take care of….umm….something.

anyway, reading about how a woman loves sex and what makes her toes curl is hot. Reading how a guy likes sex is…well… obvious.

So the answer? Why are there more women, gay men and bi-men blogging?

I have no clue.

Do you?

Celebrity Dom/Sub

· March 3, 2008 · Thoughts · · 13 Comments

A friend and I like to play this silly game.

We choose celebrities and try to imagine if they’re Dom or Sub in their personal lives.

note: she sometimes insists that any attractive woman will be seen as dominant in my eyes. I disagree but…..maybe she’s right.

So…wanna play?

How’s this?

Natalie Portman and Ben Affleck.

natalieportman.jpgben-affleck-celebrity-photo.jpg

Now the game isn’t who would be Dom Or sub if they were together, I’m just including a guy because…well…..you know..for the ladies.

I say she’s dominant and he’s….well I’m not good with guessing guys but I think I should say sub.

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