Asking for something I’m curious about is pretty much impossible for me. Asking for something I already enjoy is equally difficult.
It comes down to a few things.
-It’s hard to not sound like a do-me sub if I were to ask for something.
-If a guy asks a woman then it’s creepy. If a woman asks a guy, then it’s hot.
-I genuinely don’t want a woman to do something just for my benefit, I’d much rather she do it because it’s what she wants.
-There’s no gentlemanly way to ask someone to fist you.
I’m using fisting as an example just because I recorded a podcast with someone who talked about it and then had another conversation with a friend yesterday and wondering how I’d experience that popped in my brain.
You can use any number of other things to replace fisting. CBT, sounds, mummification, strap-on play, teasing, or just a good old fashioned beating.
How do you ask someone to do something dirty to you like a gentleman? How do you do it without sounding like you’re just being greedy and not interested in only getting your desires met?
I mentioned this on Twitter and had a few interesting replies. I’ll take their names out since I didn’t get their permission to repost. (yeah..I’m a badass mofo)
“Terribly sorry, old bean, but could you be a chum and just give my prostate a little squeeze? There’s a love.”
“Pardon me, don’t mean to be a bother, but could I perhaps have a hand? In my ass, that is.”
“Do be a dear and shove your fist up my ass. It would be greatly appreciated if you could at your earliest convenience.”
“My darling, what lovely fingers you have there. If it pleases you, feel free to massage my prostate with them”
But it’s not just kinky sex. I remember having a conversation years ago with a vanilla woman I was sleeping with. She asked why I never asked her to go down on me.
Her: “Why don’t you ever ask me to suck your cock?”
Me: “Well, I figure you’d do it if you wanted to.”
Her:”But I think it’s hot to hear a guy ask me to suck his cock”
Me: “Will you please suck my cock?”
Her:”No, not now.”
There’s another side having desires.
While playing, I really don’t think about anything other than what’s happening. I get lost in the moment and forget what it was I wanted in the first place. Or maybe I get into some submissive headspace where what she desires becomes what I desire and what I was curious about doesn’t matter anymore. It’s like my sexual desires become whatever is happening, whatever she’s doing to me or having me do to her in the moment is exactly what I crave.
True, if I”m being teased or something, then I’ll really want to fuck or to go down on her, but I don’t crave any other kind of play.
Maybe that’s a good thing. I’m lucky that I’m never wishing for something else while someone is playing with me.
So is there a way to ask someone to play with you without sounding creepy? Or to ask for something specific without sounding like you’re a do-me sub?