Not As Desperate As I Once Was

It’s kinda lame when I think back at how desperate I used to be.

I used to spend hours every night browsing alt, craigslist, collarme. Hours and hours lost that I’ll never get back.

Here are a few things I used to do that I’ve stopped doing as of this past winter.

-I had an alert that would pop up on my desktop every time a dominant woman would post an ad on craigslist.

-I’d agree to meet any dominant woman, even if I knew she was only looking for money. I’d hope that I’d be good enough to make her reconsider.

-I’d post an ad almost every other day on craigslist and reply to every one I could find in NY and NJ. (I had to make a separate email account due to the massive number of spam emails I’d get).

-I’d log onto collarme every morning, lunch-break and night to see if any new dominant women had signed up for the service so I could be one of the first to email her.

-I would rent a car or take a train to travel hours just to meet someone for the first time (usually only to turn around and leave shortly after meeting them or being stood-up by them).

-I paid the big-bucks for a gold membership on alt with all the bells and whistle, knowing that there are some women who won’t even blink at a guy unless he’s paid for the expensive membership (one woman said “It’s how I can tell he’s serious”).

So now. Not so much. I know why I’m not so desperate too. I met someone who changed my perception entirely. She had never even heard of collarme. She hadn’t even searched for it because she didn’t need to. Any guy would submit to her.

I realized that there are more dominant women who never go on alt, collarme or craigslist. Sure, some do, but most don’t. Why spend hours on those websites when most aren’t even there?

Maybe I’ve just accepted the fact that there’s really not much one can do. Just try and relax, enjoy your time with your friends, make some new ones and hope for the best.

I still show my desperate side now and then but for the most part…it’s just me being really really eager.


Good for you! Desperation is not sexy. Confident people who are having fun – that’s sexy.

I don’t do alt, collarme or craigslist either. I find it a waste of time!

I agree, desperation is NOT sexy. If you do go on a site look at it as a chance to network a little, meet like minded (well somewhat) people, relax, have a little fun. Your blog probably does a lot more for you than any site membership.

Amen to that. Its much easier to find what you want when you aren’t actually looking.

Also, most of those sites suck. Though I still make half assed attempts on craigslist.

I never even knew such sites existed until recently, it didn’t prevent me meeting my sexy little man. Took a list at collar me once and found nothing to tempt me back.

Ah, yes. That’s like reaching “dating nirvana”; a certain sense of calm comes when one decides, what will be, will be. Let’s keep my eyes and ears open but that’s all. I think online dating can be a bit addictive, because of that blast of hope and encouragement even a vaguely interesting profile gives you. And it’s like there, in print, so it has to be true–I think part of us has to think this. But of course a lot of these profiles and ads are dead-ends. And the person we’re looking for could be across the car from us on the subway. So I’m glad you’re not feeling as desperate as you used to be. Try and keep that feeling. You own it. No one can take it away from you. Not even five bad dates in a row. 🙂

May I ask question: On the dating sites you were on, why did you send messages to dominant women who had only just signed up? Did you ever consider this from the other side, i.e. how this might come across to recipients?

Also, many congrats on the change.

Years ago a guy in law school came up to me at a TES meeting and was all polite because I seemed so successful and asked me what the secret of finding aand getting people to play with at TES.

I said its simple, wear clean under wear clean clothes say hello to people be polite introduce yourself and dont be a wallflower.

About a year later said gent was bent over a horse at paddles naked sweating bullets as a mutual friend reamed out his ass with a huge strap on. He waved me over grabbed my arm and said.

Him: Dov do you remember when i asked you how do I get people to play with me ?

Me: Yeah I remember.

Him: Well how the hell do I get them to stop!!!!!

Meeting people is the key and sadly all the online tools replace our ability to actually work on our internal mechanisms to talk and socialize.

You didn’t waste those hours. You learned. And now you know better.

And ‘eager’ is damned cute.

i am not surprised. good for you! p.s. my roommate is moving out in a couple of months!

I suppose it all depends on the circumstancess, Ive meet manny people in collarme, its about my favorite when it comes to finding new people. And it has defenetly thought me alot. I wonder if the diference is that im dominant and people tend to be more responsive i suppose, but theres always one or two who never make it to meet in person. though ive gained more out of the site then what ive lost, theres some patetic people who just coward up before meeting.

The thing is that im not so desperate looing… i look like 4 times a month when searing profiles of new people, unless im in the process of geting to know someone if im exchanging emails at the moment, then ill look every day at my inbox.

But collarme is not as bad as poeple make it seem in so many post ive read.

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