I have a friend who will occasionally ask me to be a practice bottom for her, usually with rope.
You know how there are people in the scene who are total nutjobs? They’re unstable, can’t hold a conversation, have no sense of humor and give the lifestyle a bad name?
Yeah, she’s the opposite of that.
The first time I met her was at a social gathering a friend was having. We hit it off pretty quickly. She enjoys providing service as well so while other people were talking about anal hooks and heavy bondage, we were talking about the best products to use while cleaning a tub (Soft Scrub by the way).
Later she told me she was exploring her interest in rope bondage and asked if I’d be interested in being a practice bottom for her.
Boy would I!!!
I’d come over to her apartment, we’d drink tea and she’d practice her skills. There were times when I’d think how funny it might be for an outsider to be watching. If there was a hidden camera you’d see an attractive woman tying up a guy while they discussed backup methodologies for her laptop (she owns a mac, so she’s extra cool).
I’ll occasionally be her practice dummy before she has a date. She’ll have something in mind for the lucky submissive woman and want to try it out on me first. I was flogged for what felt like more than an hour thanks to the fact that she had a date with a masochist the next day. It was intense and amazing. Occasionally I caught myself debating the merits of a sex change since she’s really not into guys.
Another time she had me tied up in a position she was planning for her next play date. My legs were up in the air and I was on my back. She very casually asked if It was easy for me to spread my legs or not. I laughed when I realized she was actually asking, “If you had a vagina, would I have easy access to it now?”
Something she’ll say from time to time reminds me of a song by Todd Rundgren.
Her: So when was the last time you played?
Me: The last time you tied me up.
Her:……We gotta get you a woman.
She’s one of those people who make it impossible not to smile around, she just has this vibe about her. She always seems to be doing things that makes me feel lazy, like I should be doing more with my free time. It wouldn’t surprise me if she called me up one day and said “Hey I might be late for tea tomorrow, I’m going to cure cancer by noon and climb Everest with a few heads of state to fix the whole Israeli-Palestinian thing.”
One of the complex aspects to playing with someone is how I’ll sometimes feel the urge to say “please just fuck me”, even though that wouldn’t happen. Since I know my friend isn’t into guys, that complex part isn’t there. It’s just comfortable. It’s nice. It’s lacking in that other tension.
I do sometimes wish I had a vagina though.
Awww, that’s very sweet! I have a gay friend who on occasion would give me the most amazing back scratches/rubs. And good lord. Just miracle hands. Sexually unavailable people who will do you the favor of these small pleasures (tying up is, you know, bigger than a back scratch but you get my drift) is just a really lovely thing.
This is a sweet post, but I do find your complete effacement of self _very_ disturbing. There is a huge difference between being a sexually submissive man, and not owning the right to your own pleasure or presence in the world—and you often read like the latter.
Good luck with it however—Im sure it aint easy.
I don’t really agree with the previous commenter, from reading your blog you seem to be fairly well-balanced and own your own desires.
Back to the post, it sounds like a great friendship, I’ve got a few people who I have a similar vibe with, and I recognise the torturous yearning, but in a lot of ways it’s good to be able to try things out without it leading anywhere.
I’m confused about the anonymous commenter; is he/she saying that there are submissive men and then there are men who by nature of their submission do no own their pleasure or presence? Isn’t one of the primary tenets of sexual submission about forgoing one’s personal pleasure at the direction or whim of their dominant? The definitions proposed by the commenter seem to be saying the same thing, but maybe it’s just me…
Anyway, I think it’s very cool that you have this relationship with your friend–playful, supportive and affords both of you the opportunity to grow and discover. You have every right to be happy with friends like you have!
anon needs a clue
youre perfect axe……just keep at it
and yea…….you need to write professionally
I can’t help but smile around her, too. and I can’t help but be giddy that this mitzvah occurred in the Dojo. Have a great time in London and Paris!