The Search


It’s sad when this happens, I found a blog written by a submissive and his last post was in 2006.

It says simply:

No more updates will be appearing for the forseeable future. This part of my life is over.

Many have done this, I know of a number of submissive men who just give up. I just learned that a friend of mine has given up and decided to date vanilla. His thought process is “It’s better to be vanilla than alone”.

I know I’ve been tempted and I have taken breaks.

Here’s how it happens every time I take a break:

-Cancel paid memberships to kink dating sites.

-Only attending events that friends are going to and only going to socialize.

-Start going on vanilla dates.

-Shit my pants over how easy it is to get vanilla dates.

-Clean pants.

-Become bored with vanilla dates and start confessing my kinky interests.

-Realize vanilla women aren’t comfortable with kinky guys.

-Stop going on vanilla dates.

The guy I know who recently went vanilla does like the woman he’s with, he’s attracted to her and they have great chemistry. The problem is that he doesn’t feel fulfilled.

Isn’t he being dishonest by not telling her?

I don’t think it’s fair to vanilla women unless the submissive is sure that his desire to submit wont make him look for it elsewhere and potentially ruin that relationship.

Is it dishonest not to tell someone a deep dark secret like being submissive just because you’re worried that she’ll leave you?

On the other hand, I know of a few submissive men who did give up looking for a dominant woman and went vanilla. If you ask them they say they love their wives but they do miss submitting.

Are they settling?

Giving up?

Or are they just compromising with reality?

Guess What? That Exotic Dancer Want’s Money

She was one of the few people I actually met from

I sent her an email months earlier. She confessed that she only replied out of boredom and that I looked better than most guys who replied to her ad.

I could have told you that it wouldn’t have worked out before we even met. It was one word that tipped it off to me: SUCCESSFUL

I do consider myself successful. Granted, my definition isn’t the same as women who write ads on

Why do I consider myself successful? Well, I have a job, lots of friends I love and they love me. What else is there right?

I know I know. I’m kinda lying to myself on this one.

Anyway, we met downtown at a restaurant she picked. Not an expensive place (the true litmus test for someone only looking for a guy with money) and not a place one would consider a woman would test to see if the guy flinched at the bill or not.

She asked what I did for a living, she was interested in my previous career and mentioned how she was an exotic dancer putting herself through college. I didn’t flinch and she seemed relieved that I had no problems with it.

We talked, she seemed nice. She confessed that she was looking to move in with a submissive man in the city (she lived in Jersey) and was visibly upset when she learned I lived in Harlem.

Obviously my idea of success wasn’t hers.

She thanked me for lunch, mentioned that she needed to go and hoped we would meet again soon.

Two days later I sent her a text asking if she wanted to meet for drinks and she sent back something along the lines of:

“You’re attractive, smart, sincere and eager to please. I want someone attractive, smart, sincere, eager to please and can take care of me financially.”

In hindsight, it’s one of the nicest ways has let me down.

The fact that she was an erotic dancer has nothing to do with the story really, I’ve seen the “successful” line from more women who weren’t exotic dancers than those who are.

Now that I think of it. Did I lead her on? Am I the one to blame here because I had a feeling she wanted a guy with money and still I replied to her ad?

How To Tell If That Domme You’re Emailing Is Really A Man

It’s happened to me oh…maybe ten or twenty times in the past.

It’s stopped happening since I stopped paying for my membership.

After sending countless emails and finally getting a reply back from a dominant woman, you spend weeks emailing only to find out that all that time was wasted on someone with balls.

I have balls. I don’t need more balls in my life.

Unless they’re connected to a harness maybe.


Where was I? Oh yeah.

Here are a few signs that the Domme you’ve been emailing might be a guy.

-Wants you to buy a webcam.

-Wants you to send photos of your naughty bits.

-Refuses to talk on the phone after many emails and it seems you really click.

-Asked if you’re into forced-bi within the first email.

-Want’s you to prove your submission by getting fucked by one of her male slaves before she’ll meet you.

-Has a beard.

-Sends you photos that look like they were scanned from a magazine, because they were scanned from a magazine.

There are more ways of course, I’ve been “tricked” a number of times. The “you must get fucked by my slave before meeting” is very common.

And sad.

This makes me wonder, would any dominant woman ever in the history of the world demand this of a potential submissive?

How To Find New York’s Sexy Underbelly

Forgive me, there’s no point to this post, just thinking.

I read websites like Debauchette, Sexegesis, A Bad Man, Jefferson, Dominatrix Next Door, and countless others based in New York.

I wonder how it’s possible that I live in the same city they do.

Sex parties? Are you shitting me? Really? In the same time-zone as me?

Reading these blogs it seems that finding wild crazy sex just falls into the laps (literally) of some people in the city.

It’s not just the bloggers of course. I have a number of friends who would probably blog but they don’t have time to since they’re too busy having wild amazing sex.

Maybe the problem is that I’m trying too hard?

Many continue to try craigslist. I’ve gone to but maybe I need to try

Nope. Nothing there.

It’s not jealousy really, it’s more “hey guys can I come too?”

Ok wait. I have been to one sex party.

That’s a story for later in the week though.

How It all Started For Me

I first noticed I was attracted to strong woman when I was very young. I saw an episode of Wonder Woman where she tied up a bad guy. I remember wishing I was the bad guy.

I was 6 or 7 years old.

A few months later I saw an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard (yeah yeah yeah..laugh away) where Daisy Duke tied someone up.


I didn’t know what sex was at the time and even though I found girls to be “gross”, I still felt drawn to the idea of a powerful woman putting me in bondage.

From that point on I would sneak away into the barn (yes I grew up on a farm) and would tie myself up. It wasn’t sexual, it was just something I liked doing, but I knew it was something I needed to keep to myself.

The thought of being controlled by women would manifest itself in other ways too. When playing cops and robbers in elementary school, I would always try to make sure I was a robber caught by one of the girl-cops on the other team. I loved it, and didn’t know why.

Many many years later I lost my virginity to two friends of mine. They were in college and I was in high-school. They weren’t dominant the same way I view it now, but they certainly took control over the situation.

Now that I think about it. That was my first and last three-way. I suppose it’s like they say in the movie Superbad. I peaked too early in life, I’m like Orson Wells.

Where was I? Oh yeah

So I was hooked hooked but being in the mid-west you really can’t expect to find too many women who like to control (it’s hard enough in NYC). When I found BDSM online I knew this was who I was.

I met a few dominant women online and it always required driving long distances. A few times I drove 12 hours only to drive right back an hour after meeting the person. Once I drove more than 24 straight hours to spend a weekend with a Domme. I slept more than I played.

Finally, just before turning 30, I said to hell with it and moved to New York.