Over the past month or so I’ve been giving a lot of massages. Even as I type this my hands still smell like lavender massage oil.
In every circumstance it’s been a massage where nothing was expected in return. In most of those situations, nothing was returned.
I kinda like it that way.
As with all forms of service, I don’t like the idea that I need to be rewarded for pleasing someone. Pleasing in itself is it’s own reward. It’s something I can usually do pretty well given the proper feedback from the person on the other end.
Most massages are strictly platonic. Sure there’s a hint of sexual tension what with the sexy noises (I swear I’m not the one doing it) and the skin on skin touching, but it’s still a way for me to please without being directly sexual.
Take tonight for example. I spent over an hour giving a long, deep tissue massage. While I did get turned on a few times, I was usually too focused on doing a good job to have my mind in the gutter. When it was time to go, we talked for a little while and I was on my way. I was smiling all the way home and yet didn’t have the reaction I was expecting. I was expecting to be turned on and frustrated but I was happier just knowing that she didn’t feel like she needed to repay me for a job well done.
It’s a new experience for me, having a form of service that has more sexual overtones. It’s not like I’m naked while doing it but bringing physical pleasure to someone without it being directly sexual.
A few weeks ago I was visiting a friend who complained about a sore back. I very casually offered and later she accepted. She knows I’m submissive and knows that I find her attractive. I was glad that she felt comfortable enough with me and trusted me enough. I wasn’t a total angel. I did get turned on now and then but for the most part I was more emotionally turned on by the fact that she was trusting me and letting me serve her in that way. Plus the fact that I could do something to make her feel better put me in an amazing mood.
I don’t want to make it sound like I’m some expert by any means. There’s a lot I need to learn. I’m decent at giving deep, hard massages but my knowledge on how to work out a knot without digging in deep could use a lot of work.
One day I’d like to take a class. Add it to my list of things I can do to pamper a woman.
Maybe one day my list of skills would be enough to turn myself into a one-man-spa.
I’ve gotta think of more so it sounds more appealing.
Maybe I’m changing. There was a day when I couldn’t give a massage to a woman without thinking of having my face buried between her legs 100% of the time.
Now it’s only 75%.