As time goes by I’m finding myself thinking those dreadful words that turn so many dominant women off:
“I just want to please you”.
Why are they dreadful? Because it sounds as though I don’t have a backbone. As though I’ll just take whatever I can get. Like I don’t have any needs.
Granted, I’m not thinking that if I meet someone at a party and she wants to tie me up or whip my back, that’s different. But if there’s a connection, I just want to please.
While there are still many many things on my pervy list of curiosities but I’m finding myself not caring as much about that list as long as the dominant is getting off.
Maybe it’s because my recent experiences have had a closer mental and emotional connection or maybe it’s just what happens when you’re with someone for more than just a few play-dates.
I find myself looking forward to the connection just as much as I’m looking forward to getting beaten or fucked or bound. Even those times when there’s little BDSM stuff involved.
I’m finding that giving myself to someone for whatever is on their kinky list, to be just as (or more) powerful than getting whatever I’m hoping for. When I give myself over to whatever she has in mind, it never feels like anything is missing. In the past I’d always hope for something specific and it was great when it happened but kinda “eh” when it didn’t.
Leading up to it I have lots and lots of dirty thoughts and hopes of what will happen. When the moment arrives however I’m a big blank slate. I want to say “just do whatever you want, I don’t care what, just do it.”
I’m also finding myself willing or even wanting to do things I normally wouldn’t just to please the other person. I find myself wanting to go further..deeper.
Just enjoying the moment.
“Right now, at this moment, I am yours. I just want to make you smile.”
I think it, but I don’t say it.
Because it makes me sound lame.