I’ve been asked by two different people recently about my fantasies or things I’ve always wanted to try. That’s such a hard one to answer.
It’s hard because it depends on when you ask me and it’s even harder because of the question it raises. What if one of the things I’ve always wanted to try would be something that the dominant wouldn’t ever want to do?
What if I’ve always wanted to go to an orgy and go down on mulitple women? What if that’s something she’d never want me to do yet it’s something I have on my “list of things to do before I die”?
Ok no “what if”. It is something I want to do before I die.
It’s not just a fantasy, or a desire, it’s a need.
I’m just using the oral orgy daydream as an example.
Here’s another. It’s the fantasy of a woman who has a female submissive and I do all sorts of sexual for her. You know, she sits and watches as she directs the action then eventually directs the female submissive and I to take care of her.
Well, yeah, for me. But what if it’s not for the person who’s asking me about my desire? If she’s turned off by the idea am I basically saying “ok, you’re not in that one then”?
Does it hurt to find out you’re not into some of the same things?
Personally I’m just happy with being a part of some of the sexual daydreams of someone I’m intimate with. But does it work the same way in reverse?
What starts out as a fun sexual exploration of wants and desires turns into something else.
Or does it?
Hot on both counts!
It’s arousing to have fantasies shared with a partner. If they are too different from one’s own, trust that there is plenty of attraction already active.
For my part, I don’t get disappointed. Nor do I play along falsely! I would likely admit that the described scene was not something I had thought about, myself, and would love to hear more.
Maybe in the details one’s partner could get across exactly why they want something this badly!
One of My submissive friends has as his biggest dream to be part of a BDSM family, and live in that kind of household. I would love to do that too. Only – he would hate to live in My household, I’d hate to live in his. It’s the way it is 🙂
But I still love to know about other people’s fantasies, as long as they don’t get in the way of what we do together. Too often I find that they are looking to Me for their fantasy, and, sorry, I am just a real woman, not their dream chick.
Fantasies irritate me because Ive never been “all talk”, but more of a “go and get it” type of woman.
If shes not into what it is that you need, then you just havent found the right woman yet….dont ever settle.
You’re babbling. This is not something to worry about until you get into the situation with the woman, and you’ve talked about it with her, and she says, “That’s not hot, and what’s more, I’d never even consider it, and what’s more, you’re a fuckwad.” Everyone has fantasies that his or her partner might not be interested in. Think of all the so-called vanilla people scared their partners might not be receptive to a little fuzzy handcuff action. What’s important about fantasies is that you share them and that your partner–top, bottom, or sideways–be willing to listen and find a way you can explore them in mutually satisfactory ways.
Or that’s my view of it.
NB: a woman who would say that you’re a fuckwad is not the right person for you, in case it wasn’t clear.
“If shes not into what it is that you need, then you just havent found the right woman yet….dont ever settle.”
What a very black-and-white view of things.
I think certain things are hard or impossible to change, like orientation. And fetishes or fantasies can be a problem if you’re into [insert fantasy or fetish here] and she’s not and never will be. But just because someone doesn’t share your fetish or fantasy, doesn’t mean they’re the wrong person for you. (Lord knows it’s hard enough as it is to find someone who is compatible with you looks-, smarts-, and values-wise) If no one “settled” for a less-than-ideal or imperfectly-matched partner, then hardly anyone would be together. It’s like waiting for your kinky Prince Charming to come along.
Like Sera suggests, sometimes there’s wiggle room if both partners act like grown-ups and are willing to talk it out and compromise if necessary.
I left my reaction to what I read, not to debate with someone that happens to have an opposing sentiment on the whole dilemma.
He most like;y read it and thought it extreme, but I also happen to be the pickiest fucker….
I simply wrote what I would do in the situation. Nothing more.
I like dressing men up as beautiful women and have them as my sissy…Ive met lots of men that said they just werent into it, so I kept getting to know more men until I found one that has an “anything goes” mentality.
If I settled on the guy that wouldnt oblige, it would have always been about him and that would have made me a sad panda.
I think everyone has fantasies that their partner doesn’t share. I don’t think it’s something to worry too much about as long as the overall sexual compatibility is there.
My opinion is this; never close your mind or your heart to say to someone you are intimate with, “I will never do that”.
It isn’t a compromise, it isn’t settling, it IS allowing another person to broaden your horizons, so to speak and in my opinion it isn’t about finding someone who is into exactly what I am into, but that is willing to be into what I am into if just enough to say, “I tried it, I tried it with you, but it isn’t my thing, let’s move on to something else”.
It is about finding that someone that says, “Yeah, I accept you want to go down on several women in an orgy situation and I want to give that to you enough that I will give it shot…who knows, I might like it too?!”
Personally, it isn’t about what the fantasy IS as much as that a) there was trust enough for it to be shared, b) that the person sharing trusted me enough to want me to be a part of the fantasy and c) it is just damn hot to “give” someone their fantasy because I AM into HIM/HER if not into their particular brand of fantasy.
Oh yeah, and I like it when you babble, your thoughts without a filter are interesting. 🙂
I remember a conversation with my wife, when she asked me, jealously, if I fantasized about other women. I told her I did, but only if she was involved as well. In fact, I was generally not involved in my fantasies – they all involved her (and other people.)
At first, I think she was flattered by that, but like Sera hinted at, she was slightly more alarmed when I shared the fantasies!
I don’t think being gang-banged and creampied by a well-hung basketball team exactly rates on HER list of fantasies, but the fact that I got so turned on telling her about wanting to see her sticky and sweaty and debauched and defiled by a gang of strangers made her very hot.
My fantasy did nothing for her. The fact that it made ME hot, however, made HER hot.