Why I Canceled On You

I read this post about a dominant woman who’s date flaked out on her. I’ll admit, I’ve canceled on women once or twice, but not due to a lack of interest.

It was because of my priorities.

One time in particular:

I had admired her long legs from afar for a very long time and after a few drinks we started talking. It was casual and relaxed. Somehow we got on the subject of sex and dating.

I could tell she was vanilla. I could just tell. Not vanilla in a bad way. Just vanilla, but her legs and body were too much for me to resist. My mouth was watering.

I pushed the conversation a bit further, after all, she was ‘nilla and in this situation, I was the more experienced of the two sexual players. I was confident because I had nothing to lose. Worst case scenario, I’d miss out on vanilla sex.

Missing out on vanilla sex is like missing out on a rerun of Seinfeld on TV. You know you’ll get another chance to see it very soon if you want to.

She had go run off with her friends but we exchanged phone numbers.

Two nights later I was on my way to her apartment. She wanted to call my bluff when I said I’d be happy to go down on a woman and not get anything in return..

I was early (I’m an eager beaver) and sat in a starbucks to relax for a bit.

One of my best friends sent me a text message. She needed my help. She needed emotional support and she needed it now.

I know if I had told her my situation she would have understood and met me later. In fact she probably would have encouraged me, but I couldn’t do that.

I told her I was on my way and not to worry.

I sent the woman with the legs a text apologizing and trying to explain the situation. I tried to contact her the next day but never heard from her again.

I still wonder what it would have been like if I did meet up with her. I know it wouldn’t have been more than a fling.

Friendships, good ones, last a lifetime.

I’m usually the go-to guy for a lot of people. I like being that guy. Most weeks are usually filled with helping friends with one thing or another.

This week is no different.

-Setting up a webpage for someone

-Helping someone buy a new computer

-Moving a couch from one apartment to another.

-Possibly setting up shelves for another friend.

-Troubleshoot why one friend can’t keep a wireless connection at her work.

I’m sure if my friend learned that I had passed up the opportunity for sex to console her she would have scolded me, told me I should have just sent her a text later. How do you do that? How do you deny a friend in need?

One person I know says I need to focus more on myself than others. She says I help my friends as a way to avoid focusing on myself.

Eh, who knows. I know this week is full. Maybe I’ll start focusing on myself next week.


ive offered to cancel but i dont think ive ever actually canceled, just been super late. if its a situation that is dire, i would drop everything. i have done that before. i guess my friends crisis’ and my dates have just never collided. but she was a bitch for not being understanding. to me, for a guy to give up having sex with me to help a friend in need, well, i think that shows character. i would just make you fuck me with twice the effort next time 😉

Balance. I admire that you were there for your friend as having those around us we can count on is so important in life. I agree with pitselah that it demonstrates character. But…you have needs too and perhaps a compromise would have been okay? Maybe your nerves were on edge, helping a friend puts you in a comfort zone, and not showing for Ms. Legs would have made it all easier. I suspect that most gals would be touched that you went to help your friend; and yes, next time more effort for sure!

Hmmm. Being a good friend is important. On the other hand, you don’t want to pass up on an opportunity to create a new good friendship. From how you described that particular encounter, it doesn’t sound like she was someone you wanted as a friend, so it’s a moot point. All about prioritizing, I guess. Don’t forget to prioritize yourself.

Lavender Scorpion April 23, 2008 at 8:48 pm

You meant eager for beaver right? 😉

I only see one problem with the scenario… the text. Perhaps a phone call would have made the difference.

You get what you give.