I sometimes find myself needing to defend my masculinity.

Now and then I’ll come upon a situation where someone misunderstands my submission as something….hmm…less than manly.

I remember having drinks with someone, a guy friend..ok a guy acquaintance who had no idea that I was into BDSM. Somehow the subject of kinky women came up and how he once dated a woman who wanted to spank him and he thought she was a freak.

“Hell, if a woman wanted to do that to me, I’d let her” I grinned.

“What?” he shouted as though he was in disbelief that I was actually a guy.

“Sure I would, if she got off on that, why not? (I was downplaying how much I actually wanted it from a woman) I love it when a woman takes control”.

He started to go on, poking fun a bit that it was clear I was into that sort of thing. Not in a fun way but in a I’m-a-bigger-man-because-I-don’t-let-a-woman-take-control sort of way.

It may have been the beers, but I looked at him with a dead stare and said something along the lines of “I’ve done down on women you could only dream of giving you the time of day”. I should have added “you boring vanilla fuck”.

The conversation quickly changed. I don’t think we ever hung out again.

This idea that submissive men aren’t real men comes up from time to time.

As if I don’t initiate sex.

As if I can’t fuck, I can only be fucked.

There’s a group of married guys I hang out with from work. Good guys, I’d call them friends. Sometimes I am tempted to tell them all about myself but something always prevents me.

A little over a year ago I had a bite mark on my arm. They made a few comments while we were having beers. They made a few jokes about it. I wanted to shut them up so I raised my shirt to show them a few other marks. Their mouths dropped and I said something like:

“I slept with an amazingly aggressive woman last night, we both came until we passed out. Maybe next month when you can convince your wives to have sex with you, you’ll hope she does the same”.

Ok maybe it wasn’t that mean. Whatever I did say, they shut up about it and now I feel they’re living vicariously through me since I’m the single guy with all the female friends.

I can only tell you that I feel more masculine after submitting like that. It makes me feel stronger not weaker. I don’t know why it makes me feel stronger but it does. If anything it makes me feel weaker when it’s not there.