Be Careful What You Wish For

She has mentioned a few things that she’s always wanted to do but hadn’t yet.

I told her I would do them (of course) and one in particular made me wince but at the same time eager to do it. Eager to be the first, eager to give her something nobody else had. I find myself desperate to make her fantasies come true. Even something that scares me.

Maybe a little bit of it is to prove my adoration, but most of it is to please her, to give her something she hasn’t had yet, to know that she can use me for whatever she wants.

Tonight, one of those things happened.

I was…ok bear with me because this sounds like something out of a porno but then again, so much of what she and I have done sounds like it comes out of a porno. A very high budget, well written porno.

I was in her kitchen, naked, doing the dishes and wearing a collar and a brand new ball-stretcher (2.5 inches). After I finished I asked if I could eat and she offered me some leftovers she had delivered.   

“Oh, wait”, she said with a wicked smile, “give me your cock-head”.

I knew what was coming, it was one of those things I had winced about. One of those things she had always wanted to do and now she was going to do it.

She reached among the leftover burger and fries and grabbed a jalapeno pepper, tore out a small chunk of it and slowly slid it inside my urethra so just a small piece was visible.

What happened next was a blur. A very painful blur.

At first I was hard, hard because it felt a little warm but mostly hard because I could see how much it turned her on.

It hurt like a son-of-a-bitch and she had a very big smile on her face.

“Do you want it out?”

“Yes!” I stammered

“Then you’ll have to cum it out”.

I had serious doubts if I would be able to or not but the next thing I knew, I was on my knees, jerking this burning piece of flesh between my legs

I was close, I could have came right then but at that moment her best friend came out of the bathroom, she had been dying her hair and came out to see what all the commotion was about.

“God I love coming over to your house!” she exclaimed as she saw me kneeling and jerking off in front of her smiling friend.

“Should I let him come?” my owner asked her best friend


“Fuck”, I thought. I was so close, I wanted so badly to come, more from the desire to expel that evil evil pepper, than to experience an orgasm.

I stopped and the pain began to increase even more. The burning became unbearable and I started to shake and whimper.

“My poor baby, do you want me to make it stop?” she asked.

“Yes…” deep breath, wince, whimper “please” and she ran off to grab some yogurt from the kitchen, I think she asked me where it was in the fridge but I was in no condition to answer.

Moments later she was rubbing yogurt into my urethra and I could feel it starting to cool but not enough. Her best friend returned with a bowl of milk and I was told to “dip your dick in the milk”.

I did.

I felt like Yosemite Sam dropping his ass into a barrel of water after Bugs had just lit him on fire.


It wasn’t over though.

She made me hold that position for ten minutes. My muscles aching as though I was in some convoluted yoga position. As I breathed heavily and moaned, she would kiss me and stroke my hair.

Oh and she took photos.


That was about an hour ago. She asked me to write about it and so here I am, naked, still a bit numb, laying on the floor next to her couch as she pets my back and occasionally steps on my balls and smiles at me.

Sometimes, when you get what you wish for, it’s better than you imagined.

ClubFEM New York: My Bum On Display

I was incredibly excited when I found out New York was finally getting its own chapter of ClubFEM.

ClubFEM (Females Enslaving Males) is one of the only organizations I know of that are dedicated to dominant women and submissive men.

From their website:

“ClubFEM NYC is a social organization composed of individuals who want to develop sincere Female dominant/male submissive relationships. The Dommes are in charge of the activities at all times. ClubFEM Dommes are considerate and caring Women who want the D/s experience to be enjoyable for all participants. ClubFEM members get to know each other very well and even get together for vanilla activities occasionally. The Dommes are friendly and helpful to other Dommes who wish to grow in their knowledge and abilities.”

For me, the environment is very comfortable. I feel at ease going to a ClubFEM event. All of the submissive males are treated with respect and the dominant women are all very approachable, friendly and…well…dominant.

I would say that ClubFEM is more like a lifestyle organization than a kinky organization. There is a difference.

Having gone to one of the ClubFem parties, I will say this. It’s the first time I’ve been really a bit embarrassed (or bare-assed) by the dress-code.

Submissive males are encouraged to wear one of these.


And one of these except in black.


It wasn’t so bad since some of the other submissive males were dressed the same, though it was a bit of a humbling experience. I guess that’s the point though isn’t it. I was there providing service and every time I got up off the floor to get my friend a drink or some food I could feel several eyes on me. I’ll admit, part of me enjoyed being on display while all of the women were fully dressed. A very new experience for me.

There was just something about being in a place where I knew every woman was dominant, or at least dominant while at the events. Submissive and switch women are welcome to come, though they aren’t allowed to be submissive to a man while there.

Yet another nice thing about CluFEM is that they don’t take advance of submissive men. They could easily make submissive men pay hundreds of dollars just to become a member, but they don’t. Sincerity is the most important thing of all.

Every guy I talked to seemed to view their submission the same as I do, I’m not just kinky, I’m submissive. It was clear that they didn’t show up just to try and get their rocks off.

There were a number of women who arrived with their own submissive males. It was nice to see people who were living the reality of a Female Dominant relationship.

I can’t say enough good things about it, I know I’ll be going to many future munches and parties, I’m sure this group will grow and grow.

I Love/Hate Pain

I love getting hurt…I hate seeing others getting hurt.

If I’m at a play party and someone is experiencing some really intense pain, I almost always need to look away.

Obviously I know that the “victim” is probably enjoying themselves, and I can see how it can be incredibly hot. I just have a difficult time seeing someone else in pain.

Maybe it’s 90% pacifism and 10% “I wish that were me”.

Even as a young boy, if my little brother was going to get punished for something, I’d try to take the blame for it. Seeing him getting the belt or a spanking was much harder for me than getting the same treatment myself.

I have the same reaction when someone else is being humiliated. I feel bad for them, want to make it stop and just want to protect them.

My ability to accept it and watch or not be bothered on it changes depending on my mood, the situation and who is on the receiving end at the time. If it’s someone I know, then I feel very protective of them and have to keep myself from saying something.

So is it pacifism? Empathy? Jealousy?

Is it rare that a masochist feels uncomfortable seeing others get the treatment he’s dying for?