Guy friend #1: Oh, c’mon. What’s more important, going to see some woman or staying here and getting drunk with your friends?
Me: I’m sure you’ll have fun without me.
I know they really want me to come along because I’m the only single guy in the group. They like to watch me talk to women, flirt with them and live vicariously through me.
Guy friend #2: Well just go over there, bang her, then join us afterwards.
I’m guessing they’d freak out if I told them that she was the one who banged me.
Me: I usually spend the night.
Guy friend #3: She better make you breakfast in the morning.
Me: Actually, usually make her breakfast.
Guy friend #1: She better give you a blowjob in exchange for breakfast.
I’m wondering how it is these guys are in relationships.
Me: Oh I’m sure she’ll have something fun in mind.
Guy Friend #2: You’re pussy whipped.
Me: Oh and if I back out on her to join you, would that make me dick whipped? I’ll take pussy whipped any day.
If they had any idea what would be happening when I saw her, they’d probably shit themselves.
Most of my vanilla female friends know about my “interests”. One in fact referred to my interest in kink as my “unspeakable acts”. Hence the name that I’m now regretting. I have no vanilla guy friends that I can feel comfortable enough with to tell them about myself. Some I’ve known for more than ten years and yet they have no clue.
Maybe that’s why I have more female friends than male. Sure some of my female friends are former friends-with-benefits but I’ve always been able to stay friends afterwards. I prefer the company of women over men in my platonic relationships as well. I’ve never known why.
Maybe because they’re more accepting.
Maybe because they look and smell better.