It’s The Economy, Stupid

If you look at almost any book geared to femdom relationships they will all have a similar phrase somewhere at the beginning of the book:

“You probably bought this book because your husband or boyfriend has expressed interest in submitting to you”.

I’ve never seen a book for submissive men that says:

“You’re probably reading this book because your wife or girlfriend has expressed interest in dominating you”

It might be out there though.

If that book is out there, I hope it makes it to the Oprah book club soon.

There must be a reason why there are many websites and books dedicated to introducing girlfriends and wives to the subject of dominance and few (if any) dedicated to introducing a boyfriend/husband to the idea.

One could argue that a dominant woman wouldn’t need to introduce her guy to it because she would have naturally picked a submissive male for a partner.

Others might say that there are simply more men interested in submitting than there are women interested in dominating.

Yet another friend claims that “women just aren’t as into fucking as much as guys”. She pointed to the number of women charging for sex compared to guys as an example.

Interestingly enough, a different friend suggested I look into becoming a professional submissive. Claiming that some women might hire someone of my talents and desires.

I still can’t imagine charging for something I can’t give away for free.

Euro Trip: A Photo Review

While it wasn’t the Euro-Kink-Tour-Sextravaganza. It was more like the Euro-non-kink-tour-hopetojerkofflaterinthehotelroom.

I did have a blast with my best friend however.

Here’s a photo tour:

Coffee on the tube.

P8081681.jpg

London Beer.
P8081750.jpg

London Legs
IMG_2096.jpg

French Herbie
IMG_2507.jpg

Via Eiffel.
P8142500.jpg

French beer.
IMG_3322.jpg

On the way back from Paris.
IMG_3380.jpg

The Party Part 1: Bent In Half And Shredded.

I don’t write about my play experiences often for a number of reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that I know I’d never do it justice. It’s been suggested that I write about some of my rare but wonderful experiences just to let you knot that it’s not a total wasteland of play for me. With that in mind, I’ve decided to write more often about it. I always make sure I send a draft to the person in question just so there aren’t any surprises and so they can correct anything that may have been all in my mind.

So, with that in mind:

I was at a private play party with a few friends a while back. Private parties are by far the best for me compared to going to clubs. It’s the difference between flying first class and taking the bus.

As the evening rolled along and people were pairing off to play with one another, I found myself having casual conversations and trying to build up the courage to ask someone to play.

It’s always such an awkward thing. How do you phrase it without sounding especially weird? So very very awkward. Every time I’ve asked if someone wanted to play it’s always code:

“Is there anything I can do for you”? (Translation = “Really, I mean it, please…anything?”)

I was just about to ask someone when she beat me to the punch.

“Want to do some rope bondage?”

I tried to act casual about it and not seem over-excited but I think I said “Yes please” before she even said “…do some bondage”.

I asked if there was anything I should take off and she asked that I take my jeans off. Just hearing those words out of her mouth made bite my lip and tried to keep myself from getting visibly hard through my boxer briefs.

She directed me to sit cross-legged and sitting with her legs over mine facing me and crafted a rope harness around my head with rope covering my eyes. While she was tying my ankles together I hoped she couldn’t tell how turned on I was. That hope was lost when she put her foot on my crotch and pushed me further away from the wall.

“Hell, NOW she knows”, I thought.

It’s possible she saw how serious I looked, I was trying to stay cool and not get too swept away. Her finger gently rubbed underneath my bottom lip, I started to grin and asked what she was doing.

“Just finding your smile”, she said.

Sigh. I could relax now.

She tied my wrist together then the rope harness pulled down to my ankles. I was folded in half with my head to my ankles. She stood up, put her hand on my head (a gesture that far too easily puts me into emotional submission) and I thought how good it felt to be tied by her.

I was glad she asked me to play and I assumed she would be untying me seconds later.

But she wasn’t finished yet.

She pulled my shirt up over my shoulders exposing my back. I felt her hands run over my skin then felt a sharp punch to my back followed by a few slaps. With every punch I fought the urge to thank her for the attention.

Her fingernails were next, carving into both of my shoulder blades back and forth, back and forth. Slapping, punching, clawing.

It’s all a blur in my head but I remember having tiny flashes of mini-thoughts go through my mind.

“Fuck this is heaven”
“Please don’t stop”
“I hope she knows I don’t mind being made to bleed”
“This is what winning the lottery feels like”

She slowed down by gently touching my back for a moment and then I felt a drop of her warm saliva run down my spine.

I think I whimpered.

She began to untie me and I was again trying to act calm and cool, I started to thank her when she put her fingers to her lips and gave me a “shhhhh”.

I almost whimpered again.

I was thrilled, giddy and trying not to smile from ear to ear. I knew I’d be smiling for days and I’d be walking to the subway with an extra spring in my step.

The evening had more in store for me however.

More pain and more smiles.

To be continued…

In Search Of Le Kink In Paris

This is the view from the hotel room.

IMG_2380.jpg

The view inside the hotel room is quite different.

I’m located next to Gare De L’est, I believe that’s french for “If you can see this, you can probably smell mildew”.

The A/C doesn’t work but there is free Wifi. I’ll take the wifi any day.

I’m on zero sleep for more than a day now, my best friend is out cold yet I’m tempted to go to the parts of town some new friends in London suggested I check out in search of BDSM in Paris.

One Londoner told me that Paris was not the best place to look for BDSM or anything more than fetish. One woman told me, “The dominant women there like to look like they can beat your ass and fuck you, they don’t actually want to beat your ass and fuck you”.

My best friend and I have gone to two kink events in the past three nights we’ve been in Europe. I can tell you that there’s a big separation between fashion and passion in London. (Fashion and pasison? Fuck I really am on zero sleep).

I’ll give a full recap of the fun had in London later (no sex or anything but made lots of new friends), right now I’m torn between taking a long nap that will probably result in my waking up 8 hours from now, or heading out to find the closest group of kinky people.

My limited experience (20 minutes) in Paris seem to disagree with the theory that Parisians are rude. I’ve actually met some very nice people who have been more than happy to give me advice and a smile.

Thanks to my Iphone’s GPS, navigating is much easier than it would have been otherwise.

Though, google maps doesn’t come up with anything when I do a search for “woman with a whip, a love of oral worship and a desire to sexually abuse tall New York City boys”.

Fuck the nap, the search is on…..

Problems With Acting Submissive

Hello from London! I’m terribly sleep deprived but found a little cafe with free wifi and it gave me a chance to show you this gem.

Medieval chastity devices???

IMG_1949.jpg

Badman has an interesting post filled with some great comments on the issue of presenting myself as a submissive to women.

One woman left a comment: “I enjoy being dominant but find myself repulsed by a man who says he is submissive. “

Later she wrote “After speaking with Bad Man about your issues I’ve come to believe one thing: you’d be best served by paying for what you want.”

Ouch. That sucks eggs.

Troy’s comment was considerably more helpful: “Where I see axe go wrong sometimes is that he puts his submission first: objectifying his own sexual orientation in the same way he objectifies the women he hopes will dominate him. If he’d only focus his efforts on being axe, on showing all of axe’s dimension, not just the subby part.”

I’ve attempted this a few times over the past week. I’ve tried to change the way I present myself as just a normal guy who happens to be submissive. After exchanging emails with one woman on Collarme recently, she suggested I start looking for a submissive woman. Why Is that?

“Because you don’t seem submissive. Your tactics are quite aggressive and Dom-like. Maybe you’re not a sub. Maybe you’re just a bottom. I don’t know.”

Keep in mind, I was respectful to her. It’s not like I was demanding that she use me or anything.

“You will use me for your pleasure!! Force me to bow down before you!!!”

I was just being myself. Relaxed, calm, not begging.

I’m now wondering if I hadn’t shown my other dimensions things would have turned out differently with my conversation with her.

It seems some women require a guy to act more submissive and others are turned on by the ones who don’t. I’ll have to try and pay more attention in the future to see what type of guy a woman goes for.

Do I toss a coin to see if I should just be myself or if I should present myself in a more submissive manner?

What are the signs to look for when seeing what kind of guy a woman is looking for?

How can you tell if a woman is looking for someone who is more submissive compared to someone who’s looking for all of my dimensions up front?

It’s certainly something to think about.

It will be nice to get away from searching for a bit, put my mind at ease and hopefully I’ll come back from Europe with a new perspective on things.