Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday

It’s one of the more common questions that people ask me:

“Why don’t you go to a pro?”

The answer is long and nuanced but the biggest reasons are as follows.

-Being wanted:

I want to be wanted, taken, desired, owned, even if it’s for a short time. If I went to a pro, I’d be admitting to myself that I couldn’t find someone who wanted me because I’m desirable, even for a short time. It would be a very hard thing to admit to, knowing that the only way was to pay someone. I also know that it would only be part of the equation. There would be many things that I’d never experience with a pro, like fucking ourselves silly and cuddling after a really intense scene.

-Pleasing:

The last thing I’d want is for someone to play with me if she didn’t want to or wasn’t in the mood. Nor would I want her to do anything to me that she didn’t love. The fact is, I’m sure she has better things to do than play with me. I always felt if I really wanted to please her, I’d just hand her the money and leave. Considering that I know more professionals who are submissive than dominant in their personal lives, this seemed to be obvious.

-Money

I’m not a wealthy guy. If I did go and really liked it I’d want to go again…I’d want to go every day but could probably only afford to go three times a year. I won’t lie though, in moments of extreme desperation I think I may have gone if I had the money.

There will probably be a day when I do start going to a pro-domme. As the possibility of meeting someone slips further and further away I have a feeling it’s only a matter of time.

Three years ago the very idea of Pro-Dommes was one that I never would have considered. Every professional I imagined was just a stripper who held a whip. Everything she knew about BDSM came from softcore porn. They’d lie cheat and steal just to make a buck (I had been tricked by one before and it left a bad taste in my mouth). At least that’s what I thought. I was wrong.

My first “really?” moment was when I met someone was once a pro and was dominant in her personal life too. She’s smart, funny, someone who I went out on a few dates with. It didn’t take me long to realize I was wrong about putting professionals into one big group. She’s now one of my best friends and someone I love dearly.

Later I briefly met someone who once again confirmed that there were professionals who were passionate about the lifestyle. Hearing her talk it was obvious that was as much a spiritual thing for her as it was physical. I googled her shortly after meeting her at a friends party (I think I may have even emailed her to say hi in hopes that she’d email back saying “hey I’m single, let’s date”). Reading her blog was eye opening. If you have a chance to read Mistress Yin’s journal you’ll see what I mean.

Troy Orleans is another professional that makes me think there should be a different term for the word. “Pro-Domme” can mean such a wide variety of people. She has this classy and confident vibe about her. When you read her blog you imagine her typing it from the edge of her seat with a big smile on her face as though she knows something you don’t. She probably does.

MVX is smart and funny as hell (I almost said as a whip but that would be too….obvious) and the few times I’ve hung out with her, she seems like someone who really enjoys taking a bite out of life. On top of that, she’s an incredibly nice person and knows more about fine dining than I’ll ever know in my lifetime. Every time I’ve discussed food with her she’s mentioned dishes that I’ve had to google. Again, did I mention she’s smart? I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a MENSA membership hiding in her purse.

Calico is…well….Calico is Calico. Read her blog. Nuff Said. She seems so comfortable, confident and well… fierce. Even when she’s quiet and not saying anything it can be a bit intimidating.

After meeting people like these I’ve realized not all professionals are cut from the same cloth. While my ideal experience would be with someone I’m sexually involved with, the ability to at least know what it’s like to experience certain things might make up for it.

There are things I want to do before I die and I’ll probably have to pay for all of them. I want to see the world and as much as I’d like it if the airlines wanted to fly me for free because they like me and WANT to fly me to exotic locations, it’s not realistic to expect it.

46 Comments

I know I enjoy reading the Mistress Dark blog I recently found on your links list. She really seems to enjoy what she is doing and I can definitely understand her love of what I like to refer to as “button pushing.”

I think in any profession you are going to find people who are doing what they love and people just trying to get a paycheck. There are always going to be some who stand out and make the whole seem bad.

I read your old blog post about the prodoms who took advantage of you, and I wanted to cry. It’s hard for me to believe that people can be so cruel to each other. I guess I’m naive.

I don’t think that there is any shame in going to a pro. I do not think that it means that no one could possibly want you. Going to a pro doesn’t put some sort of “unwantable loser” tag on you for the rest of your life. I’ve dated a bunch of guys who went to pros in the past. It has never bothered me. However, I have heard a lot of horror stories, not as bad as yours, but similar. So, there are many reasons to go or not go to a pro, but your entire self-worth shouldn’t be riding on the transaction. If you go to a pro now, it means very little in the grand scheme of things, in my opinion.

I thought of going to a prodom myself, and I’m a straight top woman. I almost married a vanilla guy and I suggested we go to a pro together to try to get him into kink. He freaked, but I would have done it. I thought of doing it by myself, just out of curiosity. It never happened, which is probably a good thing, considering the number of predatory prodoms who seem to be out there.

I was going to reply here … but after typing about 150 words in three minutes, I realized I might need to make my own post about it. 🙂

In short, though, thanks for the warm sentiments. My one quibble? “Classy” is a word, always pronounced with a lisp, that I usually associate with women who name themselves after alcohol or luxury goods. i.e. “Hi, my name’s Cristal. Like the Champagne.”

Oh yeah, I also think that the prodom industry as a whole is ridiculous and tacky. And offensive to women. When I first became interested in kink, I didn’t mind it, but the longer I do this, the more it bothers me. However, I can’t really judge too much, because if there was someplace you could go and rent hot sub boys by the hour, I would be very tempted. Also, I am willing to believe that there are some prodoms who are ethical and who don’t just act like cartoon characters. I’ve only met one prodom in real life, and she was awful, but I can’t judge them all by that.

Anyway, you seem to be in a tough situation with no easy answers. Good luck with whatever you decide.

While there are definitely a few pro dommes who are only going through the motions, and don’t have a sincere interest in the scene – they usually don’t last for very long.

If you keep an eye out, and read blogs and participate in events, over time you’ll find that the great majority of pros are very into the scene. It was a something that really surprised me when I first ventured out from behind my shield and entered into the pro scene.

And though I can’t promise you that all of your concerns will melt away, I can promise you that I am grateful that those same fears didn’t stop me from taking the step back in 03. It’s been an interesting journey, and I’m far from Mr. Pro Domme sessioner, but I am very grateful for all that I learned and experienced. And the friendships I have made.

I will add that there are some great positives to going pro. But you have to be a bit around the scene to develop the friendships with people who are already in the scene in order to learn about the who’s who and what’s what. Not all pros are perfect, but as someone who has met Mistress Yin a few times, enjoyed a dinner with Ms. MVX, and considers Mistress Troy Orleans a friend – you have already found yourself among a very high quality group of dominant women, and I mean that in every regard.

As a submissive man who has visited a couple of pro dommes over the years, I have mixed feelings about my experiences. I’m not a masochist and my experiences have been primarily physical rather than mental. In the end, it’s all about what the sub/client wants – and doesn’t want. It can push some buttons – but the end result is you’re always aware this is happening to you because you want it – and are paying for it. An entirely different experience from being in a relationship with a dominant woman. Just a thought.

I can definitely understand that feeling John and the mental aspect is *the* stumbling block for me with visiting pros as well.

One thing I learned in my adventures was to send a list of my interests. I wrote up three versions – short/medium/long. I would send that in advance of the session, and sometimes make a deposit for the session (as there are lots of guys who are wankers and time wasters.)

From there I would say to the Mistress that “the session is up to you” – I just wish my limits to be respected and some of my interests touched on. Obviously some sessions were misses, and I learned a lot about a lot (like I don’t like fire or electricity play) but I also had some wonderful experiences.

Well, im not a pro… yet, but I’d love to learn.

by the by, great blog.

I agree with Aarkey, you have listed really wonderful, quality women who are not in the scene for the money. Sure, they run a business. But what they do is not all about the money. Certainly from my blog reading, I can tell both MVX and MTO really like you. I’ve had sessions with prodommes for almost thirty years. The quality prodommes love what they do and care alot about the people they session with. As well, it is certainly possible to have an intensely personal and emotionally satisfying relationship with a pro. It is it’s own relationship. There’s no familiar template for it. As long as you aren’t expecting to be swept off your feet and ridden into the sunset, it will be a wonderful adventure. I didn’t have lots of money thirty years ago. (Not that I’m Mr. Moneybags now …) I say, save your sheckles and go for it! What have you got to lose?

Thanks all for the thoughtful comments and emails too!

I’m no where near being in a spot where I could afford going to a professional anyway so it’s kinda moot now. It’s certainly something to think about for the future though.

Very thought-provoking entry. I do have one thought to add: A lot of pros are submissive or sometimes submissive in their personal lives not because they’re only playing at being dominant, but because they’re switches. Calico is an excellent example. It’s also true for me – when I was dominant in my personal relationships, I took mostly submissive calls, and when I started to crave exploring D/s distance dynamics from the other end, I was attracted to more dominant men in my personal life.

For a switch who’s a dominant woman, there’s something very fulfilling about pro work. You meet the most incredible cross-section of people who want to do the most interesting things for you. There’s nothing like the rush of feeling that electric chemistry, that immediacy, of a genuine connection and power exchange even across a phone line or a computer monitor.

If I could afford it, and I was aware of any pro’s in my general vicinity, then it is certainly something I would focus my thoughts on for an evening or two. Thank you for this food for thought. Enjoying your blog very much Axe.

My Euro friends have gone (some still go) to discover what they like and don’t, so playing with a steady partner is more focused, a bit less hit-or-miss.

As for my friends stateside, the ones who are married go to a pro, in order to gain discretion.

Like any relationship, it can be superficial or deep. Depends on both parties.

Good luck at sorting this out and finding a solution that pleases you.

Hi! I just stumbled across your blog googling collarme.com, and I’ve got to give you kudos. I’ve thought about blogging on this subject for a while, just to get it out there. Being a submissive straight guy has been a big challenge, sometimes I think it’s the last real taboo in our society. I went through a phase during which I was really out about my kink, and realized that I was mostly creeping people out, so I’m really careful again.

Anyway, it’s for this reason that I think prodommes can be helpful… I’ve only had a couple sessions, it’s definitely something I can’t afford, and the fact that I’m paying for a service really upsets the power dynamic.

For some of us, being subs is such a burden, and being able to buy a safe venue to act it out can be important.

I’ve had a couple of long term relationships with women who were into dominating me, but there was always this point at which they became uncomfortable with the power aspect. I needed more control than they were comfortable giving, it’s a big responsibility to have that much power.

When sessioning with a domme who is not actually someone I’m in a relationship with, it’s much safer emotionally to push the boundaries.

Thanks for bringing up the subject!

I read this a while ago and it convinced me to not go to a Pro, because I shared the same views. I have learnt that the experience is great and you should probably at least go once to try it out. The mental aftermath can be a mind trip if you want something on a more personal level.

Loved your sentiments about your own need to be valued for who you are — and equally important, the gift you are giving someone. That gift is exquisite and I agree should only be given to a person who has the depth and soul to value it fully.

…have strong feelings on both sides of the visit Pro divide……but overall it should definitely be explored as the ones i have known or at least most of them were quite worthwhile to wonderful.

Hi colleagues, its impressive paragraph on the topic of tutoringand fully explained,
keep it up all the time.

Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m definitely enjoying
your blog and look forward to new updates.

Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend
your site, how could i subscribe for a blog website?
The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

Trackbacks and Pingbacks

Sugasm #136June 17, 2008 at 4:06 am

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

early morning sugasm « Lair of the Dragon MageJune 17, 2008 at 6:34 am

[…] Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Onania . Org/asm » Blog Archive » Sugasm #136June 17, 2008 at 9:11 am

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

[…] Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Suga, Suga, Sugasm 136 « UDreamOfJanieJune 17, 2008 at 10:03 am

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First <———-That’s me! Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Porn For Women, By Women » Blog Archive » Sugasm #136!June 17, 2008 at 10:13 am

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

the feminist fucktoy » Popped the Sugasm CherryJune 17, 2008 at 10:58 am

[…] Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Heart Full of BlackJune 17, 2008 at 1:58 pm

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Catalina Loves » Blog Archive » Catalina loves Sugasm (#136)June 17, 2008 at 11:29 pm

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Catalina loves Sugasm (#136) « Catalina Loves Her CollarJune 17, 2008 at 11:32 pm

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Reading List (Sugasm #136) « Mr. and Mrs. Kink (dot com)June 18, 2008 at 12:12 am

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

A Tightly Laced Sugasm (#136) » Corset & CollarJune 18, 2008 at 12:43 am

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Breathplay » Blog Archive » Take A Deep Breath, Hold It, And Then Sugasm (#136)June 18, 2008 at 12:49 am

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Lady Sascha, Cocktease Extraordinaire » Blog Archive » Sugasm #136June 18, 2008 at 3:20 am

[…] Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Sugasm #136 « Exposing the cherryJune 21, 2008 at 8:48 am

[…] BDSM & FetishHe loves meIntimacy and BDSMThe Lilith Obsession, Part the FirstMr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last NightOnline Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking PicsOther World Kingdom visit – Part 7r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemasRawThunderFuckVacation storyWeekends. part 1Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Sugasm #136 - The Whole ChickenJune 22, 2008 at 6:33 pm

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Better Late Than Never - Sugasm #136 « Bedroom ClosetJuly 11, 2008 at 8:38 pm

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Smut & Steff » Sugasm 136 & Hot Yurt Love!October 12, 2008 at 7:55 pm

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Femme Fagette | Popped My Sugasm Cherry (#136)September 16, 2009 at 4:32 am

[…] He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

Sugasm #136 | UnspeakableAxeAugust 15, 2013 at 3:46 pm

[…] BDSM & Fetish He loves me Intimacy and BDSM The Lilith Obsession, Part the First Mr. and Mrs. Kink’s Unbelievably Good Sex Last Night Online Auction Snafu – F/m Spanking Pics Other World Kingdom visit – Part 7 r’s naughty thoughts on submission, fetishes, and enemas Raw ThunderFuck Vacation story Weekends. part 1 Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday […]

[…] Why I’ve Never Gone To A Pro-Domme..Why I Might Someday | UnspeakableAxe. […]

Leave a Reply

Name and email address are required. Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>