So THATS Why Women Think I’m Disgusting

A friend emailed me this post this week.

Great isn’t it? (sarcasm)

So ladies, here’s why you should not want dominate men.

“The problem with dudes who are into domination is that they almost always seem to be as fat and cowardly and emotionally-childlike and generally pathetic as they want you to treat them. And the problem with dominatrixes is that they all sound like they’re wayyyyy into video games”

Is that why women are grossed out by my desire to submit and to please? They think I want to be treated as though I’m pathetic?

I don’t get that. Why is that the stereotype?

Let’s get a few things out of the way, at least about me.

I’m 6’2″, 180lbs, yes I could go to the gym more but that’s because I could use more muscle, if anything I’m too skinny. Secondly, the last thing I want is to be treated as though I’m pathetic. I’m sure there are some guys that get off on that, but not this guy.

Emotionally childlike? I wouldn’t know how to gauge that in myself.

Cowardly? Depends on what you mean. Yeah, I have a tremendous fear of rejection and being abandoned. Is that cowardly? Possibly.

The last thing I want is to be treated as though I’m pathetic. Treated as a personal sex toy? Yes. Treated as a “worm”? No.

That last part about dominant women though, I don’t get it.

Then again, the last woman that beat me was humming the theme to Super Mario Bros.


“The problem with dudes who are into domination is that they almost always seem to be as fat and cowardly and emotionally-childlike and generally pathetic as they want you to treat them. And the problem with dominatrixes is that they all sound like they’re wayyyyy into video games”
Perhaps it was irony and meant the other way around. Would make more sense…well not really though, but still more!

From what I can tell, you sound perfectly lovely. And, in my opintion, a lot of dominatrices are missing out.

While I find the article about RaptureNYC confirming what some of my clients have told me, I find the introduction edited by Anna Holmes clearly written to titillate and draw in the maximum readership possible. I think it takes generalization to the limits and does a disservice to everyone.

I think perhaps you’re a different breed of submissive.

For example:

I’ve never advertised myself as a domme, per se, but there are a few profiles floating around that feature photos of me wearing shiny boots. So, from time to time, I get offers. I don’t immediately say no, especially to the cute ones. But while they self-identify as submissive, most of them actually just want me to take part in a very specific fantasy they’ve created: first Mistress calls me a pathetic slut, then she forces me to do such-and-such, then she tells me I’m bad and spanks me.

If Mistress does not feel like participating or heaven forbid, strays from the script, they get whiny. Whiny! If I were getting paid for it, sure, Mistress would make them put on their girly-skirts and lick her boots. But I’m not, and to be honest, they strike me as pathetic- not because of what they want, but because they seem to lack emotional depth and spontaneity. And I have a hard time considering them to be actual submissives. In my mind, if Mistress does not, at this precise moment, feel like having her boots licked, a submissive should not whine and pout.

This is only from my very limited experience, of course. Undoubtedly there are others like you who want to submit and please. And probably women who think you’re disgusting are lumping you in with other, tiresome fellows who whine and pout when they don’t get their way. But they’re probably missing out.

I would have to agree with velveteenviolet; many of the submissive men I’ve met have a ready-made script. They don’t want to be submissive, they are only interested in topping from the bottom (which isn’t always a bad thing, but not all the time…).
It took my lover/sub/soon-to-be husband to make it clear to me that I don’t automatically find submissive men revolting. I think, actually, that I find ‘my submission is about your serving me’ men revolting.
Good luck with finding the right dominant woman. It’s never too late.

Most women are vehemently closed-minded about pursuing a relationship with a self-identified submissive man – and perhaps rightly so. Submissive men come in all colors, shapes and brain sizes. Some of us, hopefully, stand apart as worthy exceptions but there’s a lot of negative imagery out there about submissive men and the image we often present to women is not of attractive, desirable and worthy servants and partners. Just a thought.


hmm I think I can figure out the worthy servant bit, my first concern is can “he” (whoever that may be) even carry on a conversation. And yep I have to agree with velveteen as well.

Just sayin’: I’m not really into video games. I like the long-drawn-out storytelling kinds like Myst and Syberia and Dreamfall, but really hate first-person shooters. Even Lara Croft’s gravity- (and anatomy-) defying body couldn’t make killing innocent monkeys palatable.

Ahh sweetie, You know how I feel about your type of submission. It is rare when I do see that and for the most part I am willing to give the ebenfit of the doubt toa submmisive man until he proves me otherwise (trust me a submissive does show me who and what they are pretty early also I’ve also had a fine tuned bullshit dedictor with all my years)

Just so you know doms also have fear of rejection, I find you quite brave.

Of course I do hate to be put into a box and be told what I should act like, dress like or feel like as a dominant woman. So I suppose it goes both ways, in a sense that if you are creapy and determined to make me your personal sexual fantasy and not really treat me as a person the the gross out factor will happen.

If you are an intelligent, confidenat man that treats me likea person first and then submits to me because of genuine interest in what please me, then my dear that is a lovely thing.

Mz Camen , I couldn’t have said it better than you just have . Do I have to choose between known as a person or a Domme? Why do so few men take the time to see me as a whole woman?


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[…] Arguably even more frustrating that that, however, is that what male submissive porn is out there is total shit relative to the porn available for other sorts of orientations. In such erotica (unless it’s gay imagery, of course) men are portrayed as impotent, ugly creatures. That is not sexy. It’s also insulting. […]

[…] Arguably even more frustrating than that, however, is that what male submissive porn is out there is totalshit relative to the porn available for other sorts of orientations. In such erotica (unless it’s gay imagery, of course) men are portrayed as impotent, ugly creatures. That is not sexy. It’s also insulting. […]

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