My first exposure to needles I was drunk and at a party so there was a lot going on to distract me.
The second time I was sober, very very nervous, partially hyperventilating, whimpering and it took a lot of self control to keep from begging her to stop.
The third time went much better.
See here’s the thing. Sade really likes needle play. Ok, she loves needle play. I’ve seen photos of some of her needle play in the past and it scares the crap out of me.
It’s not like I’m afraid of needles when I go to the doctor. It’s just that the the idea of needles being fun is very foreign to me. Whenever I see some of the more hardcore images of needle play, I see what looks like permanent damage.
My fear may come from an experience I had with cutting once. The dominant made a small pattern on my back (with my consent of course) with a razor blade. I was told the marks would be there for a month or two or three then it would go away. This is true for most people. Well it’s been three years now and I still have a scar from that cutting. So perhaps I associate any kind of breaking of the skin to be something permanent.
Or maybe I’m just a chicken-shit when it comes to needles.
It makes me self-consious as well since I know this is something she really really enjoys and it’s not something I’m good at. I want to be a good needle-bottom (if that’s even a phrase), I want to love it as much as she does. I want it to turn me on as much as it turns her on but I have the opposite reaction. I wan’t to please her in this way but it’s so hard for me to get over that fear.
Well the other night, Sade and a friend were at our place and they were talking about needle play and the next thing I knew I was half-naked, bound on our coffee table with needles penetrating my skin.
But this time it was different. Sade knew how hard it was for me. She would lovingly stroke my skin, gently kiss my lips, giving me words of encouragement telling me what a good job I was doing and even though I was still worried and nervous, she made me much more comfortable.
Even though she was making it much easier, I was still in a headspace that I’d rather not have been in.
She asked me how I was doing and I replied “Fine, but I’ll be better when this is over”.
The second it came out of my mouth I was kicking myself for saying it. Here I was, bound on a table with my amazing owner and her friend playing with me and I was commenting on how I couldn’t wait for it to be over. What an assface thing to say.
I bit my lip and tried to contain myself every time the needle went in.
She kissed me and I would forget all about the needles for a few moments.
She’d stroke my skin and I’d relax a bit more.
Eventually I was able to focus more on the dynamic of what was happening more than what was actually happening. I could feel myself submitting to the needles or more submitting to her through the needles. I was doing it to please her.
Eventually it was over and her friend thanked me and I asked Sade how I had done.
“You did very well, the only way it could have been better is if your cock was hard from the experience”.
Someday, I’m betting it will be.
Here are a few photos of what when down….or…in.
I’m sorry, the photos are so fucking hot I can’t think of anything else to say.
I just look at those pictures and hyperventilate, I have total needle phobia.You are totally brave in my book…
Nice, Axe! 🙂
You’ll get the hang of it. And yes, needle bottom is a phrase. Like noodle bottom, but that’s more of a pasta thing. Good work!
What sera said…
I’m not at all squeamish about needles in a medical or kink context, but under certain circumstances it can be very trying. Anything that involves my nipples, or that I think may involve my nipples, is quite scary.
I also find that I can’t take as many needles if I’ve already been caned or flogged. At some point my body just quits on me.
Needles are the sort of thing I’ve never asked for, but like you, if she is in a needlesque mood I’ll be happy to oblige.
“The second it came out of my mouth I was kicking myself for saying it. Here I was, bound on a table with my amazing owner and her friend playing with me and I was commenting on how I couldn’t wait for it to be over. What an assface thing to say.”
Don’t ever be afraid to tell her exactly how you feel. Sometimes you will take what she asks from you ONLY because SHE is asking. Sometimes you will take and revel in it. Both are fully legitimate and honest experiences.
Besides, if you enjoyed all of it when and how could she be a true Sadist?
You have no idea how nervous this is making me. (But I am sure you know how envious.)
I don’t know what triggers your Mistress, but I am the kind of Dominant Sadist who prefers to hurt people who don’t like to be hurt, but still submit to it and even almost enjoy it because I want it. This situation would have made Me so f-ing hot nothing could ruin it for Me short of the submissive doing himself serious harm trying to get out of it, before he ran off and never returned. That would be a downer, indeed.
him telling Me he really didn’t like it, but still staying, taking it for Me? That’s the stuff orgasms are made of.
Damn, Axe–if you honestly think that what you said makes you an “assface,” you need a serious dose of perspective.
If what truly makes you happy is to hang in there and learn to love it, more power to you. But I wouldn’t like to see you putting up with something you genuinely hate because of some silly notion that having limits makes you a bad sub.
. . . I realize I’m a complete stranger going all “mom” on you here, so if I’m barking up the wrong tree just ignore me.
holy crap i couldn’t cope with that, it makes me feel kinda faint!
Wow, horrible photos!
With absolutely no experience to work from (of anything kinkier than biting and hair pulling), I think needle play would be a soft limit for me. It’s something I really don’t want to do, but I think I could in the right circumstances. I would have to be with someone who I trust completely and want to please. I would need to know it was something she really liked and wanted. I would need ongoing encouragement and soothing (like it sounds you got from Sade). And even with all that, I would probably still be a nervous wreck about it, staying still only because of fear of what might go wrong if I don’t (kind of like while getting a tooth drilled at the dentist).
So I think I get your fears well enough to realize what a step it is for you to face your fears and try to learn needle play. It’s very big of you, and I’m sure Sade appreciates your willingness to face your fear for her. I’d kind of like to read an update on your ability to handle needle play, and how it affects you now.
And somehow those pictures simultaneously look not so bad and quite terrifying.