I’ve been stood up before.
It’s happened more times than I can count and I’m almost used to it. It’s never made me angry before.
What does make me angry is when one of my dominant friends gets stood up. These guys go online and convince a woman they are sincere only to chicken out when they’re faced with the reality of it.
I imagine most sub males who flake out are those who have little or no experience in it. They’ve had fantasices about dominant women for years or maybe they’ve just started exploring. Either way, when they’re faced with their dream actually becoming a reality, they run the other way. Why would they put someone through that? Do they have any idea what they’re missing?
Maybe I’m not understanding the reason behind it. Are they really just flakes? Are they sincere but scared or to they just jerk off to the idea and that’s it?
Of course being stood up is something that shouldn’t happen to anyone. But it makes me furious when it happens to a dominant friend of mine.
These flakes make it harder for the next submissive down the road. I’ve come upon several dominant women that will ask for a tribute just to prove that the submissive isn’t a flake and is really sincere. (granted some use this just to get the tribute but I’m sure there are one or two who think of it as a decent way to weed out the fakes).
It’s the nature of the beast when you’re dealing with people online. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been stood up, it’s almost a surprise when someone I’ve emailed actually does show up. That’s why I prefer to talk to someone on the phone or chat with them before meeting them. Sometimes it’s easier to spot a flake that way.
I don’t know who gets stood up more, dominant women or sub men. When I get stood up I take a few days or weeks to dust myself off the ground and get back on the horse. When a dominant gets stood up she may change her entire perception of all submissive males. It changes it for all of us.
I know one guy in particular that has stood up a friend of mine recently. I’ve seen him at a few events and when I see him again, he’ll get a piece of my mind.
I have also been stood up. Consequentially, I do not plan any hookups from online. If someone really wants to meet me, there are places where I am available.
I refused to make a date with one man who approached me online. I just told him which TES meetings I would be attending. He showed up and we met. We were together 6 years and he was my slave for about 4 years.
Being stood up sucks and I refuse to waste my time with it any more.
BTW I like your new site layout.
It’s been a long time since I’ve shown up somewhere and been stood up but a lot of guys cancel ahead of time or fail to make a final confirmation.
I’ve also made myself available at meetings or events. If they think that’s too wild then I know they’re probably more based in fantasy than reality.
The first time you posted about getting stood up, I recall dicussing that post with my Dom and he said that it is very common. A lot of people are all talk online and following through is pretty rare.
either way, no matter who you are, it sucks to be stood up. Sorry to hear you are “getting used to it”. *hugs*
I don’t see the point of asking for a tribute to weed out flakes, but then again, I don’t see the point of asking for a tribute in general. When I meet with people from dating sites or whatever, I don’t expect a monetary transaction at all. I don’t even expect dinner to be paid for by them.
If I were going into the ‘date’ as a ‘pro’, well, then, yeah, pay me. But normally, I meet people to see if I’m interested IRL.
As for getting stood up, I think it happens to everyone, at some point. I know I’m probably due for me ‘I got stood up story’. It sucks, but sadly, such is life.
I swear some people get off on the idea of meeting someone more than on actually meeting them. I just had someone take up a completely unreasonable amount of my time on the phone only to fail to commit to an actual time and place. I tend to follow the example of some of the above commentators and tell people when they can find me at an event without actually going out of my way to meet them for the first time.
I take it as just what happens when online. I do like to talk to them on the phone a few times 1st to get a better handle on them. I will tell you that I am getting weary with the newbies that always dream of it but never have experinced it.
I always bring a book and if the person is not there, then it doesn’t matter.
What I’ve also found how you will meet a sub mae and you seem to hit it off and agree to meet again, then they disappear. I figure it’s either a chemistry thing or that is as far as they want to go.
There is a reason why sometimes it does take a long while for the right combination. I am glad to read that there are submissives like you out there, it makes the wading through process a lot easier.
The first time I got stood up by a sub, I was sad and figured that guy was a flake.
The twentieth time? I got pissy. By about 40 I stopped arranging to meet people in private. I’m now switching to a “I will be at THIS event, meet me there first, THEN we’ll do a private date” policy.
I’m not so great at sticking to said policies, but it really does get fucking annoying. I used to end up feeling used- guys would waste HOURS of my time online, talking to me for months, and we’d have a real connection going (or so I thought) and then it turned out I was just jerk off material.
Pissed me off to no end.
On the flipside, as a submissive I have talked to many “Doms” online. It didn’t take me long to discover that most have no idea what a D/s relationship is all about. The fact that they call themselves Doms is a joke. They portray themselves in one way when in reality they are just looking for a sub to take out their abusive fantasies with no regard to limits. Now a sub can feel very vulnerable going into any meeting and I can see how easy it would be for them to chicken out. It can be downright terrifying, especially to those new to the scene. I’m not saying I agree with it just that I can understand it. With the mindset that you are gonna go thru a lot of garbage to find that one gem helped me in my search for the perfect Dom. I have now been with my Master for 2 1/2 years now and I am glad I didn’t get discouraged.
I wish you well in your search. Hang in there =)
🙁 Flaky people. Bleh.
As a young woman just beginning to be dominant, I remember the very first sub I arranged to meet in person stood me up. There were other factors, but long story short, it effectively turned me off to (what appeared to me at the time) the realities of being a domme. I did what lots of people do, and tried to pretend I was vanilla. (Silly, huh?)
Now (8 years later) I’m finally returning to scene.
People who meet on the Internet stand each other up all the time.
But: “I’ve come upon several dominant women that will ask for a tribute just to prove that the submissive isn’t a flake and is really sincere. (granted some use this just to get the tribute but I’m sure there are one or two who think of it as a decent way to weed out the fakes).” No, hell, no! The only woman who will ask you for a “tribute” is a pro. End Of Story. Don’t fall for it — unless that’s what you’re looking for, which is for her to be there (maybe) when you pay her, and to go away when you don’t.