A friend of mine has been having problems with a submissive guy she’s been playing with. Most of their sex has been leaning toward vanilla lately. Not because she’s not in the mood, it’s because he’s not in the mood.

He just hasn’t felt very submissive lately.

I’ve heard this complaint from a number of women. Fun stuff they used to do has been pushed aside and now the guy’s just interested in having his orgasm and going to bed.

She told me her initial reaction was to put him in chastity to make him more agreeable but he declined. Now she’s feeling less dominant and more antsy to get the kind of kink she wants.

I’m not blaming the guy (well maybe a little), who really knows what’s going on in his head. Maybe he has other things going on in his life that are putting a damper on his submissive side and he needs to focus on that or maybe he’s just a douche who told her he wanted the same kinky stuff she wanted just so he could get inside her pants.

My advice to her was to go find it somewhere else. If she sat down and had the conversation with him and their desires didn’t match, she should just yell “Next!” and meet up with one of the other hundred thousand guys who’d love to get beaten, tied up, fucked and who knows what.

There’s no reason for any woman to put up with not getting her sexual needs met. I don’t care of she’s dominant, submissive or vanilla. If you’re not getting fucked the way you want then maybe you need to add another guy or girl or two or three to the mix until you are getting everything you want.

If there’s something you’re into and your current guy isn’t doing it for you, just pop and ad on craiglist and within minutes you’ll hundreds of guys replying. Sure not all of them are what you’re looking for but you’ll at least see one or two in there.   

And don’t pay any attention to what guys actually say on their first email to you. They’re not actually thinking when they write these things. The emails that appear intelligent were probably written months ago and they’re just copying and pasting. Besides, don’t you want a guy who’s desperate to please you and give you what you want? After all, you met this other guy who’s not so desperate and look where that’s gotten you. You’re placing an ad on craigslist.

If you find them attractive (photos, not words) then reply and set the tone in your response. He’ll probably be so shocked that you actually replied that he’ll probably be willing to give you his social security number at that point. Hell even I’m willing to give you some of the numbers in mine right now: 078. See! And I haven’t even met you yet.

As long as the guy doesn’t come across as a total nutjob then meet him for a drink, you’ll be able to tell within minutes. If you’re not into him then go meet numbers 2 through 8438349 who emailed you.

Women who want hot crazy sex are too rare to waste their time on a guy who won’t give it to them.